有水準的黃色笑話

小徐七歲時就會用竹筒來打手槍，有一天他老爸發現他有這壞習慣，就決定要好好地教訓他。
於是，一天，小徐不在家時，他老爸就抓了一隻蜈蚣放入竹筒內．．．

今日，小徐又拿那竹筒來打手槍，當他把他那玩意兒放進去之後，他感到疼痛。

於是，他就抽出他小弟弟，結果發現一隻大蜈蚣在筒裡，此時他嚇呆了，從此他不再手槍了，時間一過就是十幾年。

由於小徐的老爸急著抱孫子，就幫他物色老婆，當小徐結婚後的第二年，也沒生半個。

他老爸又開始煩了，他老爸心想：我兒子七歲會就會手槍，一定知道該如何做呀！難到是我媳婦有問題？

老爸對媳婦道：日出東方一點紅，朝朝洗臉見芙蓉；
　　　　　　　遲遲未見結生果，枉廢我兒下盡工。

媳婦愁眉苦臉地道：田是好水田，旱了好幾年；
　　　　　　　　　季季不下種，那有好時年？

此時老爸很生氣，馬上跑去要罵他兒子，且想問他未何沒跟他老婆做愛做的事。

兒子回答：還記幼時入竹筒，忽見洞裡有蜈蚣；
　　　　　如今洞邊杂草生，必有蟒蛇在其中！

Comics 1

Share with you all... Sorry i don't know who is the author... >.<

你去吃大便啦!!

人生就像大便，一但走了就不會再回來；
人生就像大便，有的很短，有的則是又臭又長；
人生就像大便，怎麼拉就是那模樣，但每次又不太一樣；
人生就像大便，有時候拉的很爽，有時候卻拉的很難過；
人生就像大便，你永遠不知道會拉出個麼東東；
人生就像大便，想要怎麼結果，就要先怎麼栽；
人生就像大便，往往努力了半天卻只送出幾個屁；
人生就像大便，就算點綴的再漂亮，其本質還是一樣；
人生就像大便，只有自己默默的勇敢面對；
所以，就像大家所說的－〔你去吃大便啦 ! ! 〕
其實，他的本意是〔你要認真融入自己的生活。〕

所以，你去吃大便啦!!

測試你古代的地位

測試你古代的地位
adapted from KJ's Journeying.... ^^

99% 的人會笑死你古代的地位

用自己的名字英文拼音，取每一個字的第一個英文字母，對照代碼即可．．
例如：王小明 = Wang Xiao Ming = W X M

從姓氏開始找，再往下找名，若是只有兩個字的，便先從姓氏找起，再往下找兩個名。
複姓者在姓氏中取兩字，對照代碼：W=大理　X=壞鬼　M=教頭
王小明的古時候地位為 ~ 大理壞鬼教頭。

如果名字只有2個字,就取姓氏+結字。
例如：王明 = Wang Ming = W M
對照代碼：W=大理 M=教頭
王明的古時候地位為 ~ 大理教頭。


代碼如下：

姓氏
A:曹魏 B:東吳 C:蜀漢 D:土番 E:大秦 F:大金 G:大明 H:鮮卑 I:元代
J:晚清 K:西周 L:趙國 M:大遼 N:西夏 O:大宋 P:中山國 Q:東普
R:羌族 S:明國 T:齊國 U:氐族 V:代國 W:大理 X:冉魏 Y:南唐 Z:蒙古

中字
A:陰損 B:絕頂 C:猥鎖 D:豪門 E:白痴 F:天才 G:狗屎 H:無敵 I:兇猛
J:英勇 K:狗頭 L:無雙 M:飯桶 N:變態 O:陰暗 P:嗜血 Q:曠世 R:膿包
S:血手 T:淫亂 U:妙手 V:噁心 W:暴力 X:壞鬼 Y:粗曠 Z:逍遙

結字
A:道士 B:和尚 C:財主 D:屠夫 E:馬伕 F:嬪妃 G:小兵 H:刀客 I:仙人
J:衛士 K:農夫 L:將軍 M:教頭 N:書生 O:乞丐 P:皇帝 Q:丞相 R:狗腿
S:佳人 T:土匪 U:先知 V:隱者 W:老鴇 X:詩人 Y:名妓 Z:名士

阿源是 齊國嗜血小兵
我有那麼殘酷嗎... 囧

2008 年大馬金马奖得奖名单

最佳电影：《308之夜》

最佳导演： 安华《916之梦》

最佳男主角： 伯拉《梦中人》

最佳女主角： 郭素沁《监狱风云之火箭十三妹》

最佳男配角： 阿末伊斯迈《寄人篱下》

最佳女配角： 陈云清《洗冤录3》

最佳新人： 赛夫《股惑仔之后庭开花》

最具人气： 柏特拉《光头博客》

最佳外国电影 / 最佳编剧 / 最佳特效 / 最佳剪接： 纳吉《人肉叉烧包之蒙古碎尸》

最佳本土电影： 《林甘正传》

最佳成人电影： 《老蔡传奇之同一个房间》

最佳悬疑片： 《C+侦探之一切由失踪开始》

最佳恐怖片： 《午夜凶令之ISA》

最佳旅游宣传片： 《远走高飞之台湾考察团》

最佳电影主题曲： 行动党《改变》

最佳服装设计： 黄燕燕《透明睡衣》

终身成就奖： 马哈迪《黑马王子之重出江湖》



评审团： 大马人民

Mistakes

What they actually means...

If a barber makes a mistake,
It's a new style

If a driver makes a mistake,
It is a new path

If a engineer makes a mistake,
It is a new venture

If parents makes a mistake,
It is a new generation

If a politician makes a mistake,
It is a new law

If a scientist makes a mistake,
It is a new invention

If a tailor makes a mistake,
It is a new fashion

If a teacher makes a mistake ,
It is a new theory

If our boss makes a mistake,
It is a new idea

If an employee makes a mistake,
It is a "Mistake"

Missing

Hehe i like this one!

There was a saying that if you have other nationalities working as domestic help in your household, chances are..

the following goes missing.....
(see below).............

>> Get Viets, dogs missing
>> Get Bangla,girls missing
>> Get Indon, money missing
>> Get Chinese, husband missing
>> Get African, wife missing

>> But now its worse... this pilihan raya betui-betui kepala pusing!

>> Get Najib, Mongolian missing
>> Get Toyo, temples missing
>> Get Samy, shares missing
> > Get Rustam, pigs missing
>> Get Zainudin, info missing
>> Get Nazri, truth missing
>> Get Hisham, keris missing
>> Get Soi Lek, Viagra missing
>> Get Dr M, memory missing
>> Get Ka Ting, do nothing, every 'ting' missing
>> Get Badawi, always sleeping and missing
>> Get Tsu Koon, LP missing
>> Get Kit Siang, chilli padi missing
>> Get Anwar, tilam missing

>> Alamak, betui-betui kepala pusing.....

>> GET KHAIRY JAMALUDDIN... MALAYSIA MISSING!

Hahahaha... these were from forwarded e-mail, i am not the author.

The wisdom of Dr. M

The person who produced this is a genius!

When Dr. Mahathir was Prime Minister of Malaysia.

One lousy day in the middle of the economic crisis, PM Mahathir was feeling extremely frustrated and wondering how a small neighbouring country can be doing better than Malaysia. One of his aides said, I heard that their leaders consult Feng Shui masters to ensure prosperity for the country. Dr Mahathir thought if that was the case, Malaysia Bomoh also can, and went to seek the top bomoh's advice in the country.

After reviewing the case, the bomoh told Dr M that there were 2 things that he must do:

Bomoh: Step 1. You must blame the crisis on SOROS for everything.
Dr M: But Why ?
Bomoh: Because SOROS stands for 'Speculate On Ringgit Or Stocks'. You must blame him, and look at ways to control the ringgit and stock market.

Bomoh : Step 2 - You must get rid of ANWAR.
Dr M: What! Why him ?
Bomoh:Because ANWAR stands for 'A Nation Without Any Ringgit'..
Dr M: But how ? This is most difficult to do, he is popular with the people.

Bomoh : Aiyoh, you bodoh lah! Look at your name, MAHATHIR means 'Make Anwar Homosexual And Then Highlight It Repeatedly'.

Hahaha...
No offence, just joking

1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1

You might like it.

This is hilarious.....even an Englishman could not construct sentences using numeric, which is exclusive only to Malaysians and Singaporeans.

Ah Lek was asked to make a sentence using 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. Not only did he do it 1 to 10, he did it again from 10 back to 1. This is what he came up with.....

1 day I go 2 climb a 3 outside a house to peep. But the couple saw me, so I panic and 4down. The man rushed out and wanted to 5 with me. I ran until I fell 6 and threw up. So I go into 7 -eleven and grabbed some 8 to throw at him. Then I took a 9 and try to stab at him. 10 God, he run away.

10, I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7-eleven. Next day I called my boss and told him I was 6. He said 5, tomorrow also no need to come back 4 work. He also asked me to go climb a 3 and jump down. I don't understand. I am so nice 2 him but I don't know what he 1.

Mandarin

中国普通话 VS 马来西亚华语

马来西亚华人乃是晚清时广东省和闽南移民华侨的后代。当地华人对华教的坚持、文化的传承是不留余力的。我们堪称是海外华人中中文水准颇高的华人，但且看我们的普通话.............

中国人：今晚你有空吗？我没空！
马来西亚华人：今晚你得不得空？我不得空！ （‘得空’是客家话说法）

中国人：饼干受潮了­。
马来西亚华人：饼干‘漏风’了。

中国人：从上海去苏州要多少个小时？
马来西亚华人：从上海去苏州要几粒钟？ （‘几粒钟’是粤语说法）

中国人：难道他不可以不来吗？
马来西亚华人：你不给他不来啊？

中国人：周杰伦不喜欢穿内裤。
马来西亚华人：周杰伦不喜欢穿底裤。 （‘底裤’是粤语/福建/闽南语说法）

中国人：我一向都是这样的
马来西亚人：我一路来都是这样的啦

中国人：我的手机掉进沟渠了。
马来西亚华人：我的手机掉进龙沟了。

中国人：这样你不是很不值得吗？
马来西亚华人：这样你'马'很不‘歹’？ （‘马’和‘歹’是粤语说法）

中国人：你真是聪明！
马来西亚华人：你真是pan nai！(源自马来语pandai，聪明的意思)

中国人：你安静！
马来西亚华人：你diam diam！(源自马来语diam，安静的意思)

中国人：我要去银行取款。
马来西亚华人：我要去银行‘按钱’。

中国人：为什么？
马来西亚华人：做么？

中国人：你很强~
马来西亚华人：你很够力~ （‘够力’是福建/闽南语说法）

中国人：明天也叫他一起去吧！
马来西亚华人：明天叫'埋'他一起去！ （‘埋’是粵語說法）

中国人：我很郁闷~~~
马来西亚华人：我很‘显’（sien）啊~~~~（‘显’比郁闷的境界更高）

中国人：你再说我就打你！
马来西亚华人：你再说我就hood你！（有点粗俗的）

中国人：你在说什么？
马来西亚华人：你在说sommok？

中国人：你不要令我丢脸~
马来西亚华人：你不要‘下水’我~ （‘下水’是福建/闽南语说法）

中国人：真被你气到...
马来西亚华人：被你炸到...

中国人：你别乱来~
马来西亚华人：你表乱乱来~

中国人：你很无聊
马来西亚华人：你很废

中国人：XX你
马来西亚华人：Kanasai（福建/闽南语，意思是像大便一样，骂人的话）

中国人：迫切
马来西亚华人：bek chek （很火大，很烦的意思）

中国人：我们一起吃这碗面~
马来西亚华人：我们‘公司’吃这碗面~ （源自马来语的kongsi，就是一起分享的意思）

中国人：我们结婚吧！
马来西亚华人：我们结‘分’吧！（‘婚’字受粤语影响，所以音不标准）

中国人：今天的天气很热~
马来西亚华人：今天的天气热到。。。。。。。。。。。。。~~~~~~~（‘到’字要拉长，然后没有下文了）

中国人：哇!
马来西亚华人：哇捞weh!!!!

中国人：我受不了他！
马来西亚华人：我beh tahan他！（源自马来语的tahan，承受的意思。Beh tahan 的意思就是‘受不了’）




中國普通話 VS 馬來西亞華語

馬來西亞華人乃是晚清時廣東省和閩南移民華僑的後代。當地華人對華教的堅持、文化的傳承是不留余力的。我們堪稱是海外華人中中文水准頗高的華人，但且看我們的普通話.............

中國人：今晚你有空嗎？我沒空！
馬來西亞華人：今晚你得不得空？我不得空！ （"得空"是客家話說法）

中國人：餅幹受潮了。
馬來西亞華人：餅幹'漏風'了。

中國人：從上海去蘇州要多少個小時？
馬來西亞華人：從上海去蘇州要幾粒鍾？ （"幾粒鍾"是粵語說法）

中國人：難道他不可以不來嗎？
馬來西亞華人：你不給他不來啊？

中國人：周傑倫不喜歡穿內褲。
馬來西亞華人：周傑倫不喜歡穿底褲。 （"底褲"是粵語/福建/閩南語說法）

中國人：我一向都是這樣的
馬來西亞人：我一路來都是這樣的啦

中國人：我的手機掉進溝渠了。
馬來西亞華人：我的手機掉進龍溝了。

中國人：這樣你不是很不值得嗎？
馬來西亞華人：這樣你'馬'很不 '歹'？ （"馬"和"歹"是粵語說法）

中國人：你真是聰明！
馬來西亞華人：你真是pan nai！(源自馬來語pandai，聰明的意思)

中國人：你安靜！
馬來西亞華人：你diam diam！(源自馬來語diam，安靜的意思)

中國人：我要去銀行取款。
馬來西亞華人：我要去銀行'按錢'。

中國人：爲什麽？
馬來西亞華人：做麽？

中國人：你很強~
馬來西亞華人：你很夠力~ （"夠力"是福建/閩南語說法）

中國人：明天也叫他一起去吧！
馬來西亞華人：明天叫'埋'他一起去！("埋"是粵語說法）

中國人：我很郁悶~~~
馬來西亞華人：我很'顯'（sien）啊~~~~（"顯"比郁悶的境界更高）

中國人：你再說我就打你！
馬來西亞華人：你再說我就hood你！（有點粗俗的）

中國人：你在說什麽？
馬來西亞華人：你在說sommok？

中國人：你不要令我丟臉~
馬來西亞華人：你不要'下水'我~ ("下水"是福建/閩南語說法）

中國人：真被你氣到...
馬來西亞華人：被你炸到...

中國人：你別亂來~
馬來西亞華人：你表亂亂來~

中國人：你很無聊
馬來西亞華人：你很廢

中國人：XX你
馬來西亞華人：Kanasai（福建/閩南語，意思是像大便一樣，罵人的話）

中國人：迫切
馬來西亞華人：bek chek （很火大，很煩的意思）

中國人：我們一起吃這碗面~
馬來西亞華人：我們'公司'吃這碗面~ （源自馬來語的kongsi，就是一起分享的意思）

中國人：我們結婚吧！
馬來西亞華人：我們結'分'吧！（"婚"字受粵語影響，所以音不標准）

中國人：今天的天氣很熱~
馬來西亞華人：今天的天氣熱到。。。。。。。。。。。。。~~~~~~~（"到"字要拉長，然後沒有下文了）

中國人：哇!
馬來西亞華人：哇撈weh!!!!

中國人：我受不了他！
馬來西亞華人：我beh tahan他！ （源自馬來語的tahan，承受的意思。Beh tahan 的意思就是"受不了"）

Why we Chinese should not simply have a Christian name?

Why we Chinese should not simply have a Christian name?
為何我們華人不能亂取洋名?
为何我们华人不能乱取洋名？

Just for laugh.., not at you.
僅供笑果, 請勿對號入座.
仅供笑果，请勿对号入座。

Anne Chang (Mandarin)- Dirty (骯髒 肮脏)
Anne Chin (Mandarin) - Keep quiet (安靜 安静)
Faye Chen (Mandarin) - Dusty (灰塵 灰尘)
Carl Cheng (Hokkien) - Buttock (卡撐(屁股))
Monica Cheng (Hokkien) - Touching your buttocks (摸你卡撐(屁股))
Lucy Leow (Hokkien) - You are dead (你死了)
Jane Tan (Mandarin) - Frying eggs/ Easy (煎蛋)
Susie Leow (Hokkien) - Lost till death (輸死了 输死了)
Susie Lee (Hokkien) - Lost till you die (輸死你 输死你)
Henry Mah (Mandarin) - Hate your mum (恨你媽 很你妈)
Colin Tan (Hokkien) - Poor fellow (可憐蛋 可怜蛋)
Paul Chan (Mandarin) - Bankrupt (破產 破产)
Nelson Tan (Mandarin) - Bird laying eggs (鳥生蛋 鸟生蛋)
Leslie Tong (Mandarin) - Rubbish bin (垃圾桶 垃圾桶)
Carmen Teng (Hokkien) - Leg hair long (腳毛長 脚毛长)
Connie Mah (Cantonese) - Call your mother (Call你媽 Call你妈)
Danny See (Hokkien) - Squeeze you to death (按你死)
Danny Ling (Hokkien) - Squeeze your breast (擠你乳 挤你乳)
Rosie Teng (Hokkien) - Screws and nails (螺絲釘 螺丝钉)
Pete Tsai (Hokkien) - Nose droppings (鼻屎)
Macy Koh (Cantonese) - Never die before (未死過 未死过)
Annie Wan - Anyone 任何人
Sam Wan - Someone 某人
Avery Wan - Everyone 全部人

Two patients

JIM & EDNA

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.
One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end.
He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him.
She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.

When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news, she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays that you have a sound mind. The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"

Cold joke 冷笑話

今天要講笑話

螢幕說: 我好慘阿，每天給人看。
鍵盤說: 我更慘呢.每天給人打。
滑鼠說: 我才慘呢，每天給人摸。
主機說: 你們有我慘嘛？每天給人按肚臍眼。
光碟機說: 我好慘，每天給人插。
軟碟機說: 我更慘，現在都沒人插我了。
USB 隨身碟說: 誰有我慘？這邊插完就去那邊插，一不小心還要被感染。
主機板: 不要以為我被很多東西插會很爽，其實我最慘，他們插進來後就都不動了，那才是難受啊...
音效卡: 還說呢，明明是插你，為什麼都是我在叫？


小兔說："我媽媽叫我小兔兔，好聽！"
小豬說："我媽媽叫我小豬豬，也好聽！"
小狗說："我媽媽叫我小狗狗，也很好聽！"
小雞說："你們聊，我先走了！"

小兔說："我是兔娘養的！"
小豬說："我是豬娘養的！"
小雞說："我是雞娘養的！"
小狗說："你們聊，我先走了！"

浪客說："人們叫我浪人，好聽！"
武士說："人們叫我武人，也好聽！"
高手說："人們叫我高人，也很好聽！"
劍客說："你們聊，我先走了！"

李宗仁將軍說：我這人，有仁！
傅作義將軍說：我這人，有義！
左權將軍說：我這人，有權！
霍去病將軍說：你們聊，我先走了！

老張家的門是柳木做的，老張說：我家的門是木門
老李家的門是塑料做的，老李說：我家的門是塑門
老王家的門是磚頭做的，老王說：我家的門是磚門
老劉家的門是鋼做的，老劉說：你們聊，我先走了！

師範學院的學生說：我是"師院"的
鐵道學院的學生說：我是"鐵院"的
職業學院的學生說：我是"職院"的
技術學院的學生說：你們聊，我先走了... !!!

這樣好笑嗎...

小朋友造句

小朋友造句
1. 題目: 原來
小朋友寫: 原來他是我爸爸。
評語: 媽媽關切一下
2. 照樣造句
題目: (樹呀樹呀)我把你(種下)
小朋友寫: (湯圓湯圓)我把你(吃掉)
評語: 真是口愛
3. 題目: ..一邊...........一邊............ ...
小朋友寫: 他一邊脫衣服,一邊穿褲子.
評語:他到底要不要脫還是穿阿
4. 題目：課本
小朋友寫：上課本來就很無聊。
評語:上課要專心
5 題目: 吃香
小朋友寫：我很喜歡吃香蕉。
評語:小心噎到
6. 題目: 從前
小朋友寫: 小明從前門進來。
7. 題目: 天真
小朋友寫: 今天真熱。
評語: 你真天真
8. 題目: 十分
小朋友寫: 我今天考十分
評語:我會跟你爸媽說
9. 題目: 其中
小朋友寫: 我的其中一隻左腳受傷了
評語:你是蜈蚣ㄇ~~
10. 題目: 一...就....
小朋友寫: 一隻娃娃就要一百塊
評語:老師笑到不行..
11. 題目: 一時
小朋友寫: 爸爸半夜一時0分時竟然還在喝酒。
評語:不錯 還會畫句點
12. 題目: 一...先....
小朋友寫 : 一馬當先
評語: 真是傻眼
13. 題目: 你看
小朋友寫：你看什麼看 ! 沒看過啊!
14. 照樣造句
例題：你(唱歌) 我(跳舞)
小朋友寫:：你(好嗎) 我(很好)
評語:你在寫英文翻譯嗎??
15. 寫出跟數字有關的成語
例如：一心一意 七上八下
小朋友寫：四捨五入
評語: 這不是肯德雞..
16. 照樣造句
例題: 別人都誇我( )，其實我( )
小朋友寫: 別人都誇我( 很帥 )，其實我( 是戴面具的 )
評語: 什麼面具這麼好用???
17. 題目: 先...後........
例題:我先寫了功課,後來才去洗澡.
小朋友寫:先總統蔣公,後來死了
評語:回去罰抄100遍
18: 題目：好 ... 又好 ...
小朋友寫:：媽媽的腿,好細又好粗...
評語：那到底是細還是粗？
19. 題目: 陸陸續續~
小朋友寫: 下班了，爸爸陸陸續續的回來。
評語：ㄋ到底有幾個爸爸ㄚ?
20. 題目: 先．．．再．．．
例題：先吃飯，再洗澡
小朋友寫：先生，再見
21. 題目: 天涯海角
小朋友寫: 妹妹亂跑跑到天涯海角.
評語: 你妹妹真會跑
22. 題目: 一直
小朋友寫: 我畫了一直線
評語:........... .......
23. 題目: 馬上
小朋友寫: 我騎在馬上
評語: 馬上來找老師
24. 題目: 皮開肉綻
小朋友寫:：停電的夜晚，到處很黑，我嚇得皮開肉綻!
評語:看到這句... 老師佩服你
25. 題目:欣欣向榮-比喻生長美好的樣子.
小朋友寫:：我的弟弟長得欣欣向榮.
評語：孩子你弟弟是植物人嗎...
還有一個更瞎的…
小朋友寫: 欣欣向榮榮告白
評語：連續劇不要看太多
26. 題目: 謝謝....因為......
小朋友寫:：我要謝謝媽媽, 因為她每天都幫我寫作業......
評語: 原來你的作業是媽媽寫的!!!!!!!
27. 題目: 因為...所以...
小朋友寫: 因為蟑螂很蟑,所以我們叫牠蟑螂....
評語: 真是未來的主人翁呀...
28. 題目: 難過
小朋友答:我家門前有條水溝很難過
評語:老師更難過......
29. 題目: 如果
小朋友寫: 汽水不如果汁營養
小朋友寫::假如果汁不好喝就不要喝
評語: Orz.....
30. 題目: 乾脆
小朋友寫:餅乾脆脆很好吃!
評語: (無言).......... =.=
31. 題目: 天才－
小朋友寫: 我３天才洗一次澡。
評語:要每天洗才乾淨
32. 題目：一…便…
小朋友寫: 我一走出門，對面就是便利商店。
還有一個更瞎的…
小朋友寫: 哥哥一吃完飯，就大便。
評語: 造句不要亂造...
33. 題目: 邊... 邊...
小朋友寫::我的左邊有人 , 我的右邊也有
34. 題目: 非常
小朋友寫: 我不知道非常是什麼意思。
評語: 不知道要問....
35. 題目: 因為...所以...
小朋友寫: 因為有爸爸媽媽，所以我才誕生在這世上。
評語: 扣5分....
36. 照樣造句
例題：你(唱歌) 我(跳舞)
小朋友寫:：你(殺人) 我(放火)
評語：思想有問題
37. 題目: 是.....也是
小朋友寫: 老師是老人也是獅子
評語：老師有在看喔
38. 題目: .....又.....又
小朋友寫: 我的媽媽又矮又高又瘦又肥
評語:你媽媽......是怪物嗎?

Want to know why you are working so hard?

Want to know why u r working so hard?

On the very first day of the world, God created the cow.
He said to the cow:
Ah Gu (cow), today I have created you!
Your job is to go to the field with the farmer all day long.
You will provide the energy to pull things!
You will also provide milk for people to drink!You are to work all day under the sun! In return, you will only eat grass.
For that, you will have a life span of 50 years.
Ah Gu objected.
What??!! I work all day in the sun and I get only to eat grass!
On top of that, I have to give my milk away!
This is tough and you want me to live 50 years!
I'll take 20 and you can have the remaining 30 years back!
God agreed.

On the next day, God created the dog.
He said to the dog:
Ah Kow (dog), I have created you for a purpose.
You are to sit all day by the door of your master's house!
Should anyone come in, you are to bark at them!
In return, you will eat your master's leftovers.
I'll give you a life span of 20 years.
Ah Kow objected.
What?! I have to sit by the door all day and will need to bark at people, and what do I get...LEFTOVERS...
This isn't right, I'll take 10 and you can have the remaining 10 years back!
God agreed again.

On the third day, God created the monkey.
He said to the monkey:
Lao Kao (monkey), your job is to entertain people.
You will make them laugh, act stupid and make faces!
You will also do somersaults and swing on trees to amaze them.
In return, you will get to eat bananas and peanuts.
For that, I'll give you 20 years to live.
Naturally the monkey objected.
This is ridiculous!! I gotta make faces and make people laugh let not even come to the part about the trees and somersaults.
Tell you what, I'll give 10 years of my life to thank you for my existence and I'll take 10. What do you think?
God agreed again.

On the forth day, God created humans.
God said to the man:
You are my best piece of work, for that, u will only need to sleep, eat, sleep, play, eat, sleep again & do nothing else.
You'll get to eat all the best things and play with the best toys.
All u need to do is enjoy all ur life.
For this kind of life, I'll give u 20 years.
Just like the rest, the man objected.
What??!! all I need to do is relaxed & enjoy myself and I've only 20 years to live?
Tell you what, you've 30 years back from Ah Gu, 10 years from Ah Kow and another 10 from Lao Kao and you probably don't know what to do with all those lives.Why not I take them all and I'll have 70 years to live?
God being such good natured, agreed with a smile.

AND THAT IS WHY...
We eat, sleep, play and enjoy for the first 20 years of our lives when we are growing up.
Working like a cow for the next 30 to raise our family.
Sitting outside the door and barking at people for the next 10 years when we are retired.
And finally, we make faces and perform monkey tricks to entertain our grandchildren for the final 10 years.
GET IT????

Men are hard to please!! 男人很难取悦!!

Men Are Hard To Please!!
The problems with GUYS:

If u TREAT him nicely, he says u are IN LOVE with him;
If u Don’t, he says u are PROUD.
If u DRESS Nicely, he says u are trying to LURE him;
If u Don’t, he says u are from KAMPUNG.
If u ARGUE with him, he says u are STUBBORN;
If u keep QUIET, he says u have no BRAINS.
If u are SMARTER than him, he’ll lose FACE;
If he’s Smarter than u, he is GREAT.
If u don’t Love him, he tries to POSSESS u;
If u Love him, he will try to LEAVE u.(very true huh?)
If u don’t make love with him., he says u don’t Love him;
If u do!! he says u are CHEAP.
If u tell him your PROBLEM, he says u are TROUBLESOME;
If u don’t, he says that u don’t TRUST him.
If u SCOLD him, u are like a NANNY to him;
If he SCOLDS u, it is because he CARES for u.
If u BREAK your PROMISE, u Cannot be TRUSTED;
If he BREAKS his, he is FORCED to do so.
If u SMOKE, u are BAD boy;
If he SMOKES, he is GENTLEMAN.
If u do WELL in your exams, he says it’s LUCK;
If he does WELL, it’s BRAINS.
If u HURT him, u are CRUEL;
If he HURTS u, u are too SENSITIVE!!


男人很难取悦!!
男人的问题是：

如果你对他好，他说你爱上他了．
对他不好，他说你骄傲．
如果你穿得很漂亮，他说你企图诱惑他．
如果不，他说你是乡下来的
如果你跟他理论，他说你固执
如果你沉默，他说你没大脑！
如果你比他聪明，他说那是小聪明
如果他比你聪明，他就是有智慧！
如果你不爱他，他想拥有你
如果你爱他，他试着离开你．
如果你不跟他做爱，他说你不爱他
如果跟他做，他说你是贱货！
如果你告诉他你的问题，他说你麻烦
如果不，他说你不信任他
如果你骂他，你好象他奶妈
如果他骂你，是表示他"关心"你
如果你没有守承诺，你就是不可信的人
如果他不守承诺，他是迫不得已的
如果你吸烟，你是坏男孩
如果他吸烟，他是绅士
如果你考试成绩好，他说是运气
如果他考得好，他说是实力！
如果你伤害了他，表示你很残忍
如果他伤害了你，表示你太敏感而且太难取悦！

Social Mathematics

Social Mathemathics

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You’re next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Who said your English is bad??

Who says your English is bad?
Just read below - Ours is simple, short, concise, straight-to-point, effective, user friendly and etc... :p

WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS
Britains: I’m sorry, Sir, but we don’t seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.
Malaysians: No Stock.

RETURNING A CALL
Britains: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone page for me a few moments ago?
Malaysians: Hello, who page?

ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY.
Britains: Excuse me, I’d like to get by. Would you please make way?
Malaysians: S-kew me

WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY
Britains: Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is on me.
Malaysians: No-need, lah.

WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION
Britains: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?
Malaysians: (pointing the door) Can ar?

WHEN ENTERTAINING
Britains: Please make yourself right at home.
Malaysians: Don’t be shy, lah!

WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE
Britains: I don’t recall you giving me the money.
Malaysians: Where got?

WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER
Britains: I’d prefer not to do that, if you don’t mind.
Malaysians: Don’t want la...

IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION
Britains: Err. Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you’re coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the issue.
Malaysians: You mad, ah?

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE.
Britains: Excuse me, but could you please lower your voice, I’m trying to concentrate over here.
Malaysians: Shut up lah!

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU.
Britains: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for some time. Do I know you?
Malaysians: See what, see what?

WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION.
Britains: We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment.
Malaysians: Die-lah!!

WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED
Britons: Will someone tell me what has just happened?
Malaysians: Wat happen? Why like that...??

WHEN SOME ONE DID SOMETHING WRONG
Britains: This isn’t the way to do it here let me show you,
Malaysians: Like that also don’t know how to do!!!!

WHEN ONE IS ANGRY
Britains: Would you mind not disturbing me
Malaysians: Celaka you...

Why One Must Know How To Speak English

Just for laugh.., no offence..."p

One day, an Ang Moh (Mat Salleh) arrived at airport.
After he checked out from the customs, he felt he needed to go to the toilet, so he looked for one.

When he found the toilet, there was a lady sitting at the entrance.
When he was about to enter the toilet, the lady stopped him and asked for forty cents in Cantonese ("sey kok").
The Mat Salleh wondered why in MALAYSIA they have to "see the cock" before entering the toilet?
So he said "no" but the lady insisted.
Since he had no choice, he took out his cock and showed it to her.

The lady said "No! No! Duit, Duit! (money in Malay)"
but the Ang Moh misunderstood again and thought that she said "Do it! Do it!"
So he asked, "Now? Here?"
The lady replied "Yes, yes!" because she doesn't quite understand English.

The Ang Moh thought that she wanted to have sex with him, so he stripped the lady and made love to her.
The lady started screaming and shouted, "SAKIT! SAKIT! (pain in Malay)" and the Ang Moh thought it was "SUCK IT! SUCK IT!"

He said "OK! I will suck it for you" and took both breasts and suck them.
The lady again screamed "Oh, TUHAN! (Oh, MY GOD....in Malay)".
The Ang Moh misunderstood again.
"Too HARD? OK, sweetheart, I'll be gentler a bit," the Ang Moh replied.

Suddenly, a security guard walked by, so the lady shouted for help, "TOLONG! TOLONG, ENCIK!"
The Ang Moh replied, "Not too long, just 6 inches only."

Pharmacist (Joke again la, a but then..?)

A young man goes into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, "Hello, could you give me a condom? My girlfriend has invited me for dinner and I think she is expecting something from me!"

The pharmacist gives him the condom and as the young man is going out, he returns and tells him: "Give me another condom because my girlfriend's sister is very cute too. She always crosses her legs in a provocative manner when she sees me and I think she expects something from me too."

The pharmacist gives him a second condom and as the boy is leaving heturns back and says, "After all, give me one more condom because my girlfriend's mom is still pretty cute, and when she sees me she alwaysmakes allusions... and since she invited me for dinner, I think she is expecting something from me!!"

During dinner, the young man is sitting with his girlfriend on his left, the sister on his right and the mom facing him. When the dad gets there, the boy lowers his head and starts praying: "Dear Lord, bless this dinner... thank you for all you give us...!!!"

A minute later the boy is still praying: "Thank you Lord for your kindness..."

Ten minutes go on and the boy is still praying, keeping his head down.

The others look at each other surprised and his girlfriend even more than the others.

She gets close to the boy and whispers in his ear: "I didn't know you were so religious!!!"

The boy replies :"I didn't know your dad is a pharmacist!!!"