Saturday 30 December 2006

男人...女人...猪

人= 吃饭+睡觉+上班+玩,

猪=吃饭+ 睡觉,

代入:人= 猪+上班+玩,

即:人-玩= 猪+上班.

结论: 懂玩的人=会上班的猪

男人= 吃饭+ 睡觉+挣钱

猪 = 吃饭+ 睡觉

男人= 猪+挣钱

猪=男人-挣钱

所以男人 挣钱等于猪。

女人= 吃饭+ 睡觉+花钱,

猪 = 吃饭+ 睡觉,

代入上式得: 女人= 猪+花钱。

移项得: 女人-花钱=猪 。

结论:女人 花钱的都是猪。

综上: 男人为了让女人 变成猪而挣钱! 女人为了让男人 变成猪而花钱!

男人+女人=两头猪

祝天下的猪们新年快乐!

Family Problem

Two men met at a bus stop and struck up a conversation.
One of them kept complaining of family problems.
Finally the other man said: "You think you have family problems? Listen to my situation.
A few years ago I met a young widow with a grown up daughter. We got married and I got myself a step-daughter.
Later, my father married my step-daughter. That made my step daughter my step-mother. And my father became my step-son. Also my wife became mother-in-law of her father-in-law.
Much later the daughter of my wife, my step-mother, had a son. This boy was my half brother because he was my father's son. But he was also the son of my wife's daughter which made him my wife's grand-son. That made me the grandfather of my half brother.
This was nothing until my wife and I had a son. Now the half sister of my son, my step-mother, is also his grandmother. This makes my father the brother-in-law of my child, whose step-sister is my father's wife. I am my step-mother' s brother-in-law, my wife is her own child's aunt, my son is my father's nephew and I am my OWN GRAND FATHER!!!!!!!!!!
And you think you have FAMILY PROBLEMS??"

Saturday 16 December 2006

How to propose a Girl with Teamwork


We should learn from them... (^^,)

Friday 15 December 2006

Pharmacist (Joke again la, a but then..?)

A young man goes into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, "Hello, could you give me a condom? My girlfriend has invited me for dinner and I think she is expecting something from me!"

The pharmacist gives him the condom and as the young man is going out, he returns and tells him: "Give me another condom because my girlfriend's sister is very cute too. She always crosses her legs in a provocative manner when she sees me and I think she expects something from me too."

The pharmacist gives him a second condom and as the boy is leaving heturns back and says, "After all, give me one more condom because my girlfriend's mom is still pretty cute, and when she sees me she alwaysmakes allusions... and since she invited me for dinner, I think she is expecting something from me!!"

During dinner, the young man is sitting with his girlfriend on his left, the sister on his right and the mom facing him. When the dad gets there, the boy lowers his head and starts praying: "Dear Lord, bless this dinner... thank you for all you give us...!!!"

A minute later the boy is still praying: "Thank you Lord for your kindness..."

Ten minutes go on and the boy is still praying, keeping his head down.

The others look at each other surprised and his girlfriend even more than the others.

She gets close to the boy and whispers in his ear: "I didn't know you were so religious!!!"

The boy replies :"I didn't know your dad is a pharmacist!!!"

Jokes again...

Two men met while both where looking for their lost wives.
1st: How yours look like?
2nd: She is 5"7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. What about yours?
1st: Forget mine. Lets find yours!!
**********
Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend to death.
Wife says, "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends".
**********
Small Boy wrote to Santa Claus," send me a brother."
Santa wrote back," SEND ME YOUR MOTHER."
**********
What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress
**********
Husband asks, "Do u know the meaning of WIFE?? "Without Information Fighting Everytime"
Wife replies, "No, It means ,"With Idiot For Ever !!!"
**********
Three Feelings:
What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant,
andPanic is when both are pregnant.
**********
Teacher: u know the importance of period?
Kid: Ya, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got heart attack & our driver ran away.
**********
Women asked man who is traveling with six children, all these kids are yours???
No, I work in a condom factory & these are customer complaints.
**********
Sons asks difference between confidence and confidential.
Dad says, you are my son, I'm confident. Your friend is also my son, that's confidential!**********
Mother to her teenage daughter: I think this is the right time we shouldtalk about sex.
Daughter (Excitingly): Sure mom, tell me what do you want to know.
Mother Faints...

A good story from internet

女孩終於鼓起勇氣對男孩說:「我們分手吧!」
男孩問:「為什麼?」
女孩說:「倦了,就不需要理由了。」
一個晚上 男孩只抽煙不說話。
女孩的心也越來越涼:『連挽留都不會表達的情人能給我什麼樣的快樂?』
過了許久 男孩終忍不住說:「怎麼做你才能留下來?」
女孩慢慢地說:「回答一個問題,如果你能答到我心裏就答案,我就留下來。」
……………………

「比如我非常喜歡懸崖上的一朵花,而你去摘的結果是百分之百 的死亡,你會不會摘給我?」
男孩想了想說:「明天早晨告訴你答案好嗎?」
女孩的心頓時灰了下來。
……………………

早晨醒來,男孩已經不在, 只有一張寫滿字的紙壓在溫熱的牛奶杯下。
第一行,就讓女孩的心涼透了…
「親愛的,我不會去摘, 但請容許我陳述不去摘的理由…
你只會用電腦打字, 卻總把程式弄得一塌糊塗, 然後對著鍵盤哭, 我要留著手指給你整理程式…
你出門總是忘記帶鑰匙, 我要留著雙腳跑回來給你開門…
酷愛旅遊的你, 在自己的城市裏都常常迷路, 我要留著眼睛給你帶路…
每月( 好朋友)光臨時, 你總是全身冰涼,還肚子疼, 我要留著掌心溫暖你的小腹…
你不愛出門, 我擔心你會患上自閉症, 我要留著嘴巴軀趕你的寂寞…
你總是盯者電腦, 眼睛給糟蹋得已不是太好了, 我要好好活著, 等你老了, 給你修剪指甲, 幫你拔掉讓你懊惱的白髮, 拉著你的手, 在海邊享受美好的陽光和柔軟的沙灘, 告訴你一朵朵花的顏色, 像你青春的臉…
所以, 在我不能確定有人比我更愛你以前, 我不想去摘那朵花…」
( 女孩淚滴在紙上, 形成晶瑩的花朵)
抹淨眼淚,女孩繼續往下看:
「親愛的, 如果你已經看完了, 答案還讓你滿意的話, 請你開門吧! 我正站在門外, 手裏提著你最喜歡吃的鮮奶麵包…」
女孩拉開門, 看見他的臉, 緊張得像個孩子, 只會把擰著麵包的手在她眼前晃…
……………………

我想這就是愛情或者生活, 被幸福平靜的包圍時, 一些平凡的愛意, 總被渴望激情和浪漫的心忽略 愛!
在雙方引起的許多個微不足道的動作裏, 從來就沒有固定的模式, 只有愛…
可以是任何一中平淡無奇的形式 花朵、浪漫, 不過是浮在生活表面的淺淺點綴, 在它們的下面才是我們真真的生活。

Monday 11 December 2006

愿圣诞节快乐!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!
http://www.chinaswitch.com/caoka/jieri/christmas/

Sunday 10 December 2006

If Only Life Could Be Like a Computer!!!

If you messed up your life, you could press "Ctrl, Alt, Delete" and start all over!

To get your daily exercise, just click on "run"! If you needed a break from life, click on suspend.

Hit "any key" to continue life when ready.

To get even with the neighbours, turn up the sound blaster.

To add/remove someone in your life, click settings and control panel.

To improve your appearance, just adjust the display settings.

If life gets too noisy, turn off the speakers.

When you lost your car keys, click on find.

"Help" with the chores is just a click away.

Auto insurance wouldn't be necessary. You would use your diskette to recover from a crash.

And, we could click on "SEND NOW" and a Pizza would be on it's way to YOU...

Wednesday 6 December 2006

一个人的我依然会微笑

一个人的我依然会微笑

如果想哭我自己会找地方
你不必担心我会弄湿你肩膀
走在街上到处是寂寞的人
我想谁都不要同情的眼光

受一点伤并不是可怕的事
人就是这样才会愈来愈坚强
谁叫男人永远比女人清楚
爱情它何时该收何时该放

你走吧 我不哭 无论多痛苦
你走吧 我不哭 就算会迷路

明天一个人的我依然会微笑
虽然它或许也是伤心的开始
爱情的轮回总是一次又一次
是悲是喜终将都变成往事

明天一个人的我依然会微笑
那怕早已没有人记得我名字
别问我为何执迷不悟的尝试
男人生来就多这么一点痴

Sunday 3 December 2006

女朋友不是处女的十种解释

一, 最淑女的解释:
都怪我那时太小, 不懂事

二, 最无耻的解释:
是不是处女有什么不一样的, 想找处女上幼儿园去

三, 最无厘头的解释:
人家都说要给我立碑, 我害怕呀

四, 最现实的解释:
还不是为了那3000元的"开包费"

五, 最不能让人理解的解释:
都是自行车座子惹的祸

六, 最让人同情的解释:
那天下晚自习后, 天太黑, 我被.....

七, 最说不通的解释:
我也没办法,这是"遗传"........

八, 最让人可恨的解释:
我被父亲..........................

九, 最有可能的解释:
我用手指头捅破的

十, 最让人开心的解释:
是你刚才弄破的

Wednesday 29 November 2006

Smoking...

老师在某宿舍发现了一个烟头,于是该宿舍的八名同学被叫到办公室一一审讯。

[场景一]
老师:老实说,你吸烟吗?
男生A:不吸。
老师:不吸?嗯,吃根薯条吧。
A很自然地伸出两根手指夹着接过来……
老师:不吸?!叫家长来……

[场景二]
老师:吸烟吗?
男生B:不吸。
老师:不吸?嗯,吃根薯条吧。
B由于听到a的情况,所以很小心的用手掌接过了薯条。
老师:不蘸点番茄酱吗?
B一不小心蘸多了,于是马上用手指弹了弹……
老师:弹烟灰的姿势很熟练嘛。叫家长来……

[场景三]
老师:吸烟吗?
男生C:不吸。
老师:不吸,好,吃根薯条吧。
C因有前面两个例子很小心地流着汗吃完了薯条。
老师:不给同学带根回去吗?
C接过薯条后顺手就夹在耳朵上……
老师:不吸???叫家长来……

[场景四]
老师:吸烟吗?
男生D:不吸。
老师:很好,吃根薯条吧。
D心惊胆战地吃完了薯条。
老师:不给同学带根回去吗?
D又小心地将薯条放到了上衣袋里。
老师突然大喊一声:校长来了!
D赶忙从口袋里取出薯条扔在地上,用脚使劲地踩……
老师:不吸?!叫家长来……

[场景五]
老师:吸烟吗?
男生E:不吸,
老师:很好,吃根薯条吧。
E刚拿过薯条,老师说:不请我吃吗?
E赶忙双手递过薯条,然后掏出打火机……
老师:不吸?!叫家长来……

[场景六]
老师:吸烟吗?
男生F:不吸。
老师:很好,吃根薯条吧。
F心惊胆战地吃完了。
老师:突然大喊一声:校长来了!
F手心冒汗,但仍镇定地低头说到:校长您好!
老师:校长会闻到你嘴里的味道的。
F掏出薯条:不会,还在这呢,火都还没点……

[场景七]
老师:你到底吸不吸烟?
男生G:向上帝保证,绝对不吸。
老师:真的不吸?好,来吃根薯条吧。
G非常自然接过薯条吃个干净。
老师:真是个好孩子,你一般喜欢什么牌子的薯条呢?
G(得意忘形地):大中华……

[场景八]
老师:吃根薯条吧。
男生N:谢谢,不会。
老师:……

我已笑到抽筋,尤其是最后一条,比前面还强!
The teacher is just too smart or the students are too stupid...

Tuesday 28 November 2006

人生的八個經典問題 .. 你想過嗎?

人生的八個經典問題 .. 你想過嗎?

問題一 :
如果你家附近有一家餐廳,東西又貴又難吃,桌上還爬著蟑螂,你會因為它很近很方便,就一而再、再而三地光臨嗎?
回答:你一定會說,這是什麼爛問題,誰那麼笨,花錢買罪受?
可同樣的情況換個場合,自己或許就做類似的蠢事。
不少男女都曾經抱怨過他們的情人或配偶品性不端,三心二意,不負責任。明知在一起沒什麼好的結果,怨恨已經比愛還多,但卻「不知道為什麼」還是要和他攪和下去,分不了手。
說穿了,只是為了不甘,為了習慣,這不也和光臨餐廳一樣?
做人,為什麼要過於執著?!

問題二 :
如果你不小心丟掉100 塊錢,只知道它好像丟在某個你走過的地方,你會花200 塊錢的車費去把那100 塊找回來嗎?
回答:一個超級愚蠢的問題。
可是,相似的事情卻在人生中不斷發生。做錯了一件事,明知自己有問題,卻也不肯認錯,反而花加倍的時間來找藉口,讓別人對自己的印象大打折扣。
被人罵了一句話,卻花了無數時間難過,道理相同。
為一件事情發火,不惜損人不利已,不惜血本,不惜時間,只為報復,不也一樣無聊?
失去一個人的感情,明知一切已無法挽回,卻還是那麼傷心,而且一傷心就是好幾年,還要借酒澆愁,形銷骨立。
其實這樣一點用也沒有,只是損失更多。
做人,幹嗎為難自己?!

問題三 :
你會因為打開報紙發現每天都有車禍,就不敢出門嗎?
回答:這是個什麼爛問題?當然不會,那叫因噎廢食。
然而,有不少人卻曾說: 現在的離婚率那麼高,讓我都不敢談戀愛了。說得還挺理所當然。
也有不少女人看到有關的諸多報道,就對自己的另一半憂心忡忡,這不也是類似的反應?
所謂樂觀,就是得相信: 雖然道路多艱險,我還是那個會平安過馬路的人,只要我小心一點,不必害怕過馬路。
做人,先要相信自己。

問題四:
你相信每個人隨便都可以成功立業嗎?
回答:當然不會相信。
但據觀察,有人總是在聽完成功人士絞盡腦汁的建議,比如說,多讀書,多練習之後,問了另一個問題?那不是很難?
我們都想在 3 分鐘內學好英文,在 5 分鐘內解決所有難題,難道成功是那麼容易的嗎?
變當然是難的。成功只因不怕困難,所以才能出類拔萃。
有一次坐在出租車上,聽見司機看到自己前後都是高檔車,兀自感歎:「唉,為什麼別人那麼有錢,我的錢這麼難賺?」
我心血來潮,問他:「你認為世上有什麼錢是好賺的?」
他答不出來,過了半晌才說:好像都是別人的錢比較好賺。
其實任何一個成功者都是艱辛取得。我們實在不該抱怨命運。
做人,唯有依靠自己!

問題五:
你認為完全沒有打過籃球的人,可以當很好的籃球教練嗎?
回答:當然不可能,外行不可能領導內行。
可是,有許多人,對某個行業完全不瞭解,只聽到那個行業好,就馬上開起業來了。
我看過對穿著沒有任何口味、或根本不在乎穿著的人,夢想卻是開間服裝店; ...不知道電腦怎麼開機的人,卻想在網上創業,結果道聽途說,卻不反省自己是否專業能力不足,只抱怨時不我與。
做人,量力而行。

問題六:
相似但不相同的問題:
你是否認為,籃球教練不上籃球場,閉著眼睛也可以主導一場完美的勝利?
回答:有病啊,當然是不可能的。
可是卻有不少朋友,自己沒有時間打理,卻拚命投資去開咖啡館,開餐廳,開自己根本不懂的公司,火燒屁股一樣急著把辛苦積攢的積蓄花掉,去當一個稀裡糊塗的投資人。
虧的總是比賺的多,卻覺得自己是因為運氣不好,而不是想法出了問題。
做人,記得反省自己。

問題七:
你寧可永遠後悔,也不願意試一試自己能否轉敗為勝?
解答:恐怕沒有人會說:「對,我就是這樣的孬種」吧。
然而,我們卻常常在不該打退堂鼓時拚命打退堂鼓,為了恐懼失敗而不敢嘗試成功。
以關穎珊贏得 2000 年世界花式滑冰冠軍時的精彩表現為例:
她一心想贏得第一名,然而在最後一場比賽前,她的總積分只排名第三位,在最後的自選曲項目上,她選擇了突破,而不是少出錯。在4分鐘的長曲中,結合了最高難度的三周跳,並且還大膽地連跳了兩次。她也可能會敗得很難看,但是她畢竟成功了。
她說:「因為我不想等到失敗,才後悔自己還有潛力沒發揮。」
一個中國偉人曾說: 勝利的希望和有利情況的恢復,往往產生於再堅持一下的努力之中。
做人,何妨放手一搏。

問題八:
你的時間無限,長生不老,所以最想做的事,應該無限延期?
回答:不,傻瓜才會這樣認為。
然而我們卻常說,等我老了,要去環遊世界;等我退休,就要去做想做的事情; 等孩子長大了,我就可以……
我們都以為自己有無限的時間與精力。
其實我們可以一步一步實現理想,不必在等待中徒耗生命。
如果現在就能一步一步努力接近,我們就不會活了半生,卻出現自己最不想看到的結局。
做人,要活在當下

Friday 24 November 2006

Jokes of Ah Ben

No jokes no fun... Have some fun, my friends... Have a great & blessed day.

Brain Tumour
Doctor: I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumor.
Ah Ben: Yesss!!! (jumps in joy)
Doctor: Did you understand what I just told you?
Ah Ben: Yes of course, do you think I'm dumb?
Doctor: Then why are you so happy?
Ah Ben: Because that proves that I have a brain!

While in Grade School
Teacher: What is 5 plus 4?
Ah Ben: 9
Teacher: What is 4 plus 5?
Ah Ben: Are you trying to fool me, you've just twisted the figure, the answer is 6!!

In a Drug Store
Ah Ben: I'd like some vitamins for my grandson.
Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C?
Ah Ben: Any will do, my grandson doesn't know the alphabet yet!!

At an ATM Machine
Friend: What are you looking at?
Ah Ben: I know your PIN number, hehe...
Friend: Alright, what is my PIN number if you saw it?
Ah Ben: four asterisks (****)!

Marriage
Friend: How many women do you believe must a man marry?
Ah Ben: 16
Friend: Why?
Ah Ben: Because the priest says 4 richer, 4 poorer, 4 better and 4worse.

Chatting with His Friends
Friend: How was the tape you borrowed from me, is it Ok?
Ah Ben: What do you mean ok, I thought it's a horror film. I didn't see any picture.
Friend: What tape did you took anyway?
Ah Ben: Head Cleaner.

Death of His Mother
Ah Ben:(crying) The doctor called, Mom's dead.
Friend: Condolence, my friend.
(After 2 minutes) Ah Ben cries even louder...
Friend: What now?
Ah Ben: My sister just called, her mom died too!

Attending a Meeting
Colleague: Sorry I'm late. I got stuck in an elevator for 4 hrs because of a power failure.
Ah Ben: That's alright, me too... I got stuck on the escalator for 3 hrs.

Spelling Lesson
Ah Ben's Son: Dad, what is the spelling of successful....is it one c ortwo c?
Ah Ben: Make it three c to be sure!

Tuesday 21 November 2006

Share this with your friends...

Even it's modified from a chain, but it worth a read.

If one day you feel like crying.... call me. I don't promise that i will make you laugh, but i can cry with you.
If one day you want to run away don't be afraid to call me. I don't promise to ask you to stop......but i can run with you.
If one day you don't want to listen to anyone..... call me. I promise to be there for you but also promise to remain quiet.
But one day if you call......and there is no anwser.....come fast to see me. Perhaps i need you.
Share this with your friends, no matter how often you talk, or how close you are. Let your old friends know you haven't forgotten them, and tell new friends you never will.
Remember, everyone needs a friend, don't ever leave the one u love for the one u like, because the one u like will leave u for the one they love.

Monday 20 November 2006

Don't eat chicken sandwich...just for laugh...

A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends.
Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every day!
This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades, until one day he noticed that her sandwich wasn't a chicken sandwich.
He said, "Hey, how come you're not eating chicken, don't you like it anymore?"
She said "I love it but I have to stop eating it."
"Why?" he asked.
She pointed to her lap and said "Cause I'm starting to grow little feathers down there!"
"Let me see" he said.
"Okay" and she pulled up her skirt.
He looked and said, "That's right. You are! Better not eat any more chicken."
He kept eating his chicken sandwiches until one day he brought peanut butter. He said to the little girl, "I have to stop eating chicken sandwiches, I'm starting to get feathers down there too!"
She asked if she could look, so he pulled down his pants for her.
She said "Oh, my God, it's too late for you! You've already got the neck and the gizzards!!

Sunday 12 November 2006

死都不知道中圈套

在宽阔的美西草原上 , 牧场的主人为省一分钱是一分钱 , 通常养一百只母鸡 , 只会养一只公鸡用以繁殖 , 毕竟公的又不会生蛋, 买多了也没有用.
一天 , 牧场主人买了一只新的年轻的公鸡回来 . 因为觉得原本养的老公鸡也老了, 所以找个年轻的来帮忙.
老公鸡看到这只年轻的公鸡就气呼呼的说 :"你来干什么 ! 我还强壮得很 !不需要你的帮忙 !"
年轻的公鸡很无辜的说 :" 我我… ."
"不要说了 !" 老公鸡叫道 ; "我就不信我比不上你们这些年轻人 , 这样吧 ! 我们来做个比赛 , 你就试著追我吧 , 如果跑不过我, 你就乖乖离开这里 ; 如果我跑输你 , 我就闭嘴 , 这一百只母鸡都交给你 ."
于是这只年轻的公鸡开始追著老公鸡在草原上奔跑.
" 砰!" 突然牧场主人拿起枪来把年轻的公鸡杀了; 并且骂道: " 妈的 ! 这已经是第十一次我买到同性恋的公鸡了!"
小心职场老手!
" 鸡" 是老的辣 !

Friday 10 November 2006

The bonding

A story to share with you all...:
A little girl and her father were crossing a bridge.
The father was kind of scared so he asked his little daughter, "Setheart, please hold my hand so that you don't fall into the river."
The little girl said, "No, Dad. You hold my hand."
"What's the difference?" Asked the puzzled father.
"There's a big difference," replied the little girl. "If I hold your hand and something happens to me, chances are that I may let your hand go. But if you hold my hand, I know for sure that no matter what happens, you will never let my hand go."
In any relationship, the essence of trust is not in its bind, but is in its bond. So hold the hand of the person whom you love rather than expecting them to hold yours...
This msg is too short..........but carries a lot of feelings...

Tuesday 7 November 2006

Remember to live

Paradigm: appraisal vs resignation

A newly-joined trainee engineer asks his boss
"What is the meaning of appraisal?"
Boss: "Do you know the meaning of resignation?"
Trainee: "Yes, I do."
Boss: "So let me make you understand what an appraisal is by comparing it with resignation."

Appraisal VS Resignation
In an appraisal meeting they will speak only about your weakness, errors and failures.
In a resignation meeting they will speak only about your strengths, past achievements and success.
During an appraisal you may need to cry and beg for even a 10% pay hike.
In a resignation meeting you can easily demand (or get more without asking) more than 50-60% pay-hike !
During an appraisal, they will deny promotion saying that you did not meet the expectation, you don't have leadership qualities, and that you had several drawbacks in reaching objective/goal.
During resignation, they'll say you are the core member of the team; that you are the vision of the company, and so "How can you go?"; you have to take the project on your shoulders and lead your juniors to success.
There is a 90% chance of not getting any significant incentives after appraisal.
There is a 90% chance of getting an immediate pay-hike after you put in your resignation.

Trainee : " Yes, boss, good enough. Now I know what to do. When you are about to do my appraisal, I will resign."

Friday 3 November 2006

醫生 & 阿兵哥笑話

笑到暈倒  <醫生篇part 1>
一位婦人抱著BABY到一間婦產科。
醫生問婦人說:BABY是吃母乳還是牛奶啊?
婦人:吃母乳!
醫生:那請你把衣服脫下來。
婦人:啊!?為什麼?
醫生:請你不用緊張,這裡是婦產科,絕不會對你有任何侵犯的。
婦人半信半疑的脫去了上衣醫生用他的手在婦人的胸部上摸摸,下摸摸,左搓搓,右揉揉。
對這婦人說:難怪BABY會營養不良,妳根本就沒有母乳嘛!
婦人:廢話!我當然沒有母乳;我是他阿姨!

笑到暈倒  <醫生篇part 2>
一位病重的老人即將死去。
醫生認為已經不需要再隱瞞他的病情了,
便在巡房後來到老人的病床旁。
「你的病已經很嚴重了。」醫生告訴他。
「我相信你必然想知道事實,現在你還想見什麼人嗎?」
虛弱的老人點了點頭說:「是的!」
他用幾乎聽不見的聲音說:「我想看另一位醫生。」

笑到暈倒  <醫生篇part 3>
病人對醫生說:「哎呀!我吃的那些生蠔好像不大對勁?」
「那些蠔新鮮嗎?」
醫生一面按病人的腹部一面問:「你剝開蠔殼時肉色如何?」
病人:「什麼!要剝開殼吃的?」

笑到暈倒 <醫生篇part 4>
有位患者到醫院求診。
醫師問:你哪邊不舒服?
患者答:我昨晚做了個夢,夢見自己是頭牛在吃草。
醫師便說:你放心,這很正常。
每個人也會夢到,夢境和現實是不一樣的。
只見那位患者很緊張的說:可是.....可是...... 我起床時發現我床上的草席不見了一半!

笑到暈倒  <醫生篇part 5>
候診室裡坐著一位憂心忡忡的病人,當醫生傳喚他時,他滿面愁容的說:「醫生,怎麼辦?我昨天誤喝下一瓶汽油!」
醫生回答他說:「喔..沒關係啦!記得這幾天不要抽煙!」

笑到暈倒  <醫生篇part 6>
患者:「大夫,我咳嗽得很厲害。」
大夫:「你多大年紀?」
患者:「七十五歲。」
大夫:「二十歲咳嗽嗎?」
患者:「不咳嗽。」
大夫:「四十歲時咳嗽嗎?」
患者:「也不咳嗽。」
大夫:「那現在不咳嗽,還要等到什麼時候咳嗽?」

笑到暈倒  <醫生篇part 7>
婦產科的候診室前,有兩個準爸爸不安地踱步著,等待妻子生產。
其中一位嘆氣地說:真倒楣啊!這事剛好踫到我在休假...。
另一位則說:我比你更倒楣,我現在還在度蜜月哩!

笑到暈倒  <醫生篇part 8>
有個病人請教醫師關於手腳冰冷的問題。
醫師:「當我覺得手腳冰冷時,就會抱著我的妻子,於是就會熱起來,覺得溫暖....。」
病人:「這倒是一個值得一試的方法....那....請問尊夫人什麼時候比較方便呢?」

<醫生篇part 9>
有一個花花公子,因為玩的太兇了,結果那話兒就生病,連續看了好幾個西醫,醫生都告訴他:「你這裡不行了,一定得切掉!」
那花花公子怎捨得啊!就跑去看中醫。
中醫看了看說:「雖然太晚了,嗯....不過沒關係!」
「真的嗎?可是我看了好多西醫都說一定要切掉。」
醫生道:「西醫就是這樣,動不動就要切東西。這瓶藥你拿去,每天塗三次要不了多久,它就會自己掉下來的啦!」

<醫生篇part 10>
「大夫,手術成功的可能性有多少﹖」
「哦,我連這一次,已經有九十七次的手術經驗了。」
「那我就放心了。」
「嗯!我也希望成功一次。」


阿兵哥笑話(看完後心情愉快哦!)

報告班長
正接受兵役身體檢查的年青人對檢驗官說:「我近視很深,應該不適合當兵吧?」
檢驗官:「放心,我們會派你到最前線,你會看得很清楚。」

狙擊手~~
二次大戰如火如荼,將軍為了激勵士氣來到了前線…
「情況怎樣?」將軍問
士兵報告說:「報告將軍!前方20公尺的石堆中有一個狙擊手,不過他的槍法很爛,這幾天開了好多槍,都沒有打到人。」
將軍聽完便問:「既然發現狙擊手,為什麼不把他幹掉?」
士兵說:「報告將軍!不好吧,難道你要讓他們換一個比較準的嗎?」

大樹說話~~
天兵一號這天摸魚被抓…
班長:「看見100公尺外的那棵大樹沒?」
天兵:「報告班長!有。」
班長:「現在跑過去,聽它說什麼。」
天兵:「啊?!」
班長:「啊什麼啊?快去!」
幾分鐘後……
士兵:「報、報告班長!它沒有說話…」
班長:「混蛋!一定是你沒有用心聽!再給我過去!」
又幾分鐘後 ……
士兵:「報告班長!大樹說話了!」
班長:「喔?它說什麼?」
士兵:「它請班長過去一下,它有話對班長說…」

海軍陸戰隊~~
這天,軍方高階長官前來海軍陸戰隊巡視。
長官:「怎樣?當海陸有什麼感想?」
甲兵:「報告!一日陸戰隊,終身陸戰隊!」
長官:「呵呵!很好!」「那你ㄋ?」
乙兵:「報告!一日陸戰隊,終生掉眼淚;終身陸戰隊,不死也殘廢。」
班長:「說什麼!去跑操場100圈!」
長官:「沒關係、沒關係。那天兵,你ㄋ?」
天兵:「我在當兵不怕累,只怕老婆跟人睡;她在爽我在累,誰叫我是海軍陸戰隊。」

Tuesday 31 October 2006

The good old days

Gosh this is really good.., share with you all...
Especially for those of us born and raised in Malaysia (esp. fond of the memory of the Milo truck coming to school once in a blue moon to give away free packet-chocolate-milk at school!).

For your reading pleasure...some might be true. Hope you will all enjoy reading it. This might bring you back the old memory especially during those school days.... Signs that you are a 70s' or 80s' baby:

You grew up watching G-Force, He-man, Transformers, Thundercats, Silver Hawk, Woody Woodpecker, Chipmunks and Mickey Mouse. Not to forget Ninja Turtles, Mask, Smurfs and Voltron too.

Girls watched Japanese cartoon like My Little Pony, "Xiao Tian Tian", "Hua Xian Zi"
etc.

You grew up brushing your teeth with a mug in primary school after recess time.

You squatted by a drain with all your classmates beside you, and brushed your teeth with a colourful mug.

Remember the days when the school nurse, comes with a list for the dentist appointment, the sound of the drilling when your friend has a fill in his tooth.

You remember the packets of milk we get in primary school to encourage us to drink more milk. (It cost only 30 cent per pack)

In secondary school, girls go to the library to borrow their favourite romance storybook.

In secondary school, girls altered their school skirt to shorten it and guys will go to the school appointed school uniform tailor shop to tailor make their school trousers to the then fashionable "baggy pants"!

During primary school days, the teacher will punish you using a ruler to hit your palm.

A bowl of noodles soup cost only 30cent in primary school days.

When you were in primary school, girls like to go to the bookshop to buy cute stuff such as animal erasers, various shape sharpeners, colourful notebook etc.

Hankyu Jaya, Yaohan departmental stores used to be a favourite hangout for families during weekends.

In secondary school days, you buy the Bata BM Turbo or Pallas Jazz school shoes.

Some guys like to wear those china made ankle high shoes. Some even like to wear those very thick socks with their school shoes.

Internet? E-mail? What the hell is that?

So you thought a decade or more ago, your friends don't have pagers or handphones in school.

CDs? What's that? Cassette tapes were the norm.
Movie tickets used to cost less than $5 last time.

The goodies from Mama shop used to be Chickerdis, Mamee , Kum Kum, UFO, O-Ya, Ding Dang chocolate balls with toys in the box, colourful hard "egg", "cigerette" bubble gum, KIKI Bubble Gum, pink bottle of bubbles c/w a small tubes with yellow sticks to blow "more lasting" bubbles that you can pop more air in or slam it on. You will laugh at the tv advertisement advertising on those toys...

You never forget 'Ti Kam'.

When exams are over, the board games (e.g Monopoly, Donkey, Transportation Comparison Card) and held video games will be all over the class room.

Your favourite sound is the bell for it's the homemade ice cream man. The cream that tops Haagan Dazs!

And the other peddler you love is the old lady who sells juicy Muah Chee and thick olden syrup rolled in a balloon the tip of a chopstick

Another bell is the recess bell, a time to get away from school work and to eat. Another time when there is no bell but all guys will anxiously wait for it...The PJ (Pendidikan Jasmani), PE time (time for football)!!

Your favourite childhood games were playing "guli"(marbles), five stones, five bottle cover, zero-point, catching, "Pepsi-Cola one two three" and/or "Police & Sentry"!

The best thirst quencher of all times is the yummy colourful ice tubes you can buy from provision shops for only 10 cent. To eat them, break the tab and suck while holding the freezing tube!

All gals have a girl doll/strawberry shortcake/my little pony/pound puppy, while all boys have a soldiers figurine (combat) or a rubber band catapult that shoots folded paper!

Once was the era whereby ice-cream sticks were valuable items, then came the paper aircrafts, chalk fights.

Some boys made their own guns from wood, and used 'Bacali' as the bullets.

Some even used matches to shoot and burn kids'lanterns during MoonCake Festival.

And your favourite holiday was Lunar New Year! New clothes, Ang Pows, shopping, junk food and family outings!

Let's see, the majority of students in universities today were born in 1987/88... They are called "youth".

For them, they have never heard of the song "We are the World, we are the Children..." And the "Uptown Girl" they know is by 'West Life' but not 'Billy Joel'.

For them, there have always been only one Germany and only one Vietnam. AIDS exists since they were born.

CD exists since they were born. Michael Jackson is already whitened. John Travolta is always round in shape and they can't imagine how this fat guy could be a god of dance. They believe that Spiderman and Incredible Hulk are just new films. They can never imagine a black and white screen for a computer.They never know what is Atari or 'Game & Watch'. They can't believe a black and white television ever existed and they don't even know how to switch on a TV without a remote control. And they never understand how we can go out without a mobile phone when we were in university...

Let's check if we're getting old...
1. You understand what was written above and you smile.
2. Most of your secondary school friends are getting married.
3. You are always surprised to see small children playing comfortably with computer.
4. When you see teenagers with mobile phones, you shake your head.
5. You spend less and less time talking on phone with your friends daily.
6. When you meet your old friends from time to time, talking about the good old days, repeating again and again all funny stories you experienced together.

Hahaha...! Yes! We are getting old too...........
Brings back old memories huh? Cheers to the 70s n 80s babies!!!

Sunday 29 October 2006

Friday 13 October 2006

To realise

To realise the value of a sister:
Ask someone who doesn't have one

To realise the value of ten years:
Ask a newly divorced couple

To realise the value of four years:
Ask a graduate

To realise the value of one year:
Ask a student who has failed a final exam

To realise the value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a still born.

To realise the value of one month:
Ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby

To realise the value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper

To realise the value of one hour:
Ask the lovers who are waiting to meet

To realise the value of one minute:
Ask a person who has missed the train, bus or plane

To realise the value of one-second:
Ask a person who has survived an accident

To realise the value of one millisecond:
Ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics

Time waits for no one. Treasure every moment you have.
You will treasure it even more when you can share it with someone special.

To realise the value of a friend:
Lose one.

Thursday 5 October 2006

Happiness is Voyage

We convince ourselves that life will be better once we are married, have a baby, then another.
Then we get frustrated because our children are not old enough, and that all will be well when they are older.
Then we are frustrated because they reach adolescence and we must deal with them.
Surely we'll be happier when they grow out of the teen years. We tell ourselves our life will be better when our spouse gets his/her act together, when we have a nicer car, when we can take a vacation, when we finally retire.
The truth is that there is no better time to be happy than right now. If not, then when?

Your life will always be full of challenges. It is better to admit as much and to decide to be happy in spite of it all.
For the longest time, it seemed that life was about to start.
Real life.
But there was always some obstacle along the way, an ordeal to get through, some work to be finished, some time to be given, a bill to be paid.
Then life would start.
I finally came to understand that those obstacles were life.
That point of view helped me see that there isn't any road to happiness.

Happiness IS the road.

So, enjoy every moment.
Stop waiting for school to end, for a return to school, to lose ten pounds, to gain ten pounds, for work to begin, to get married, for Friday evening, for Sunday morning, waiting for a new car, for your mortgage to be paid off, for spring, for summer, for fall, for winter, for the first or the fifteenth of the month, for your song to be played on the radio, to die, to be reborn... before deciding to be happy.

Happiness is a voyage, not a destination.

There is no better time to be happy than... NOW!
Live and enjoy the moment.

-Author unknown-


Now, think and try to answer these questions:
1 – Name the 5 richest people in the world.
2 – Name the last 5 Miss Universe winners.
3 – Name the last 10 Nobel Prize winners.
4 – Name the last 10 winners of the Best Actor Oscar.

Can't do it? Rather difficult, isn't it?
Don't worry, nobody remembers that.
Applause dies away!
Trophies gather dust!
Winners are soon forgotten.

Now answer these questions:
1 – Name 3 teachers who contributed to your education.
2 – Name 3 friends who helped you in your hour of need.
3 – Think of a few people who made you feel special.
4 – Name 5 people that you like to spend time with.

More manageable?
It's easier, isn't it?
The people who mean something to your life are not rated "the best", don't have the most money, haven't won the greatest prizes...
They are the ones who care about you, take care of you, those who, no matter what, stay close by.
Think about it for a moment.
Life is very short!
And you, in which list are you? Don't know?

Let me give you a hand.
You are not among the most "famous", but among those to whom I remember to send this message...


Some time ago, at the Seattle Olympics, nine athletes, all mentally or physically challenged, were standing on the start line for the 100 m race. The gun fired and the race began. Not everyone was running, but everyone wanted to participate and win. They ran in threes, a boy tripped and fell, did a few somersaults and started crying. The other eight heard him crying. They slowed down and looked behind them. They stopped and came back. All of them.
A girl with Down's Syndrome sat down next to him, hugged him and asked, "Feeling better now?"
Then, all nine walked shoulder to shoulder to the finish line.
The whole crowd stood up and applauded. And the applause lasted a very long time... People who witnessed this still talk about it. Why?

Because deep down inside us, we all know that the most important thing in life is much more than winning for ourselves.
The most important thing in this life is to help others to win. Even if that means slowing down and changing our own race.

If you spread this out by forwarding, perhaps we will succeed in changing our heart, perhaps someone else's heart, as well...

A candle loses nothing if it is used to light another one.

So, what have you decided? Trash this or forward it?

當我老了(很棒的一篇文章)

謹以此文獻給像我一樣流浪在外的子女們

遊蕩了這麼多年,從東到西,又從北到南,一年又一年,我在長大,知識在增加,世界在變小,家鄉的母親在變老。二十一年前母親把我送上了火車,從那以後,我一刻也沒有停止探索這個世界,二十年裡,從北京到上海,從廣州到香港,從紐約到華盛頓,從南美到南非,從倫敦到雪梨,我遊蕩過五十多個國家,在十幾個城市生活和工作過。每到一個地方,從裡到外,就得改變自己以適應新的環境,而唯一不變的是心中對母親的思念。

IP電話卡出現後,我才有能力常常從國外給母親打電話,電話中母親興奮不已的聲音總能讓我更加輕鬆地面對生活中的艱難和挑戰。然而也有讓我不安的地方,那就是我感覺到母親的聲音一次比一次蒼老。過去兩年裡,母親每次電話中總是反覆叮囑:
好好再外面生活,不要擔心我,一定要照顧好自己,不要想著回來,回來很花錢,又對你的工作和事業不好,不要想著我……說得越來越囉嗦,囉嗦得讓我心疼,我知道,母親想我了。

母親今年七十五歲。

我毅然決定放下手頭的一切工作,擱下心裡的一切計劃,扣下腦袋裡的一切想法,回國回家去陪伴母親一個月。這一個月裡,什麼也不幹,什麼也不想,只是陪伴母親。

從我打電話告訴母親的那一天開始到我回到家,有兩個月零八天,後來我知道,母親放下電話後,就拿出一個小本本,然後給自己擬定了一個計劃,她要為我回家做準備。那兩個月裡母親把我喜歡吃的菜都準備好,把我小時候喜歡蓋的被子「筒」好,還要為我準備在家裡穿的衣服……這一切對於一個行動不方便的,患有輕微老年癡呆症的75歲的母親來說是多麼的不容易,你肯定無法體會。

直到我回去的前一天,母親才自豪地告訴鄰居:總算準備好了。 我回到了家。在飛機上,我很想見到母親的時候擁抱她一下,但見面後我並沒有這樣做。母親站在那裡,像一隻風乾的劈柴,臉上的皺紋讓我怎麼也想不起以前母親的樣子。

母親花了整個整個的小時準備菜,她準備的都是我以前最喜歡的。但是我知道,我早就不再喜歡我以前喜歡的菜。而且母親由於眼睛看不清,味覺的變化,做的菜都是鹹一碗,淡一碗的。母親為我準備的被子是新棉花墊的,厚厚的像席夢思,我一點也不習慣,我早就用空調被子和羊毛被了。但我都沒有說出來。我是回來陪伴母親的。

開始兩天母親忙找張羅來張羅去,沒有時間坐下來,後來有時間坐下來了,母親就開始囉嗦了。母親開始給我講人生的大道理,只是這些大道理是幾十年前母親反覆講過的。後來母親還講,而且開始對照這些道理來檢討我的生活和工作。於是我開始耐心地告訴媽媽,那些道理過時了。於是母親就會癡呆呆地坐在那裡。

情況變得越來越糟糕。我發現母親由於身體特別是眼睛不好,做飯時不講衛生,飯菜裡經常混進蟲子蒼蠅,飯菜掉在灶台上,她又會撿進碗裡,
於是我婉轉地告訴母親,我們到外面吃一點。母親馬上告訴我,外面吃不乾淨,假東西多。我又告訴母親,想為她請一個保姆,母親生氣地一拐一拐在房間裡辟啪辟啪地走,說她自己還可以去給人家當保姆。我無話可說。我要去逛街,母親一定要去,結果我們一個上午都沒有走到商場。

每當我們討論一些事情的時候,母親總以為兒子已經誤入歧途,而我也開始不客氣地告訴母親,時代進步了,不要再用老眼光看東西。 和母親在一起的下半個月,我越來越多地打斷母親的話,越來越多的感到不耐煩,
但我們從來沒有爭吵,因為每當我提高聲音或者打斷母親的話,她都一下子停下來,沉默不語,眼睛裡有迷茫——母親的老年癡呆症越來越嚴重了。

我要走前,母親從床底下吃力地拉出一個小紙箱,打開來,取出厚厚的一疊剪報。原來我出國後,母親開始關心國外的事情,為此他還專門訂了份《參考消息》,每當她看到國外發生的一些排華辱華事件,又或者出現嚴重的治安問題,她就會小心地把它們剪下來,放好。她要等我回來,一起交給我。她常常說,出門在外,要小心。幾天前鄰居告訴我,母親在家看一曲日本人欺負中國華人的電視劇,在家哭了起來,第二天到處打聽怎麼樣子才能帶消息到日本。那時我正在日本講學。

母親吃力地把那捆剪報搬出來,好像寶貝一樣交到我手裡,沉甸甸的,我為難了,我不可能帶這些走,何況這些也沒有什麼用處,可是母親剪這些資料下來的艱難也只有我知道,母親看報必須使用放大鏡,她一天可以看完兩個版面就不錯了,要剪這麼大一捆資料,可想而知。我正在為難,這時那一捆剪報裡飄落下一片紙片。我想去撿起來,沒有想到,母親竟然先撿了起來。只是她並沒有放進我手裡的這捆剪報裡,而是小心地收進了自己的口袋。

「媽媽,那一張剪報是什麼?給我看一下。」我問。

母親猶豫了一下,把那張小剪報放在那一疊剪報上面,轉身到廚房準備晚餐去了。

我拿起小剪報,發現是一篇小文章,題目是「當我老了」,旁邊的日期是
《參考消息》 2004年12月6日 (正是我開始越來越多打斷母親的話,對母親不耐煩的時候)。

文章擇選自墨西哥《數字家庭》十一月號。我一口氣讀完這篇短文:

當我老了

當我老了,不再是原來的我。
請理解我,對我有一點耐心。

當我把菜湯灑到自己的衣服上時,當我忘記怎樣繫鞋帶時, 請想一想當初我是如何手把手地教你。

當我一遍又一遍地重複你早已聽膩的話語, 請耐心地聽我說,不要打斷我。
你小的時候,我不得不重複那個講過千百遍的故事,直到你進入夢鄉。

當我需要你幫我洗澡時, 請不要責備我。
還記得小時候我千方百計哄你洗澡的情形嗎?

當我對新科技和新事物不知所措時, 請不要嘲笑我。
想一想當初我怎樣耐心地回答你的每一個「為什麼」。

當我由於雙腿疲勞而無法行走時, 請伸出你年輕有力的手攙扶我。
就像你小時候學習走路時,我扶你那樣。

當我忽然忘記我們談話的主題, 請給我一些時間讓我回想。
其實對我來說,談論什麼並不重要,只要你能在一旁聽我說 ,我就很滿足。

當你看著老去的我,請不要悲傷。
理解我,支持我, 就像你剛才開始學習如何生活時我對你那樣。

當初我引導你走上人生路,如今請陪伴我走完最後的路。
給我你的愛和耐心,我會抱以感激的微笑,這微笑中凝結著我對你無限的愛。

一口氣讀完,我差一點忍不住流下眼淚,這時母親走出來,我假裝什麼也沒有發生,母親原本是要我帶走後回到海外自己再看到這片剪報的。我隨手把那篇文章放在這一捆剪報裡。然後把我的箱子打開,我留下了一套昂貴的西裝,才把剪報塞進去。我看到母親特別高興,彷彿那些剪報是護身符,又彷彿我接受了母親的剪報,就又變成了一個好孩子。

母親一直把我送上出租車。 那捆剪報真的沒有什麼用處,但那篇「當我老了」的小紙片從此以後會伴隨我……

現在這張小紙片就在我的書桌前,我把它鑲在了鏡框裡。現在我把這文章打印出來,與像我一樣的海外遊子共享。在新的一年將要到來的時候,給母親打個電話,告訴她你一直想吃她老人家做的小菜……

Jawapan dalam ujian sejarah

Memang cikgu nak pengsan bila baca jawapan begitu... Hahaha...
Tapi sekurang-kurangnya dia tidak menghantar kertas kosong dan dah cuba sedaya-upaya ketika menjawab soalanlah...




Karangan budak sekolah

Tuesday 3 October 2006

One Day I Decided To Quit

Story from internet, share with you all...

One day I decided to quit... I quit my job, my relationship, my Spirituality... I wanted to quit my life.
I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.
"God", I said. "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"
His answer surprised me... "Look around", He said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?"
"Yes", I replied.
"When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them. I gave them light. I gave them water. The fern quickly grew from the earth. Its brilliant green covered the floor. Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo. In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful. And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo" He said.
"In year three there was still nothing from the bamboo seed. But I would not quit. In year four, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed. I would not quit" He said.
"Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth. Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant... But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall. It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive. I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle" He said to me.
"Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling, you have act ually been growing roots?"
"I would not quit on the bamboo. I will never quit on you."
"Don't compare yourself to others..." He said.
"The bamboo had a different purpose than the fern. Yet they both make the forest beautiful."
"Your time will come," God said to me. "You will rise high..."
"How high should I rise?" I asked.
"How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return.
"As high as it can?" I questioned.
"Yes." He said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can."
I left the forest and bring back this story.
I hope these words can help you see that God will never give up on you.

~ It is not the length of life, but the depth of life ~

Friday 29 September 2006

How to make sentences using 1 to 10

Ah Lek was asked to make sentences using 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 & 10.
Apart of doing it using 1 to 10, he can even did it again from 10 back to 1!

This is what he came up with:
1 day I go 2 climb a 3 outside a house to peep. But the couple saw me, so I panic and 4 down. The man rushed out and wanted to 5 with me. I ran until I fell 6 and threw up. So I go into 7-eleven and grabbed some 8 to throw at him. Then I took a 9 and try to stab at him. 10 goodness he runs away. 10 I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7-eleven. Next day I called my boss and told him I was 6. He said 5,tomorrow also no need to come back 4 work. He also asked me to go climb a 3 and jump down. I don't understand.I am so nice 2 him but I don't know what he 1.

X and Y Chromosome

如何生个聪明宝宝,太经典咯

决定智商的八对基因 (好像是八对) 全部都是位于X染色体上面,在此先复习男女性是如何来的:

男生的性染色体是XY,X (卵)是来自母亲,Y(精子)是来自父亲。
女生的性染色体是XX,X (卵)是来自母亲,X(精子)是来自父亲。
所以生男生女都是先生决定的,不要怪罪妈妈的肚皮不争气!!!!


请注意:

男生是XY,所以男生的智商全部都是来自母亲的遗传,女生是XX,所以女生的智商是父亲跟母亲各有一半影响。
因为女生的智商是父亲母亲都有影响,所以会有中和的效应。
所以女生智商的分布会呈现自然分布(normal distribution),就是中间最多,两边较少。
男生因为是完全只受一方影响,所以男生智商分布会呈现在偏向在两个极端。
也就是说,天才中男生比较多但是同时,蠢材之中也是男生特别多。

从这其中我们总结出:你要判断一个男生聪不聪明,看他妈妈就知道了。

可是,要怎么判断一个男生的妈妈聪不聪明,我们用机率来算:
真正经典的计算开始咯。。。

生男孩的机率= 1/2;生女孩的机率=1/2。
生男孩的时候,母亲对于男孩智商的影响力 = 1
生女孩的时候,母亲对于女孩智商的影响力 = 1/2

所以说母亲跟父亲对于下一代智商的影响力(期望值)的比例是

1*1/2 + 1/2*1/2 : 0*1/2 + 1/2*1/2
= 0.75 : 0.25
= 3 : 1
= 母: 父

所以:

1、如果你是男生,如果你觉得你很笨的话。你千万要娶一个聪明的女生来。这样你小孩翻盘的机率还有七成五,人生还是充满了希望。

2. 如果你是女生,如果你觉得你很笨的话,你毁人家子孙的机率有七成五,如果你恨谁,就嫁给他吧。 (这句话决的。。。)

3. 当你看到一个男生很聪明的时候,则他母亲一定也很聪明,所以,如果你在考虑要嫁给一个很聪明的男生的时候,你就要小心他妈,她可能会是一个很会算计的婆婆。 反之,当你看到一个男生很笨的时候,如果他很有钱,要毫不犹豫的嫁给他。不要觉得你是为了他的钱,你要跟自己说,你是为了要改善人类未来的基因。

最后重复一次:

1. 判断男生智商,看妈妈。
2. 笨男生无论如何也要娶聪明女生。
3. 女生不要嫁聪明男生,应该嫁给笨男生。

Thursday 28 September 2006

Idiot

"Wei.., what is an idiot?"
"An idiot is a person who tries to explain his idea in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him cannot understand him. Do you understand me?"
"No."

"Honey, why are you wearing the wedding ring on your wrong finger?"
"Because i married the wrong person!"

Wednesday 27 September 2006

School movie clips

This clip reminded me of my school times... people nowadays are very creative with the advancement in science and technology especially in ICT area...
Hey, where is our "The RA" movie...??
Ops, the main actor and actress already left la.., can do another version or not...?



Another one this is from other school.., really make me laugh till die...
They are our future award winning movie makers, very potential and talented... The best movie clip i ever watched...



Enjoy... "p

Tuesday 26 September 2006

太委屈 Too grievance

This famous mandarin song 太委屈 (Too Grievance) was modified by Streamyx users in Malaysia reflecting their unsatisfactory of the broadband service... This is the most "peaceful" and "calmest" thing we could do, the rest is beyond our power...

"Then why you still using their service wo? Use other company ga lah..."
"If got we early also use liao lah... you think we stupid ga meh..."
"We complain here there... "com" come "com" go "com" no road leh..."
"Aiya.., "com" means complain lah.., say like that only rhyme le mah..."

They monopolised the broadband service in Malaysia liao ma...
Sorry if this had violated any copyright or other legal-related matter..., just for sharing...

The live version


The rock and angry version


Song lyris and other singers
YouZi, 拼凑Jeff, Teck Jung, Jerry胡某, Smoothriver

The live version

ISP版 “太委屈” by smoothriver
每当狂风暴雨的时候
我的 Internet 会断线
那是我每晚最重要的时候
我和 我女友 iChat 的时刻
你不停的寄单给我
说不还就会切断线
但我已经忘记女友的样子
你逼我寻找新联络方式
已经习惯被你放风筝
已没有所谓的恨不恨
因为我没有其他的选择
空虚的夜晚是你造成 真是GY
太委屈 每次投诉后就没有一丝的消息
不哭泣 因为我已经习惯没有回应的日子
太委屈 我真是很想叫人杀掉你做料理
不能再这样下去
严重的犯罪心理
希望你能够快点接上去
好让我和我女友美好联系

The Rock and Angry version

ISP版 “太委屈” by 胡某
作詞:胡某
作曲:鄭華娟
歌手:動力胡某
每當狂風暴雨的時候 我的Internet都會斷線
那是我每一晚最重要的時候 我和我那女友skyping 的時刻。
你不斷地寄單给我 說一不還就會切線
但我已經忘記我的女朋友的樣子 是你逼我尋找新歡的方式。
已经习惯被你放风筝 已没有所谓的恨你不恨
因为我没有其他的选择 我空虚的夜晚是你一手造成的。
太委屈 每一次投诉后就没有一丝的消息
不哭泣 因为我已经习惯没有回应的日子。
太委屈 你讓我怎麼等你四十八個小時
要出氣 因為你竟然可以要我等你八個漫長的日子。
太委屈 我真是很想叫人殺掉你做日本料理
不能再這樣下去 嚴重的犯罪心理。
希望你能够快點接上去 好讓我和我女友美好聯系。

Sunday 24 September 2006

How men and women differ...

For your reading pleasure...
HOW MEN AND WOMEN DIFFER

NICKNAMES
* If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they willcall each other Laura, Kate and Sarah
* If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes

EATING OUT
* When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back
* When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators

MONEY
* A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs
* A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale

BATHROOMS
* A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from M&S
* The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items

ARGUMENTS
* A woman has the last word in any argument
* Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument

CATS
* Women love cats
* Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats

FUTURE
* A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband
* A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife

SUCCESS
* A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend
* A successful woman is one who can find such a man

MARRIAGE
* A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't
* A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does

DRESSING UP
* A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins, answer the phone, read a book,and get the post.
* A man will dress up for weddings and funerals

NATURAL
* Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed
* Women somehow deteriorate during the night

OFFSPRING
* Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopesand dreams
* A man is vaguely aware of some short people livingin the house

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
* Any married man should forget his mistakes. There'sno use in two people remembering the same thing.

* What a woman says: C'mon...This place is a mess. You and I need to clean. Your trousers are on the floor and you'll have no clothes if we don't do the laundry now.
* What a man hears: C'MON... blah, blah, blah YOU AND I blah, blah, blah, blah, blah ON THE FLOOR blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES blah, blah, blah, blah, NO

Thursday 21 September 2006

The Difference Between Rich/Poor People?

One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to thecountry with the express purpose of showing him how poor people live. They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.

On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was thetrip?"
"It was great, Dad."
"Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked.
"Oh yeah," said the son.
"So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.
The son answered:
"I saw that we have one dog and they had four.
We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end.
We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night.
Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.
We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight.
We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.
We buy our food, but they grow theirs.
We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them."

The boy's father was speechless.
Then his son added, "Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are."

Isn't perspective a wonderful thing? Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about what we don't have.
Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!
Pass this on to friends and acquaintances and help them refresh their perspective and appreciation.

"Life is too short and friends are too few."

Monday 18 September 2006

Don't treat others the way you don't want to be treated



How do you know if you are a chinese

28 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU ARE A CHINESE

1. You unwrap gifts very carefully, so you can save and reuse the wrapping (and especially those
ribbons).

2. When there is a sale on toilet paper, you will buy 100 rolls and store them in your closet or in the bedroom of an adult child who has move out.

3. You keep a Thermos of hot water available at all times.

4. You save grocery bags, tin foil, and tin containers. You use the grocery bags to hold garbage.

5. You hate to waste food:
a ) Even if you're totally full, if someone says they're going to throw away the leftovers on the table, you'll finish them. (Your mom will give a lecture about starving kids in Africa)
b ) You have Tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or one leftover chicken wing.

6. You don't own any real Tupperware...only a cupboard full of used but carefully rinsed margarine tubs, take out containers, and jam jars.

7. You have a collection of miniature shampoo bottles that you take every time you stay in a hotel.

8. You wipe your plate and utensils or wash them in a small basin of hot water before you eat every time you go to a restaurant.

9. You own a rice cooker and a slow cooker.

10. You wash your rice at least 2-3 times before cooking it.

11. You fight (verbally) over who pays the dinner bill.

12. You have a teacup with a cover on it.

13. If you're under age 20, you own a really expensive walkman if you're over 20, you own a really expensive camera.

14. You're a wok user.

15. You only make long distance calls after 7pm.

16. You prefer your shrimp with the heads and legs still attached-it means they're fresh.

17. You never call your parents just to say hi.

18. If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they'll ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight.

19. Your parents tell you to boil herbs and stay inside when you get sick. They also tell you not to eat fried foods or baked goods because they're heaty ("yeet hay" in Cantonese).

20. You e-mail your Chinese friends at work, even though you only sit 10 feet apart.

21. You always cook too much.

22. You eat every last grain of rice in your bowl, but don't eat the last piece of food on the table.

23. You starve yourself before going to all you can eat buffet.

24. You know someone who can get you a good deal on jewelry or electronics, computers.

25. You own your own meat cleaver and sharpen it.

26. Your toothpaste tubes are all squeezed paper-thin.

27. You know why this list consists of only "28" reasons.

28. You take this message and forward it to all your Chinese friends.

Here are some more indications that you might need to add:-

*29. You wrap with napkins all the knives, spoons and forks of the airline that you fly on and put in your travel bag as souvenirs.

*30 You never forget to take with you all the unused bath and facial tissues when you check out from the hotel because you believe that you have paid it all.

*31 You will laugh at yourself when you read all of them.

*32 And you will always proud because you're Chinese. If you are laughing, you should be proud being one.

Saturday 16 September 2006

Thinking in another way..

有好的文章,要跟好朋友的你分享!

換個角度,你就是贏家

秘書恭謹地把名片交給董事長,一如預期,董事長不厭煩地把名片丟回去,很無奈地,秘書把名片退回去給立在門外看盡尷尬的業務員,業務員不以為杵地再把名片遞給秘書,「沒關係,我下次再來拜訪,所以還是請董事長留下名片。」

拗不過業務員的堅持,秘書硬著頭皮,再進辦公室,董事長火大了,將名片一撕兩半,丟回給秘書。

秘書不知所措地楞在當場,董事長更氣,從口袋拿出十塊錢,「十塊錢買他一張名片,夠了吧!」

豈知當秘書遞還給業務員名片與銅板後,業務員很開心地高聲說:「請你跟董事長說,十塊錢可以買二張我的名片,我還欠他一張。」隨即再掏出一張名片交給秘書。

突然,辦公室裡傳來一陣大笑,董事長走了出來,「這樣的業務員不跟他談生意,我還找誰談?」

這是業務員每天都會碰到的場面,如果光是靠修養或到魔鬼營訓練,還是有洩氣時,超級業務員也有倒地不起的一天。

能自別人設下的困局跳脫者,都有一個本事,那就是--逆向思考,當你不順著設局者的邏輯思考時,當你不順著設局者的邏輯思考時,你才能出自己的招,去破解對手的招數。說是阿Q也好,說是三八也好,卻是完全自我的主宰者。

有一個在金融界工作的朋友,新進公司做基金研究員時,不知怎地,主管老是看他不順眼,比如邀請大家下班後到他家吃火鍋,總是不小心漏了他。

朋友給自己打氣的方式是,去「阿杜」吃港式高級火鍋,「比他還享受!」。

主管要給他難堪,哪知他更得意!而主管分配給他的基金,老是冷門商品,很難有業績上的表現,他也不氣。

現在,朋友說:「還好他這樣對我,否則我現在只能做研究分析。」

主管的態度逼使他走出另一條路來,現在他在另一家公司的行銷企畫部如魚得水;「很謝謝他的造就」。

人的胸襟有多大,成就就有多大,爭一時不如爭千秋,更何況你怎麼知道,老天爺的布局不是要讓你扛起更大的責任呢?

忍一時之氣,退一步海闊天空,反倒是處處是出路,別把精神能量虛擲在不值得的人身上。

滿有道理的~~~~換個角度,你就是贏家。

有沒有一個人,是你用盡了一生力氣還捨不得將他遺忘....

聽過那個傳說嗎?
耳朵癢的時候,是有人在想你。
但是,有時候,你很想念一個人,你不會打電話給他。
因為,打電話給他,不知道說甚麼好,還是不打比較好。
記得嗎?
你很想念爸爸和媽媽,所以打電話給他們。
心中所要的,只是單純的聽聽他們的聲音,單純的想跟他們聊聊天。
可是,每一次,總是有太多的爭執,太多的意見不合,激動與憤怒勝過了理智,失去了那一份單純,你們以吵架收場。
下一次,當你再拿起話筒,又很想打電話給他們的時候,你會猶豫,然後放下話筒。
不是嗎?
你打電話給一個許久不見面的朋友。
過去,你們無所不言,言無不盡;現在,話題卻一直在原地打轉,還是那些無謂的噓寒問暖,那些無關緊要的事,那種感覺並不好受。
從此以後,當你想念他,你不會打電話給他。
這樣吧!
打電話給舊情人,就是那句「我們還是朋友」﹔可是,他身邊也許有另一個人了,又說些甚麼好呢?既然這麼久沒聯絡了,就別再聯絡了吧!
愛情不再的那一刻,或許失意且悲傷,或許心痛,但我們仍毅然決然,彼此都很灑脫,就算只是堅強偽裝,但那至少很漂亮吧!
如此難得,何必因為那偶爾憶起的思念,破壞那一刻的回憶?
想念一個人,不一定要看見他的模樣,不一定要聽到他的聲音。
因為真實接觸後,也許就是另一回事。
不要說我太愛夢想,但想像中的一切,往往比現實再美好一些﹔想念中的那個人,也比真的他再溫暖一點。或許思念好像非常遙遠,但是卻偏偏比現實更親近一點。
思念很近,電話線的那一頭,卻好像很遠,還是不打電話比較好。
耳朵好癢,你在想我嗎?
我很想你,卻如何也鼓不起勇氣,寫信給你。
想念你,不找你……。

失望或難過時~別忘了我還陪伴在你身邊加油打氣喔!

有沒有一雙手,握住了便不輕易放手
有沒有一個肩膀,可以倚靠一輩子都有安全感
有沒有一場擁抱,緊緊的讓兩個人再也不分開
有沒有一種約定,是相約每一個來生都要和你相遇
有沒有一段感情,深深刻在心裡一輩子不會忘記
有沒有一個人,是你用盡了一生力氣還捨不得將他遺忘
天長地久,有多久,能給個時間嗎?

給自己最好的禮物

給自己最好的禮物  ◎何權峰

不論你傷害誰,就長遠來看,你都是傷害到你自己,或許你現在並沒有覺知,但它一定會繞回來。凡你對別人所做的,就是對自己做,這是歷來最偉大的教誨。不管你對別人做了什麼,那個真正接收的人,並不是別人,而是你自己;同理,當你給予他人,當你為別人付出,那個真正獲利的也不是別人,而是你自己。

某天,小張要去相親,因為沒有看過對方,擔心她長得太醜,於是交代朋友,十分鐘後call他的手機,這樣他就可以藉機遁逃。
到了約會地點之後,小張發現女方驚為天人,於是心想,等一下手機響不要回就好了。沒想到,美女的手機這時候響了起來,美女聽了兩秒後,對小張說:「對不起,朋友有急事找我,我要先走了……」

*****

有一個男人在派對上對男主人說:「今天的美女真多,要是待會兒我泡上一個,你可不可以把樓上的房間借我一用。」
主人說:「那你老婆怎麼辦?」
這人說:「放心,她不會想念我的,我只失縱一下而已。」
主人說:「我不是說這個,我是說十五分鐘前,她才向我借了樓上的房間。」

*****

有一個老光棍,他並沒有什麼嗜好,只是喜歡在睡覺前喝一點葡萄酒自娛。然而,他發現這幾天有人偷了他的酒。他便懷疑偷酒的是他的佣人,於是就把酒倒出來,再裝入他的小便。但裝小便的酒,仍然每天減少。他很不高興的把佣人叫來,責備一番。
「不,我並沒有偷喝」佣人說:「我是想做味道更香更可口的菜給您吃,所以我每天燒菜時,都加了一點在裡面。」

*****

從這三則短文中各位有沒有發現什麼共通之處呢?沒錯,你怎麼對別人,別人就怎麼對你;你給別人什麼,別人就回報你什麼。
說得更白一點就是,你給別人的,其實是給自己的。
就像我在前面說過的,不管你丟出去什麼,或是想了、說了、做了什麼,最後都會回到你身上,不是嗎?
你給別人的,其實是給自己自食惡果的事說都說不完,讓我們再聽下面的故事:

在一家簡陋的酒館裡,正在喝大杯啤酒的李先生,突然覺得內急,他匆匆忙忙站了起來,又想到上廁所時,酒可能被別人偷喝,猶豫一會後,他找到一張紙,寫上「我吐口水在這裡」,把它放在杯子下面,然後才放心的去上廁所。
過了幾分鐘後,李先生回來時,他看到另一張紙寫道:「我也吐了一口在這裡。哈!」

我聽說從前有個人,他很不喜歡喝咖啡,但是他太太並不知道,他從來沒告訴過她。
她非常喜歡喝咖啡,所以每天早上都會順便為他準備一個熱水瓶的咖啡,跟他的便當擺在一起。
他一直都帶著那個便當和熱水瓶去工作,但是因為他很節儉,所以每天晚上都會把那個熱水瓶帶回家,裡面的咖啡完全沒有被動到。
他知道太太很喜歡喝咖啡,為了要省錢,所以當她沒看到的時候,他會將沒有喝的咖啡倒回咖啡壺裡。
晚上的時候他會用喝咖啡使他睡不著的理由把它推掉。
就這樣他每天都重複這麼做。
有一天,她的太太認識了另一個男人,他們計劃好要毒害他,以獲取巨額的保險金,於是她每天早上都放少量的砒霜在他的熱水瓶裡,日復一日,直到最後她毒死了她自己。

你給別人的,其實是給自己的。你說是不是呢?你所給予的,都會回到你身上如果你對人冷淡,別人也會回以冷漠;如果你經常批評別人,你也會接收到許多的批評;如果你總是擺一張臭臉,沒錯,別人也不會給你好臉色。

所有你所給予的,都會回到你身上。
套句詩人奧登(W.H. Auden)的話:「人受惡意之作弄,必作惡以回報。」
如果你陷害別人,哪天你也會遭人陷害。
同樣的道理,當你帶給別人歡樂,你就會得到歡樂;帶給別人祝福,你就會得到別人的祝福;如果你經常讚美別人,不久你也會聽到有人在讚美你,「你給別人的,其實是給自己的」,你讓他人經歷什麼,有一天你也將自己經歷;你怎麼對待你的父母,將來你的孩子也會怎麼對待你。

我想許多人一定聽過,格林童話中有一則關於一位老人和兒子住在一起的故事。

老人的耳力已經不行了,眼睛也看不見,顫抖的雙手經常把飯菜洒得滿地,碗也常打破,兒子夫婦倆感到非常厭煩,給老爸爸一付木製碗筷,把他趕到廚房幽暗的角落,不准和大家一起用餐。
有一天,兒子看到自己的兒子用刀片消木頭,他好奇的問孩子要做什麼結果孩子回答:「我在替你準備將來要用的木碗、木筷。」
從此以後,年老的父親又回到餐桌上吃飯,家人也都非常孝順他。

農夫的哲理地球是圓的,整個世界都在繞著圈子,不論你傷害誰,就長遠來看,你都是傷害到你自己,或許你現在並沒有覺知,但它一定會繞回來。
所以,如果你佔了別人什麼便宜,先別得意,很快你就會為此付出代價;反過來,若是別人對你做了什麼,你也無需氣憤,不必去報復,任何他們所做的,他們都將自食惡果。

「凡你對別人所做的,就是對自己所做的。」這是歷來最偉大的教誨。
不管你對別人做了什麼,那個真正接收的人,並不是別人,而是你自己;同理,當你給予他人,當你為別人付出,那個真正獲利的也不是別人,而是你自己。

有一個農夫的玉米品種,每年都榮獲最佳產品獎,而他也總是將自己的冠軍種籽,毫不吝惜地分贈給其他農友。
有人問他為什麼這麼大方?
他說:「我對別人好,其實是為自己好。風吹著花粉四處飛散,如果鄰家播種的是次等的種籽,在傳粉的過程中,自然會影響我的玉米品質。因此,我很樂意其他農友都播種同一優良品種。」

他的話看似簡單卻深富哲理,凡你對別人所做的,就是對自己所做的。
所以,凡事你希望自己得到的,你必須先讓別人得到。
保證有效的秘方就像那個農夫一樣,如果你想要得到冠軍的品種,就要給別人冠軍的種籽。
你若想被愛,就要先去愛人;你期望被人關心,就要先去關心別人;你要想別人對你好,就要先對別人好。這是一個保證有效的秘方,可以適用在任何情況。
如果你希望交到真心的朋友,你就必須先對朋友真心,然後你會發現朋友也開始對你真心;如果你希望快樂,那就去帶給別人快樂,不久你就會發現自己愈來愈快樂。
明白了嗎?
我們所能為自己做的最好的事情,就是去為他人多做點好事。
己所欲,施於人。
凡你想給予自己的經驗,就給予別人;想別人怎麼對你,就怎麼對待別人。
快樂最好的方法是多好事,要做好事最好的就是對別人好。

是的,對別人好,就是快樂,也是送給自己最好的禮物。

True love is neither physical nor romantic

With all the jokes and fun that are in e-mails, sometimes there are some that come along that have an important message, and this is one of those kind. Just had to share it with you all.

THIS IS WHAT LOVE IS ALL ABOUT

It was a busy morning, approximately 8:30 am, when an elderly gentleman in his 80's, arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He stated that he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am. I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him.

I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound. On exam it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound. While taking care of his wound, we began to engage in conversation I asked him if he had a doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry.

The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife.

I then inquired as to her health. He told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer's Disease. As we talked, and I finished dressing his wound, I asked if she would be worried if he was a bit late. He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now.

I was surprised, and asked him. "And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?" He smiled as he patted my hand and said. "She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is."

I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought, "That is the kind of love I want in my life." True love isneither physical, nor romantic.

True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.

薪水與人生

薪水結構可以均分成三等份:
一份是被老闆罵的「遮羞費」,一份是對客戶陪笑的「坐檯費」,另一份是加班「賣肝」賺的錢。
聽起來很幽默,但仔細想想,還真的很辛酸。

薪水與人生,到底有何牽連:
工作像吸血鬼,把我的人生瓶蓋打開之後,插一根吸管,將瓶子裡的「青春、熱情、希望」一飲而盡;
三分之一拿來養活現在的自己,三分之一存起來養活未來的自己,另外三分之一拿去養活「別人」,所謂「別人」,包括餐廳老闆、KTV業者、服飾店小姐,還有航空公司與旅行社。

因為工作沮喪必須上館子花錢吃大餐排遣鬱悶;
因為同事吆喝聚會,跑去KTV唱到「騷聲」還吸飽一缸子二手煙;
因為「肚爛」升遷不公平,狂買名牌服飾才得以洩恨;
因為想要舒緩工作壓力,跑去小島度假或到香港東京瞎拚, 「買東西吃東西買東西吃東西」,假期結束了,錢也花光了,才發現倦怠感根本沒甩掉。

許多年過去了,薪水與人生之間的比重關係,越來越傾斜,越來越難懂。

詩人曾經說過,所謂上班族,就是把生命切成一片一片,每個月,拿去換薪水。

人生自古不管是為五斗米或三斗米而折腰,實在都是很辛酸,請多珍重!

One month of our total bonus is not a bonus :(

consider this....
Interesting point of view...& a fact for arguments

Why there is a 13 month bonus when it's really isn't a bonus?
The mystery is finally revealed!

When the British were in Malaya, they were being paid weekly and they argued that locals were actually being cheated into believing that the13th month pay is a bonus.

Locals were being paid monthly which is equivalent to 4 weeks pay because there are 4 weeks in a month. As the British were paid weekly, it worked out to the same.
You see, there are 7 days in a week. 4 weeks in a month. 12 months in a year.
Then 12 months should work out to 48 weeks only.
But 1 year worked out to 52 weeks!!!
Hence the 13th month is your own pay (not bonus??!!).

So, the British argued that there is in fact no bonus at all???
It is a very simple calculation that stunned many!!!!

BONUS ??? What bonus??? It's actually your pay...!!!

Corporate Lessons

CORPORATE LESSON #1
A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears.

The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each"

So the eager senior manager shouted, "I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries.""Pfufffff, and he was gone.

Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails.""Pfufffff, and he was also gone.

The boss calmly said, "I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch."

MORAL OF THE STORY:
Always allow the boss to speak first


CORPORATE LESSON #2
A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road; he stopped and offered her a lift which she gladly accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg.The priest had a look and nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said, "Father, remember psalm 129?"The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand. However, he was unable to remove his eyes from her leg.

Further on, while changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again.The nun once again said, "Father, remember psalm 129?"Once again the priest apologized. "Sorry sister, but the mind is weak."

Arriving at the convent, the nun got out, gave him a meaningful glance and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek; further up, and you will find glory."

MORAL OF THE STORY:
Always be well informed in your job; or, you might miss great opportunities!


CORPORATE LESSON #3
There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French, who found this small genie bottle.

When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, he said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, and your wish will come true."

The French wanted to start first. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted WINE". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.

Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and immersed himself into a pool of vodka.

The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so contented with His beer pool.

The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, "SHIT!!!!!!!........."

MORAL OF THE STORY:
Mind your language, you never know what it will land you in.


CORPORATE LESSON #4
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower & the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over who should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour.
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 just to drop that towel that you have on."
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
Bob has a close look at her for a few seconds, hands over $800 and quietly leaves.

Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up in the towel and goes upstairs.
When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

MORAL OF THE STORY:
Share critical credit information with your stakeholders to prevent avoidable exposure!


CORPORATE LESSON #5
A little bird was flying south for the winter.
It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field.
While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it.
As the frozen bird lay there miserably in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

MORALS OF THE STORY:
1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!


CORPORATE LESSON #6
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull.
"They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave it enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of he tree.

MORAL OF THE STORY:
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.


CORPORATE LESSON #7
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.

A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and donothing all day long?"

The crow answered: "Sure, why not."

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.

All of a sudden a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

MORAL OF THE STORY:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.


CORPORATE LESSON #8
Usually the shop-floor staff of the company plays football.
The middle-level managers are more interested in tennis.
The top management usually has a preference for golf.

FINDING:
As you go up the corporate ladder, the balls reduce in size.

Inference...A Management Story

Inference... A Management Story

Story #1

It's a fine sunny day in the forest and a lion is sitting outside his cave, lying lazily in the sun. Along comes a fox, out on a walk.
Fox: "Do you know the time, because my watch is broken."
Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix the watch for you."
Fox: "Hmm... But it's a very complicated mechanism, and your big claws will only destroy it even more.."
Lion: "Oh no, give it to me, and it will be fixed."
Fox: "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that lazy lions with great claws cannot fix complicated watches."
Lion: "Sure they do, give it to me and it will be fixed."
The lion disappears into his cave, and after a while he comes back with the watch which is running perfectly. The fox is impressed, and the lion continues to lie lazily in the sun, looking very pleased with himself.

Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the lazy lion in the sun.
Wolf: "Can I come and watch TV tonight with you, because mine is broken."
Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix your TV for you."
Wolf: "You don't expect me to believe such rubbish, do you? There is no way that a lazy lion with big claws can fix a complicated TV."
Lion: "No problem. Do you want to try it?"
The lion goes into his cave, and after a while comes back with a perfectly fixed TV. The wolf goes away happily and amazed.

Scene:
Inside the lion's cave. In one corner are half a dozen small and intelligent looking rabbits who are busily doing very complicated work with very detailed instruments. In the other corner lies a huge lion looking very pleased with himself.

Moral:
IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY A MANAGER IS FAMOUS; LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES.

Management Lesson
In the context of the working world:
IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY SOMEONE UNDESERVED IS PROMOTED; LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES.


Story #2

It's a fine sunny day in the forest and a rabbit is sitting outside his burrow, tippy-tapping on his typewriter. Along comes a fox, out for a walk.
Fox: "What are you working on?"
Rabbit: "My thesis."
Fox: "Hmm... What is it about?"
Rabbit: "Oh, I'm writing about how rabbits eat foxes."
Fox: "That's ridiculous ! Any fool knows that rabbits don't eat foxes!"
Rabbit: "Come with me and I'll show you!"
They both disappear into the rabbit's burrow. After few minutes, gnawing on a fox bone, the rabbit returns to his typewriter and resumes typing.

Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the hardworking rabbit.
Wolf: "What's that you are writing?"
Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat wolves."
Wolf: "you don't expect to get such rubbish published, do you?"
Rabbit: "No problem. Do you want to see why?"
The rabbit and the wolf go into the burrow and again the rabbit returns by himself, after a few minutes, and goes back to typing.

Finally a bear comes along and asks, "What are you doing?"
Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat bears."
Bear: "Well that's absurd ! "
Rabbit: "Come into my home and I'll show you"

Scene:
As they enter the burrow, the rabbit introduces the bear to the lion.

Moral:
IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW SILLY YOUR THESIS TOPIC IS; WHAT MATTERS IS WHOM YOU HAVE AS A SUPERVISOR.

Management Lesson
In the context of the working world:
IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW BAD YOUR PERFORMANCE IS; WHAT MATTERS IS WHETHER YOUR BOSS LIKES YOU OR NOT.

Forward it & let others know….. ^^

Meaningful quotes...

Meaningful quotes, share with you... Thanks Fenix for the forwards...











Wednesday 13 September 2006

銅鑼聲

轉載網路文章:

有二位年輕人從鄉下來到城市,歷經奮鬥,終於賺了很多錢,後來年紀大了,就決定回鄉下安享晚年,在他們回鄉的小徑上,碰到了一位白衣老者,這位老者手上拿著一面銅鑼,在那裡等他們。
他們問老先生:「你在這做什麼
?
老先生說:
「我是專門幫人敲最後一聲銅鑼的人,你們兩個都只剩下三天的生命,到第三天黃昏的時候,我會拿著銅鑼到你家的門外敲,你們一聽到鑼聲,生命就結束了。」
講完後,這個老人就消失不見了。

這兩人聽完後就楞住了,
好不容易在城市輕辛苦了那麼多年,賺了這麼多錢,要回來享福,結果卻只剩下三天好活。

兩人各自回家後,第一個有錢人從此不吃不喝,每天都愁眉不展,細數他的財產。
心想:「怎麼辦?只剩三天可活
!
他就這樣垂頭喪氣,面如死灰,什麼事也不做,
只記得那個老人要來敲銅鑼。他一直等,一直等到第三天的黃昏,整個人已如洩了 氣的皮球。終於那個老人來了,拿著銅鑼站在他的門外,〔鏘〕的敲了一聲。他一聽到鑼聲,就立刻倒了下去,死了。
為什麼呢
? 因為,他一直在等這一聲,等到了,也就死了!

另外一個有錢人心想:「太可惜了,賺那麼多錢,只剩下三天可活,我從小就離家,從沒為家鄉做過什麼,我應該把這些錢拿出來,分給家鄉所有苦難和需要幫助的人。」
於是,他把所有的錢分給窮苦的人,又鋪路又造橋,
光是處理這些就讓他忙得不得了, 根本忘記三天以後的銅鑼聲。好不容易到了第三天,才把所有的財產都散光了,村民們非常感謝他,於是就請了鑼鼓陣,歌仔戲,布袋戲到他家門口來慶祝,場面非常熱鬧,舞龍舞獅,又放鞭炮,又放煙火
到了第三天黃昏,老人依約出現,在他家門外敲銅鑼.
老人〔鏘!!鏘〕地敲了好幾聲銅鑼,可是大夥全都沒聽到,老人再怎麼敲也沒用,只好走了。

這個有錢人過了好多天才想起老人要來敲鑼的事,還正納悶:「怎麼老人失約了?

當一個人處於絕望的時候,若能展現積極樂觀的一面,承擔眼前的一刻,不必擔心以後的事情,就不必怕哪一天銅鑼會響,也不必特別去聽那一聲銅鑼的聲音。絕望將不再是絕望,卻反而可能是另一個轉機呢!
當手中只一顆酸檸檬時,你也要設法將它做成一杯可口的檸檬汁。

達賴喇嘛說的西藏諺語
「能解決的事,不必去擔心;不能解決的事,擔心也沒用。」
這句話真的值得我們細細的咀嚼...

Tuesday 12 September 2006

Good celebrities story...

笑話來囉...

烤焦的土司
小明在12歲時,他的下體還是跟以前小時候一樣大小,他媽媽粉擔心,於是便去找醫生。

醫生跟他說吃烤焦的吐司,可以增加長度!

於是隔天早上,小明看到桌上有一大條烤焦的吐司,小明就跟媽媽說:「媽媽!我不要吃那麼多啦!」
媽媽溫柔地答說:

偷看日記
某日,妹妹向媽媽告狀。妹妹:『媽!姊姊偷看我的日記啦。』媽媽:『你怎麼知道?』妹妹:

算數
課堂中,老師說:「如果我分別給你1 隻、2 隻、3 隻狗,那你共有幾隻狗?」
學生說:「7 隻!」
老師疑惑的又問了一遍:「如果我分別給你1 隻、2 隻、3 隻狗,那你共有幾隻狗?」
學生仍說:「7 隻!」
老師不肯放棄,決定用另一種方式問:「如果我分別給你1 瓶、2 瓶酒、3 瓶酒,那你共有幾瓶酒?」
學生說:「6 瓶!」
老師說:「太好了!同理可證。我分別給你1隻、2隻、3隻,那你共有幾隻狗?」
學生說:「7 隻!」
老師實在受不了:「你是豬啊!你怎麼算出 7 隻的!」
學生慢慢地回答說:

久了就明白
法文課時,老師完全以法文講解,學生不大聽得懂,要求他加一點中文補充。

老師站在訓練學生聽力的觀點上說:「不要害怕聽不懂,學語言就是要多聽。你們每天聽我說法文,久了自然就明白了。」

這時有個學生忽然說:

徵婚

話說有一個女人到了婚姻介紹所徵婚....

她跟介紹所的人說她理想對像的條件是:「我理想的丈夫,白天要像紳士、晚上要如猛獸...」

介紹所的人:「那我介紹狼人給妳好了!」

女人:「那如果...

站在哪一邊

李太太口沬橫飛地對鄰人數落自己先生的不是,正巧她的可愛的兒子小明放學回來。

李太太心想小明最向著自己了,因此就問小明:「如果爸爸媽媽吵架了,你會站在哪一邊?」

小明想了想說:

Mathematics...