Ah Lek was asked to make sentences using 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 & 10.
Apart of doing it using 1 to 10, he can even did it again from 10 back to 1!
This is what he came up with:
1 day I go 2 climb a 3 outside a house to peep. But the couple saw me, so I panic and 4 down. The man rushed out and wanted to 5 with me. I ran until I fell 6 and threw up. So I go into 7-eleven and grabbed some 8 to throw at him. Then I took a 9 and try to stab at him. 10 goodness he runs away. 10 I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7-eleven. Next day I called my boss and told him I was 6. He said 5,tomorrow also no need to come back 4 work. He also asked me to go climb a 3 and jump down. I don't understand.I am so nice 2 him but I don't know what he 1.
Friday, 29 September 2006
X and Y Chromosome
如何生个聪明宝宝，太经典咯
决定智商的八对基因 (好像是八对) 全部都是位于X染色体上面，在此先复习男女性是如何来的：
男生的性染色体是XY，X (卵)是来自母亲，Y(精子)是来自父亲。
女生的性染色体是XX，X (卵)是来自母亲，X(精子)是来自父亲。
所以生男生女都是先生决定的，不要怪罪妈妈的肚皮不争气!!!!
请注意:
男生是XY，所以男生的智商全部都是来自母亲的遗传，女生是XX，所以女生的智商是父亲跟母亲各有一半影响。
因为女生的智商是父亲母亲都有影响，所以会有中和的效应。
所以女生智商的分布会呈现自然分布(normal distribution)，就是中间最多，两边较少。
男生因为是完全只受一方影响，所以男生智商分布会呈现在偏向在两个极端。
也就是说，天才中男生比较多，但是同时，蠢材之中也是男生特别多。
从这其中我们总结出：你要判断一个男生聪不聪明，看他妈妈就知道了。
可是，要怎么判断一个男生的妈妈聪不聪明，我们用机率来算：
真正经典的计算开始咯。。。
生男孩的机率= 1/2；生女孩的机率=1/2。
生男孩的时候，母亲对于男孩智商的影响力 = 1
生女孩的时候，母亲对于女孩智商的影响力 = 1/2
所以说母亲跟父亲对于下一代智商的影响力(期望值)的比例是
1*1/2 + 1/2*1/2 : 0*1/2 + 1/2*1/2
= 0.75 ： 0.25
= 3 ： 1
= 母： 父
所以：
1、如果你是男生，如果你觉得你很笨的话。你千万要娶一个聪明的女生来。这样你小孩翻盘的机率还有七成五，人生还是充满了希望。
2. 如果你是女生，如果你觉得你很笨的话，你毁人家子孙的机率有七成五，如果你恨谁，就嫁给他吧。 （这句话决的。。。）
3. 当你看到一个男生很聪明的时候，则他母亲一定也很聪明，所以，如果你在考虑要嫁给一个很聪明的男生的时候，你就要小心他妈，她可能会是一个很会算计的婆婆。 反之，当你看到一个男生很笨的时候，如果他很有钱，要毫不犹豫的嫁给他。不要觉得你是为了他的钱，你要跟自己说，你是为了要改善人类未来的基因。
最后重复一次：
1. 判断男生智商，看妈妈。
2. 笨男生无论如何也要娶聪明女生。
3. 女生不要嫁聪明男生，应该嫁给笨男生。
决定智商的八对基因 (好像是八对) 全部都是位于X染色体上面，在此先复习男女性是如何来的：
男生的性染色体是XY，X (卵)是来自母亲，Y(精子)是来自父亲。
女生的性染色体是XX，X (卵)是来自母亲，X(精子)是来自父亲。
所以生男生女都是先生决定的，不要怪罪妈妈的肚皮不争气!!!!
请注意:
男生是XY，所以男生的智商全部都是来自母亲的遗传，女生是XX，所以女生的智商是父亲跟母亲各有一半影响。
因为女生的智商是父亲母亲都有影响，所以会有中和的效应。
所以女生智商的分布会呈现自然分布(normal distribution)，就是中间最多，两边较少。
男生因为是完全只受一方影响，所以男生智商分布会呈现在偏向在两个极端。
也就是说，天才中男生比较多，但是同时，蠢材之中也是男生特别多。
从这其中我们总结出：你要判断一个男生聪不聪明，看他妈妈就知道了。
可是，要怎么判断一个男生的妈妈聪不聪明，我们用机率来算：
真正经典的计算开始咯。。。
生男孩的机率= 1/2；生女孩的机率=1/2。
生男孩的时候，母亲对于男孩智商的影响力 = 1
生女孩的时候，母亲对于女孩智商的影响力 = 1/2
所以说母亲跟父亲对于下一代智商的影响力(期望值)的比例是
1*1/2 + 1/2*1/2 : 0*1/2 + 1/2*1/2
= 0.75 ： 0.25
= 3 ： 1
= 母： 父
所以：
1、如果你是男生，如果你觉得你很笨的话。你千万要娶一个聪明的女生来。这样你小孩翻盘的机率还有七成五，人生还是充满了希望。
2. 如果你是女生，如果你觉得你很笨的话，你毁人家子孙的机率有七成五，如果你恨谁，就嫁给他吧。 （这句话决的。。。）
3. 当你看到一个男生很聪明的时候，则他母亲一定也很聪明，所以，如果你在考虑要嫁给一个很聪明的男生的时候，你就要小心他妈，她可能会是一个很会算计的婆婆。 反之，当你看到一个男生很笨的时候，如果他很有钱，要毫不犹豫的嫁给他。不要觉得你是为了他的钱，你要跟自己说，你是为了要改善人类未来的基因。
最后重复一次：
1. 判断男生智商，看妈妈。
2. 笨男生无论如何也要娶聪明女生。
3. 女生不要嫁聪明男生，应该嫁给笨男生。
Thursday, 28 September 2006
Idiot
"Wei.., what is an idiot?"
"An idiot is a person who tries to explain his idea in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him cannot understand him. Do you understand me?"
"No."
"Honey, why are you wearing the wedding ring on your wrong finger?"
"Because i married the wrong person!"
"An idiot is a person who tries to explain his idea in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him cannot understand him. Do you understand me?"
"No."
"Honey, why are you wearing the wedding ring on your wrong finger?"
"Because i married the wrong person!"
Wednesday, 27 September 2006
School movie clips
This clip reminded me of my school times... people nowadays are very creative with the advancement in science and technology especially in ICT area...
Hey, where is our "The RA" movie...??
Ops, the main actor and actress already left la.., can do another version or not...?
Another one this is from other school.., really make me laugh till die...
They are our future award winning movie makers, very potential and talented... The best movie clip i ever watched...
Enjoy... "p
Hey, where is our "The RA" movie...??
Ops, the main actor and actress already left la.., can do another version or not...?
Another one this is from other school.., really make me laugh till die...
They are our future award winning movie makers, very potential and talented... The best movie clip i ever watched...
Enjoy... "p
Tuesday, 26 September 2006
太委屈 Too grievance
This famous mandarin song 太委屈 (Too Grievance) was modified by Streamyx users in Malaysia reflecting their unsatisfactory of the broadband service... This is the most "peaceful" and "calmest" thing we could do, the rest is beyond our power...
"Then why you still using their service wo? Use other company ga lah..."
"If got we early also use liao lah... you think we stupid ga meh..."
"We complain here there... "com" come "com" go "com" no road leh..."
"Aiya.., "com" means complain lah.., say like that only rhyme le mah..."
They monopolised the broadband service in Malaysia liao ma...
Sorry if this had violated any copyright or other legal-related matter..., just for sharing...
The live version
The rock and angry version
Song lyris and other singers
YouZi, 拼凑Jeff, Teck Jung, Jerry胡某, Smoothriver
The live version
ISP版 “太委屈” by smoothriver
每当狂风暴雨的时候
我的 Internet 会断线
那是我每晚最重要的时候
我和 我女友 iChat 的时刻
你不停的寄单给我
说不还就会切断线
但我已经忘记女友的样子
你逼我寻找新联络方式
已经习惯被你放风筝
已没有所谓的恨不恨
因为我没有其他的选择
空虚的夜晚是你造成 真是GY
太委屈 每次投诉后就没有一丝的消息
不哭泣 因为我已经习惯没有回应的日子
太委屈 我真是很想叫人杀掉你做料理
不能再这样下去
严重的犯罪心理
希望你能够快点接上去
好让我和我女友美好联系
The Rock and Angry version
ISP版 “太委屈” by 胡某
作詞：胡某
作曲：鄭華娟
歌手：動力胡某
每當狂風暴雨的時候 我的Internet都會斷線
那是我每一晚最重要的時候 我和我那女友skyping 的時刻。
你不斷地寄單给我 說一不還就會切線
但我已經忘記我的女朋友的樣子 是你逼我尋找新歡的方式。
已经习惯被你放风筝 已没有所谓的恨你不恨
因为我没有其他的选择 我空虚的夜晚是你一手造成的。
太委屈 每一次投诉后就没有一丝的消息
不哭泣 因为我已经习惯没有回应的日子。
太委屈 你讓我怎麼等你四十八個小時
要出氣 因為你竟然可以要我等你八個漫長的日子。
太委屈 我真是很想叫人殺掉你做日本料理
不能再這樣下去 嚴重的犯罪心理。
希望你能够快點接上去 好讓我和我女友美好聯系。
"Then why you still using their service wo? Use other company ga lah..."
"If got we early also use liao lah... you think we stupid ga meh..."
"We complain here there... "com" come "com" go "com" no road leh..."
"Aiya.., "com" means complain lah.., say like that only rhyme le mah..."
They monopolised the broadband service in Malaysia liao ma...
Sorry if this had violated any copyright or other legal-related matter..., just for sharing...
The live version
The rock and angry version
Song lyris and other singers
YouZi, 拼凑Jeff, Teck Jung, Jerry胡某, Smoothriver
The live version
ISP版 “太委屈” by smoothriver
每当狂风暴雨的时候
我的 Internet 会断线
那是我每晚最重要的时候
我和 我女友 iChat 的时刻
你不停的寄单给我
说不还就会切断线
但我已经忘记女友的样子
你逼我寻找新联络方式
已经习惯被你放风筝
已没有所谓的恨不恨
因为我没有其他的选择
空虚的夜晚是你造成 真是GY
太委屈 每次投诉后就没有一丝的消息
不哭泣 因为我已经习惯没有回应的日子
太委屈 我真是很想叫人杀掉你做料理
不能再这样下去
严重的犯罪心理
希望你能够快点接上去
好让我和我女友美好联系
The Rock and Angry version
ISP版 “太委屈” by 胡某
作詞：胡某
作曲：鄭華娟
歌手：動力胡某
每當狂風暴雨的時候 我的Internet都會斷線
那是我每一晚最重要的時候 我和我那女友skyping 的時刻。
你不斷地寄單给我 說一不還就會切線
但我已經忘記我的女朋友的樣子 是你逼我尋找新歡的方式。
已经习惯被你放风筝 已没有所谓的恨你不恨
因为我没有其他的选择 我空虚的夜晚是你一手造成的。
太委屈 每一次投诉后就没有一丝的消息
不哭泣 因为我已经习惯没有回应的日子。
太委屈 你讓我怎麼等你四十八個小時
要出氣 因為你竟然可以要我等你八個漫長的日子。
太委屈 我真是很想叫人殺掉你做日本料理
不能再這樣下去 嚴重的犯罪心理。
希望你能够快點接上去 好讓我和我女友美好聯系。
Sunday, 24 September 2006
How men and women differ...
For your reading pleasure...
HOW MEN AND WOMEN DIFFER
NICKNAMES
* If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they willcall each other Laura, Kate and Sarah
* If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes
EATING OUT
* When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back
* When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators
MONEY
* A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs
* A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale
BATHROOMS
* A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from M&S
* The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items
ARGUMENTS
* A woman has the last word in any argument
* Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument
CATS
* Women love cats
* Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats
FUTURE
* A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband
* A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife
SUCCESS
* A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend
* A successful woman is one who can find such a man
MARRIAGE
* A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't
* A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does
DRESSING UP
* A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins, answer the phone, read a book,and get the post.
* A man will dress up for weddings and funerals
NATURAL
* Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed
* Women somehow deteriorate during the night
OFFSPRING
* Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopesand dreams
* A man is vaguely aware of some short people livingin the house
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
* Any married man should forget his mistakes. There'sno use in two people remembering the same thing.
* What a woman says: C'mon...This place is a mess. You and I need to clean. Your trousers are on the floor and you'll have no clothes if we don't do the laundry now.
* What a man hears: C'MON... blah, blah, blah YOU AND I blah, blah, blah, blah, blah ON THE FLOOR blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES blah, blah, blah, blah, NO
HOW MEN AND WOMEN DIFFER
NICKNAMES
* If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they willcall each other Laura, Kate and Sarah
* If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes
EATING OUT
* When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back
* When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators
MONEY
* A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs
* A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale
BATHROOMS
* A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from M&S
* The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items
ARGUMENTS
* A woman has the last word in any argument
* Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument
CATS
* Women love cats
* Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats
FUTURE
* A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband
* A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife
SUCCESS
* A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend
* A successful woman is one who can find such a man
MARRIAGE
* A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't
* A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does
DRESSING UP
* A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins, answer the phone, read a book,and get the post.
* A man will dress up for weddings and funerals
NATURAL
* Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed
* Women somehow deteriorate during the night
OFFSPRING
* Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopesand dreams
* A man is vaguely aware of some short people livingin the house
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
* Any married man should forget his mistakes. There'sno use in two people remembering the same thing.
* What a woman says: C'mon...This place is a mess. You and I need to clean. Your trousers are on the floor and you'll have no clothes if we don't do the laundry now.
* What a man hears: C'MON... blah, blah, blah YOU AND I blah, blah, blah, blah, blah ON THE FLOOR blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES blah, blah, blah, blah, NO
Thursday, 21 September 2006
The Difference Between Rich/Poor People?
One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to thecountry with the express purpose of showing him how poor people live. They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.
On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was thetrip?"
"It was great, Dad."
"Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked.
"Oh yeah," said the son.
"So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.
The son answered:
"I saw that we have one dog and they had four.
We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end.
We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night.
Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.
We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight.
We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.
We buy our food, but they grow theirs.
We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them."
The boy's father was speechless.
Then his son added, "Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are."
Isn't perspective a wonderful thing? Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about what we don't have.
Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!
Pass this on to friends and acquaintances and help them refresh their perspective and appreciation.
"Life is too short and friends are too few."
On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was thetrip?"
"It was great, Dad."
"Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked.
"Oh yeah," said the son.
"So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.
The son answered:
"I saw that we have one dog and they had four.
We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end.
We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night.
Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.
We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight.
We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.
We buy our food, but they grow theirs.
We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them."
The boy's father was speechless.
Then his son added, "Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are."
Isn't perspective a wonderful thing? Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about what we don't have.
Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!
Pass this on to friends and acquaintances and help them refresh their perspective and appreciation.
"Life is too short and friends are too few."
Monday, 18 September 2006
How do you know if you are a chinese
28 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU ARE A CHINESE
1. You unwrap gifts very carefully, so you can save and reuse the wrapping (and especially those
ribbons).
2. When there is a sale on toilet paper, you will buy 100 rolls and store them in your closet or in the bedroom of an adult child who has move out.
3. You keep a Thermos of hot water available at all times.
4. You save grocery bags, tin foil, and tin containers. You use the grocery bags to hold garbage.
5. You hate to waste food:
a ) Even if you're totally full, if someone says they're going to throw away the leftovers on the table, you'll finish them. (Your mom will give a lecture about starving kids in Africa)
b ) You have Tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or one leftover chicken wing.
6. You don't own any real Tupperware...only a cupboard full of used but carefully rinsed margarine tubs, take out containers, and jam jars.
7. You have a collection of miniature shampoo bottles that you take every time you stay in a hotel.
8. You wipe your plate and utensils or wash them in a small basin of hot water before you eat every time you go to a restaurant.
9. You own a rice cooker and a slow cooker.
10. You wash your rice at least 2-3 times before cooking it.
11. You fight (verbally) over who pays the dinner bill.
12. You have a teacup with a cover on it.
13. If you're under age 20, you own a really expensive walkman if you're over 20, you own a really expensive camera.
14. You're a wok user.
15. You only make long distance calls after 7pm.
16. You prefer your shrimp with the heads and legs still attached-it means they're fresh.
17. You never call your parents just to say hi.
18. If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they'll ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight.
19. Your parents tell you to boil herbs and stay inside when you get sick. They also tell you not to eat fried foods or baked goods because they're heaty ("yeet hay" in Cantonese).
20. You e-mail your Chinese friends at work, even though you only sit 10 feet apart.
21. You always cook too much.
22. You eat every last grain of rice in your bowl, but don't eat the last piece of food on the table.
23. You starve yourself before going to all you can eat buffet.
24. You know someone who can get you a good deal on jewelry or electronics, computers.
25. You own your own meat cleaver and sharpen it.
26. Your toothpaste tubes are all squeezed paper-thin.
27. You know why this list consists of only "28" reasons.
28. You take this message and forward it to all your Chinese friends.
Here are some more indications that you might need to add:-
*29. You wrap with napkins all the knives, spoons and forks of the airline that you fly on and put in your travel bag as souvenirs.
*30 You never forget to take with you all the unused bath and facial tissues when you check out from the hotel because you believe that you have paid it all.
*31 You will laugh at yourself when you read all of them.
*32 And you will always proud because you're Chinese. If you are laughing, you should be proud being one.
1. You unwrap gifts very carefully, so you can save and reuse the wrapping (and especially those
ribbons).
2. When there is a sale on toilet paper, you will buy 100 rolls and store them in your closet or in the bedroom of an adult child who has move out.
3. You keep a Thermos of hot water available at all times.
4. You save grocery bags, tin foil, and tin containers. You use the grocery bags to hold garbage.
5. You hate to waste food:
a ) Even if you're totally full, if someone says they're going to throw away the leftovers on the table, you'll finish them. (Your mom will give a lecture about starving kids in Africa)
b ) You have Tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or one leftover chicken wing.
6. You don't own any real Tupperware...only a cupboard full of used but carefully rinsed margarine tubs, take out containers, and jam jars.
7. You have a collection of miniature shampoo bottles that you take every time you stay in a hotel.
8. You wipe your plate and utensils or wash them in a small basin of hot water before you eat every time you go to a restaurant.
9. You own a rice cooker and a slow cooker.
10. You wash your rice at least 2-3 times before cooking it.
11. You fight (verbally) over who pays the dinner bill.
12. You have a teacup with a cover on it.
13. If you're under age 20, you own a really expensive walkman if you're over 20, you own a really expensive camera.
14. You're a wok user.
15. You only make long distance calls after 7pm.
16. You prefer your shrimp with the heads and legs still attached-it means they're fresh.
17. You never call your parents just to say hi.
18. If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they'll ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight.
19. Your parents tell you to boil herbs and stay inside when you get sick. They also tell you not to eat fried foods or baked goods because they're heaty ("yeet hay" in Cantonese).
20. You e-mail your Chinese friends at work, even though you only sit 10 feet apart.
21. You always cook too much.
22. You eat every last grain of rice in your bowl, but don't eat the last piece of food on the table.
23. You starve yourself before going to all you can eat buffet.
24. You know someone who can get you a good deal on jewelry or electronics, computers.
25. You own your own meat cleaver and sharpen it.
26. Your toothpaste tubes are all squeezed paper-thin.
27. You know why this list consists of only "28" reasons.
28. You take this message and forward it to all your Chinese friends.
Here are some more indications that you might need to add:-
*29. You wrap with napkins all the knives, spoons and forks of the airline that you fly on and put in your travel bag as souvenirs.
*30 You never forget to take with you all the unused bath and facial tissues when you check out from the hotel because you believe that you have paid it all.
*31 You will laugh at yourself when you read all of them.
*32 And you will always proud because you're Chinese. If you are laughing, you should be proud being one.
Saturday, 16 September 2006
Thinking in another way..
有好的文章，要跟好朋友的你分享！
換個角度，你就是贏家
秘書恭謹地把名片交給董事長，一如預期，董事長不厭煩地把名片丟回去，很無奈地，秘書把名片退回去給立在門外看盡尷尬的業務員，業務員不以為杵地再把名片遞給秘書，「沒關係，我下次再來拜訪，所以還是請董事長留下名片。」
拗不過業務員的堅持，秘書硬著頭皮，再進辦公室，董事長火大了，將名片一撕兩半，丟回給秘書。
秘書不知所措地楞在當場，董事長更氣，從口袋拿出十塊錢，「十塊錢買他一張名片，夠了吧！」
豈知當秘書遞還給業務員名片與銅板後，業務員很開心地高聲說：「請你跟董事長說，十塊錢可以買二張我的名片，我還欠他一張。」隨即再掏出一張名片交給秘書。
突然，辦公室裡傳來一陣大笑，董事長走了出來，「這樣的業務員不跟他談生意，我還找誰談？」
這是業務員每天都會碰到的場面，如果光是靠修養或到魔鬼營訓練，還是有洩氣時，超級業務員也有倒地不起的一天。
能自別人設下的困局跳脫者，都有一個本事，那就是－－逆向思考，當你不順著設局者的邏輯思考時，當你不順著設局者的邏輯思考時，你才能出自己的招，去破解對手的招數。說是阿Ｑ也好，說是三八也好，卻是完全自我的主宰者。
有一個在金融界工作的朋友，新進公司做基金研究員時，不知怎地，主管老是看他不順眼，比如邀請大家下班後到他家吃火鍋，總是不小心漏了他。
朋友給自己打氣的方式是，去「阿杜」吃港式高級火鍋，「比他還享受！」。
主管要給他難堪，哪知他更得意！而主管分配給他的基金，老是冷門商品，很難有業績上的表現，他也不氣。
現在，朋友說：「還好他這樣對我，否則我現在只能做研究分析。」
主管的態度逼使他走出另一條路來，現在他在另一家公司的行銷企畫部如魚得水；「很謝謝他的造就」。
人的胸襟有多大，成就就有多大，爭一時不如爭千秋，更何況你怎麼知道，老天爺的布局不是要讓你扛起更大的責任呢？
忍一時之氣，退一步海闊天空，反倒是處處是出路，別把精神能量虛擲在不值得的人身上。
滿有道理的~~~~換個角度，你就是贏家。
換個角度，你就是贏家
秘書恭謹地把名片交給董事長，一如預期，董事長不厭煩地把名片丟回去，很無奈地，秘書把名片退回去給立在門外看盡尷尬的業務員，業務員不以為杵地再把名片遞給秘書，「沒關係，我下次再來拜訪，所以還是請董事長留下名片。」
拗不過業務員的堅持，秘書硬著頭皮，再進辦公室，董事長火大了，將名片一撕兩半，丟回給秘書。
秘書不知所措地楞在當場，董事長更氣，從口袋拿出十塊錢，「十塊錢買他一張名片，夠了吧！」
豈知當秘書遞還給業務員名片與銅板後，業務員很開心地高聲說：「請你跟董事長說，十塊錢可以買二張我的名片，我還欠他一張。」隨即再掏出一張名片交給秘書。
突然，辦公室裡傳來一陣大笑，董事長走了出來，「這樣的業務員不跟他談生意，我還找誰談？」
這是業務員每天都會碰到的場面，如果光是靠修養或到魔鬼營訓練，還是有洩氣時，超級業務員也有倒地不起的一天。
能自別人設下的困局跳脫者，都有一個本事，那就是－－逆向思考，當你不順著設局者的邏輯思考時，當你不順著設局者的邏輯思考時，你才能出自己的招，去破解對手的招數。說是阿Ｑ也好，說是三八也好，卻是完全自我的主宰者。
有一個在金融界工作的朋友，新進公司做基金研究員時，不知怎地，主管老是看他不順眼，比如邀請大家下班後到他家吃火鍋，總是不小心漏了他。
朋友給自己打氣的方式是，去「阿杜」吃港式高級火鍋，「比他還享受！」。
主管要給他難堪，哪知他更得意！而主管分配給他的基金，老是冷門商品，很難有業績上的表現，他也不氣。
現在，朋友說：「還好他這樣對我，否則我現在只能做研究分析。」
主管的態度逼使他走出另一條路來，現在他在另一家公司的行銷企畫部如魚得水；「很謝謝他的造就」。
人的胸襟有多大，成就就有多大，爭一時不如爭千秋，更何況你怎麼知道，老天爺的布局不是要讓你扛起更大的責任呢？
忍一時之氣，退一步海闊天空，反倒是處處是出路，別把精神能量虛擲在不值得的人身上。
滿有道理的~~~~換個角度，你就是贏家。
有沒有一個人，是你用盡了一生力氣還捨不得將他遺忘....
聽過那個傳說嗎？
耳朵癢的時候，是有人在想你。
但是，有時候，你很想念一個人，你不會打電話給他。
因為，打電話給他，不知道說甚麼好，還是不打比較好。
記得嗎？
你很想念爸爸和媽媽，所以打電話給他們。
心中所要的，只是單純的聽聽他們的聲音，單純的想跟他們聊聊天。
可是，每一次，總是有太多的爭執，太多的意見不合，激動與憤怒勝過了理智，失去了那一份單純，你們以吵架收場。
下一次，當你再拿起話筒，又很想打電話給他們的時候，你會猶豫，然後放下話筒。
不是嗎？
你打電話給一個許久不見面的朋友。
過去，你們無所不言，言無不盡；現在，話題卻一直在原地打轉，還是那些無謂的噓寒問暖，那些無關緊要的事，那種感覺並不好受。
從此以後，當你想念他，你不會打電話給他。
這樣吧！
打電話給舊情人，就是那句「我們還是朋友」﹔可是，他身邊也許有另一個人了，又說些甚麼好呢？既然這麼久沒聯絡了，就別再聯絡了吧！
愛情不再的那一刻，或許失意且悲傷，或許心痛，但我們仍毅然決然，彼此都很灑脫，就算只是堅強偽裝，但那至少很漂亮吧！
如此難得，何必因為那偶爾憶起的思念，破壞那一刻的回憶？
想念一個人，不一定要看見他的模樣，不一定要聽到他的聲音。
因為真實接觸後，也許就是另一回事。
不要說我太愛夢想，但想像中的一切，往往比現實再美好一些﹔想念中的那個人，也比真的他再溫暖一點。或許思念好像非常遙遠，但是卻偏偏比現實更親近一點。
思念很近，電話線的那一頭，卻好像很遠，還是不打電話比較好。
耳朵好癢，你在想我嗎？
我很想你，卻如何也鼓不起勇氣，寫信給你。
想念你，不找你……。
失望或難過時~別忘了我還陪伴在你身邊加油打氣喔!
有沒有一雙手，握住了便不輕易放手
有沒有一個肩膀，可以倚靠一輩子都有安全感
有沒有一場擁抱，緊緊的讓兩個人再也不分開
有沒有一種約定，是相約每一個來生都要和你相遇
有沒有一段感情，深深刻在心裡一輩子不會忘記
有沒有一個人，是你用盡了一生力氣還捨不得將他遺忘
天長地久，有多久，能給個時間嗎？
耳朵癢的時候，是有人在想你。
但是，有時候，你很想念一個人，你不會打電話給他。
因為，打電話給他，不知道說甚麼好，還是不打比較好。
記得嗎？
你很想念爸爸和媽媽，所以打電話給他們。
心中所要的，只是單純的聽聽他們的聲音，單純的想跟他們聊聊天。
可是，每一次，總是有太多的爭執，太多的意見不合，激動與憤怒勝過了理智，失去了那一份單純，你們以吵架收場。
下一次，當你再拿起話筒，又很想打電話給他們的時候，你會猶豫，然後放下話筒。
不是嗎？
你打電話給一個許久不見面的朋友。
過去，你們無所不言，言無不盡；現在，話題卻一直在原地打轉，還是那些無謂的噓寒問暖，那些無關緊要的事，那種感覺並不好受。
從此以後，當你想念他，你不會打電話給他。
這樣吧！
打電話給舊情人，就是那句「我們還是朋友」﹔可是，他身邊也許有另一個人了，又說些甚麼好呢？既然這麼久沒聯絡了，就別再聯絡了吧！
愛情不再的那一刻，或許失意且悲傷，或許心痛，但我們仍毅然決然，彼此都很灑脫，就算只是堅強偽裝，但那至少很漂亮吧！
如此難得，何必因為那偶爾憶起的思念，破壞那一刻的回憶？
想念一個人，不一定要看見他的模樣，不一定要聽到他的聲音。
因為真實接觸後，也許就是另一回事。
不要說我太愛夢想，但想像中的一切，往往比現實再美好一些﹔想念中的那個人，也比真的他再溫暖一點。或許思念好像非常遙遠，但是卻偏偏比現實更親近一點。
思念很近，電話線的那一頭，卻好像很遠，還是不打電話比較好。
耳朵好癢，你在想我嗎？
我很想你，卻如何也鼓不起勇氣，寫信給你。
想念你，不找你……。
失望或難過時~別忘了我還陪伴在你身邊加油打氣喔!
有沒有一雙手，握住了便不輕易放手
有沒有一個肩膀，可以倚靠一輩子都有安全感
有沒有一場擁抱，緊緊的讓兩個人再也不分開
有沒有一種約定，是相約每一個來生都要和你相遇
有沒有一段感情，深深刻在心裡一輩子不會忘記
有沒有一個人，是你用盡了一生力氣還捨不得將他遺忘
天長地久，有多久，能給個時間嗎？
給自己最好的禮物
給自己最好的禮物 ◎何權峰
不論你傷害誰，就長遠來看，你都是傷害到你自己，或許你現在並沒有覺知，但它一定會繞回來。凡你對別人所做的，就是對自己做，這是歷來最偉大的教誨。不管你對別人做了什麼，那個真正接收的人，並不是別人，而是你自己；同理，當你給予他人，當你為別人付出，那個真正獲利的也不是別人，而是你自己。
某天，小張要去相親，因為沒有看過對方，擔心她長得太醜，於是交代朋友，十分鐘後call他的手機，這樣他就可以藉機遁逃。
到了約會地點之後，小張發現女方驚為天人，於是心想，等一下手機響不要回就好了。沒想到，美女的手機這時候響了起來，美女聽了兩秒後，對小張說：「對不起，朋友有急事找我，我要先走了……」
*****
有一個男人在派對上對男主人說：「今天的美女真多，要是待會兒我泡上一個，你可不可以把樓上的房間借我一用。」
主人說：「那你老婆怎麼辦？」
這人說：「放心，她不會想念我的，我只失縱一下而已。」
主人說：「我不是說這個，我是說十五分鐘前，她才向我借了樓上的房間。」
*****
有一個老光棍，他並沒有什麼嗜好，只是喜歡在睡覺前喝一點葡萄酒自娛。然而，他發現這幾天有人偷了他的酒。他便懷疑偷酒的是他的佣人，於是就把酒倒出來，再裝入他的小便。但裝小便的酒，仍然每天減少。他很不高興的把佣人叫來，責備一番。
「不，我並沒有偷喝」佣人說：「我是想做味道更香更可口的菜給您吃，所以我每天燒菜時，都加了一點在裡面。」
*****
從這三則短文中各位有沒有發現什麼共通之處呢？沒錯，你怎麼對別人，別人就怎麼對你；你給別人什麼，別人就回報你什麼。
說得更白一點就是，你給別人的，其實是給自己的。
就像我在前面說過的，不管你丟出去什麼，或是想了、說了、做了什麼，最後都會回到你身上，不是嗎？
你給別人的，其實是給自己自食惡果的事說都說不完，讓我們再聽下面的故事：
在一家簡陋的酒館裡，正在喝大杯啤酒的李先生，突然覺得內急，他匆匆忙忙站了起來，又想到上廁所時，酒可能被別人偷喝，猶豫一會後，他找到一張紙，寫上「我吐口水在這裡」，把它放在杯子下面，然後才放心的去上廁所。
過了幾分鐘後，李先生回來時，他看到另一張紙寫道：「我也吐了一口在這裡。哈！」
我聽說從前有個人，他很不喜歡喝咖啡，但是他太太並不知道，他從來沒告訴過她。
她非常喜歡喝咖啡，所以每天早上都會順便為他準備一個熱水瓶的咖啡，跟他的便當擺在一起。
他一直都帶著那個便當和熱水瓶去工作，但是因為他很節儉，所以每天晚上都會把那個熱水瓶帶回家，裡面的咖啡完全沒有被動到。
他知道太太很喜歡喝咖啡，為了要省錢，所以當她沒看到的時候，他會將沒有喝的咖啡倒回咖啡壺裡。
晚上的時候他會用喝咖啡使他睡不著的理由把它推掉。
就這樣他每天都重複這麼做。
有一天，她的太太認識了另一個男人，他們計劃好要毒害他，以獲取巨額的保險金，於是她每天早上都放少量的砒霜在他的熱水瓶裡，日復一日，直到最後她毒死了她自己。
你給別人的，其實是給自己的。你說是不是呢?你所給予的，都會回到你身上如果你對人冷淡，別人也會回以冷漠；如果你經常批評別人，你也會接收到許多的批評；如果你總是擺一張臭臉，沒錯，別人也不會給你好臉色。
所有你所給予的，都會回到你身上。
套句詩人奧登（W.H. Auden）的話：「人受惡意之作弄，必作惡以回報。」
如果你陷害別人，哪天你也會遭人陷害。
同樣的道理，當你帶給別人歡樂，你就會得到歡樂；帶給別人祝福，你就會得到別人的祝福；如果你經常讚美別人，不久你也會聽到有人在讚美你，「你給別人的，其實是給自己的」，你讓他人經歷什麼，有一天你也將自己經歷；你怎麼對待你的父母，將來你的孩子也會怎麼對待你。
我想許多人一定聽過，格林童話中有一則關於一位老人和兒子住在一起的故事。
老人的耳力已經不行了，眼睛也看不見，顫抖的雙手經常把飯菜洒得滿地，碗也常打破，兒子夫婦倆感到非常厭煩，給老爸爸一付木製碗筷，把他趕到廚房幽暗的角落，不准和大家一起用餐。
有一天，兒子看到自己的兒子用刀片消木頭，他好奇的問孩子要做什麼結果孩子回答：「我在替你準備將來要用的木碗、木筷。」
從此以後，年老的父親又回到餐桌上吃飯，家人也都非常孝順他。
農夫的哲理地球是圓的，整個世界都在繞著圈子，不論你傷害誰，就長遠來看，你都是傷害到你自己，或許你現在並沒有覺知，但它一定會繞回來。
所以，如果你佔了別人什麼便宜，先別得意，很快你就會為此付出代價；反過來，若是別人對你做了什麼，你也無需氣憤，不必去報復，任何他們所做的，他們都將自食惡果。
「凡你對別人所做的，就是對自己所做的。」這是歷來最偉大的教誨。
不管你對別人做了什麼，那個真正接收的人，並不是別人，而是你自己；同理，當你給予他人，當你為別人付出，那個真正獲利的也不是別人，而是你自己。
有一個農夫的玉米品種，每年都榮獲最佳產品獎，而他也總是將自己的冠軍種籽，毫不吝惜地分贈給其他農友。
有人問他為什麼這麼大方？
他說：「我對別人好，其實是為自己好。風吹著花粉四處飛散，如果鄰家播種的是次等的種籽，在傳粉的過程中，自然會影響我的玉米品質。因此，我很樂意其他農友都播種同一優良品種。」
他的話看似簡單卻深富哲理，凡你對別人所做的，就是對自己所做的。
所以，凡事你希望自己得到的，你必須先讓別人得到。
保證有效的秘方就像那個農夫一樣，如果你想要得到冠軍的品種，就要給別人冠軍的種籽。
你若想被愛，就要先去愛人；你期望被人關心，就要先去關心別人；你要想別人對你好，就要先對別人好。這是一個保證有效的秘方，可以適用在任何情況。
如果你希望交到真心的朋友，你就必須先對朋友真心，然後你會發現朋友也開始對你真心；如果你希望快樂，那就去帶給別人快樂，不久你就會發現自己愈來愈快樂。
明白了嗎？
我們所能為自己做的最好的事情，就是去為他人多做點好事。
己所欲，施於人。
凡你想給予自己的經驗，就給予別人；想別人怎麼對你，就怎麼對待別人。
快樂最好的方法是多好事，要做好事最好的就是對別人好。
是的，對別人好，就是快樂，也是送給自己最好的禮物。
不論你傷害誰，就長遠來看，你都是傷害到你自己，或許你現在並沒有覺知，但它一定會繞回來。凡你對別人所做的，就是對自己做，這是歷來最偉大的教誨。不管你對別人做了什麼，那個真正接收的人，並不是別人，而是你自己；同理，當你給予他人，當你為別人付出，那個真正獲利的也不是別人，而是你自己。
某天，小張要去相親，因為沒有看過對方，擔心她長得太醜，於是交代朋友，十分鐘後call他的手機，這樣他就可以藉機遁逃。
到了約會地點之後，小張發現女方驚為天人，於是心想，等一下手機響不要回就好了。沒想到，美女的手機這時候響了起來，美女聽了兩秒後，對小張說：「對不起，朋友有急事找我，我要先走了……」
*****
有一個男人在派對上對男主人說：「今天的美女真多，要是待會兒我泡上一個，你可不可以把樓上的房間借我一用。」
主人說：「那你老婆怎麼辦？」
這人說：「放心，她不會想念我的，我只失縱一下而已。」
主人說：「我不是說這個，我是說十五分鐘前，她才向我借了樓上的房間。」
*****
有一個老光棍，他並沒有什麼嗜好，只是喜歡在睡覺前喝一點葡萄酒自娛。然而，他發現這幾天有人偷了他的酒。他便懷疑偷酒的是他的佣人，於是就把酒倒出來，再裝入他的小便。但裝小便的酒，仍然每天減少。他很不高興的把佣人叫來，責備一番。
「不，我並沒有偷喝」佣人說：「我是想做味道更香更可口的菜給您吃，所以我每天燒菜時，都加了一點在裡面。」
*****
從這三則短文中各位有沒有發現什麼共通之處呢？沒錯，你怎麼對別人，別人就怎麼對你；你給別人什麼，別人就回報你什麼。
說得更白一點就是，你給別人的，其實是給自己的。
就像我在前面說過的，不管你丟出去什麼，或是想了、說了、做了什麼，最後都會回到你身上，不是嗎？
你給別人的，其實是給自己自食惡果的事說都說不完，讓我們再聽下面的故事：
在一家簡陋的酒館裡，正在喝大杯啤酒的李先生，突然覺得內急，他匆匆忙忙站了起來，又想到上廁所時，酒可能被別人偷喝，猶豫一會後，他找到一張紙，寫上「我吐口水在這裡」，把它放在杯子下面，然後才放心的去上廁所。
過了幾分鐘後，李先生回來時，他看到另一張紙寫道：「我也吐了一口在這裡。哈！」
我聽說從前有個人，他很不喜歡喝咖啡，但是他太太並不知道，他從來沒告訴過她。
她非常喜歡喝咖啡，所以每天早上都會順便為他準備一個熱水瓶的咖啡，跟他的便當擺在一起。
他一直都帶著那個便當和熱水瓶去工作，但是因為他很節儉，所以每天晚上都會把那個熱水瓶帶回家，裡面的咖啡完全沒有被動到。
他知道太太很喜歡喝咖啡，為了要省錢，所以當她沒看到的時候，他會將沒有喝的咖啡倒回咖啡壺裡。
晚上的時候他會用喝咖啡使他睡不著的理由把它推掉。
就這樣他每天都重複這麼做。
有一天，她的太太認識了另一個男人，他們計劃好要毒害他，以獲取巨額的保險金，於是她每天早上都放少量的砒霜在他的熱水瓶裡，日復一日，直到最後她毒死了她自己。
你給別人的，其實是給自己的。你說是不是呢?你所給予的，都會回到你身上如果你對人冷淡，別人也會回以冷漠；如果你經常批評別人，你也會接收到許多的批評；如果你總是擺一張臭臉，沒錯，別人也不會給你好臉色。
所有你所給予的，都會回到你身上。
套句詩人奧登（W.H. Auden）的話：「人受惡意之作弄，必作惡以回報。」
如果你陷害別人，哪天你也會遭人陷害。
同樣的道理，當你帶給別人歡樂，你就會得到歡樂；帶給別人祝福，你就會得到別人的祝福；如果你經常讚美別人，不久你也會聽到有人在讚美你，「你給別人的，其實是給自己的」，你讓他人經歷什麼，有一天你也將自己經歷；你怎麼對待你的父母，將來你的孩子也會怎麼對待你。
我想許多人一定聽過，格林童話中有一則關於一位老人和兒子住在一起的故事。
老人的耳力已經不行了，眼睛也看不見，顫抖的雙手經常把飯菜洒得滿地，碗也常打破，兒子夫婦倆感到非常厭煩，給老爸爸一付木製碗筷，把他趕到廚房幽暗的角落，不准和大家一起用餐。
有一天，兒子看到自己的兒子用刀片消木頭，他好奇的問孩子要做什麼結果孩子回答：「我在替你準備將來要用的木碗、木筷。」
從此以後，年老的父親又回到餐桌上吃飯，家人也都非常孝順他。
農夫的哲理地球是圓的，整個世界都在繞著圈子，不論你傷害誰，就長遠來看，你都是傷害到你自己，或許你現在並沒有覺知，但它一定會繞回來。
所以，如果你佔了別人什麼便宜，先別得意，很快你就會為此付出代價；反過來，若是別人對你做了什麼，你也無需氣憤，不必去報復，任何他們所做的，他們都將自食惡果。
「凡你對別人所做的，就是對自己所做的。」這是歷來最偉大的教誨。
不管你對別人做了什麼，那個真正接收的人，並不是別人，而是你自己；同理，當你給予他人，當你為別人付出，那個真正獲利的也不是別人，而是你自己。
有一個農夫的玉米品種，每年都榮獲最佳產品獎，而他也總是將自己的冠軍種籽，毫不吝惜地分贈給其他農友。
有人問他為什麼這麼大方？
他說：「我對別人好，其實是為自己好。風吹著花粉四處飛散，如果鄰家播種的是次等的種籽，在傳粉的過程中，自然會影響我的玉米品質。因此，我很樂意其他農友都播種同一優良品種。」
他的話看似簡單卻深富哲理，凡你對別人所做的，就是對自己所做的。
所以，凡事你希望自己得到的，你必須先讓別人得到。
保證有效的秘方就像那個農夫一樣，如果你想要得到冠軍的品種，就要給別人冠軍的種籽。
你若想被愛，就要先去愛人；你期望被人關心，就要先去關心別人；你要想別人對你好，就要先對別人好。這是一個保證有效的秘方，可以適用在任何情況。
如果你希望交到真心的朋友，你就必須先對朋友真心，然後你會發現朋友也開始對你真心；如果你希望快樂，那就去帶給別人快樂，不久你就會發現自己愈來愈快樂。
明白了嗎？
我們所能為自己做的最好的事情，就是去為他人多做點好事。
己所欲，施於人。
凡你想給予自己的經驗，就給予別人；想別人怎麼對你，就怎麼對待別人。
快樂最好的方法是多好事，要做好事最好的就是對別人好。
是的，對別人好，就是快樂，也是送給自己最好的禮物。
True love is neither physical nor romantic
With all the jokes and fun that are in e-mails, sometimes there are some that come along that have an important message, and this is one of those kind. Just had to share it with you all.
THIS IS WHAT LOVE IS ALL ABOUT
It was a busy morning, approximately 8:30 am, when an elderly gentleman in his 80's, arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He stated that he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am. I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him.
I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound. On exam it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound. While taking care of his wound, we began to engage in conversation I asked him if he had a doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry.
The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife.
I then inquired as to her health. He told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer's Disease. As we talked, and I finished dressing his wound, I asked if she would be worried if he was a bit late. He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now.
I was surprised, and asked him. "And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?" He smiled as he patted my hand and said. "She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is."
I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought, "That is the kind of love I want in my life." True love isneither physical, nor romantic.
True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.
THIS IS WHAT LOVE IS ALL ABOUT
It was a busy morning, approximately 8:30 am, when an elderly gentleman in his 80's, arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He stated that he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am. I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him.
I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound. On exam it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound. While taking care of his wound, we began to engage in conversation I asked him if he had a doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry.
The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife.
I then inquired as to her health. He told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer's Disease. As we talked, and I finished dressing his wound, I asked if she would be worried if he was a bit late. He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now.
I was surprised, and asked him. "And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?" He smiled as he patted my hand and said. "She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is."
I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought, "That is the kind of love I want in my life." True love isneither physical, nor romantic.
True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.
薪水與人生
薪水結構可以均分成三等份:
一份是被老闆罵的「遮羞費」，一份是對客戶陪笑的「坐檯費」，另一份是加班「賣肝」賺的錢。
聽起來很幽默，但仔細想想，還真的很辛酸。
薪水與人生，到底有何牽連:
工作像吸血鬼，把我的人生瓶蓋打開之後，插一根吸管，將瓶子裡的「青春、熱情、希望」一飲而盡；
三分之一拿來養活現在的自己，三分之一存起來養活未來的自己，另外三分之一拿去養活「別人」，所謂「別人」，包括餐廳老闆、KTV業者、服飾店小姐，還有航空公司與旅行社。
因為工作沮喪必須上館子花錢吃大餐排遣鬱悶；
因為同事吆喝聚會，跑去KTV唱到「騷聲」還吸飽一缸子二手煙；
因為「肚爛」升遷不公平，狂買名牌服飾才得以洩恨；
因為想要舒緩工作壓力，跑去小島度假或到香港東京瞎拚， 「買東西吃東西買東西吃東西」，假期結束了，錢也花光了，才發現倦怠感根本沒甩掉。
許多年過去了，薪水與人生之間的比重關係，越來越傾斜，越來越難懂。
詩人曾經說過，所謂上班族，就是把生命切成一片一片，每個月，拿去換薪水。
人生自古不管是為五斗米或三斗米而折腰，實在都是很辛酸，請多珍重!
一份是被老闆罵的「遮羞費」，一份是對客戶陪笑的「坐檯費」，另一份是加班「賣肝」賺的錢。
聽起來很幽默，但仔細想想，還真的很辛酸。
薪水與人生，到底有何牽連:
工作像吸血鬼，把我的人生瓶蓋打開之後，插一根吸管，將瓶子裡的「青春、熱情、希望」一飲而盡；
三分之一拿來養活現在的自己，三分之一存起來養活未來的自己，另外三分之一拿去養活「別人」，所謂「別人」，包括餐廳老闆、KTV業者、服飾店小姐，還有航空公司與旅行社。
因為工作沮喪必須上館子花錢吃大餐排遣鬱悶；
因為同事吆喝聚會，跑去KTV唱到「騷聲」還吸飽一缸子二手煙；
因為「肚爛」升遷不公平，狂買名牌服飾才得以洩恨；
因為想要舒緩工作壓力，跑去小島度假或到香港東京瞎拚， 「買東西吃東西買東西吃東西」，假期結束了，錢也花光了，才發現倦怠感根本沒甩掉。
許多年過去了，薪水與人生之間的比重關係，越來越傾斜，越來越難懂。
詩人曾經說過，所謂上班族，就是把生命切成一片一片，每個月，拿去換薪水。
人生自古不管是為五斗米或三斗米而折腰，實在都是很辛酸，請多珍重!
One month of our total bonus is not a bonus :(
consider this....
Interesting point of view...& a fact for arguments
Why there is a 13 month bonus when it's really isn't a bonus?
The mystery is finally revealed!
When the British were in Malaya, they were being paid weekly and they argued that locals were actually being cheated into believing that the13th month pay is a bonus.
Locals were being paid monthly which is equivalent to 4 weeks pay because there are 4 weeks in a month. As the British were paid weekly, it worked out to the same.
You see, there are 7 days in a week. 4 weeks in a month. 12 months in a year.
Then 12 months should work out to 48 weeks only.
But 1 year worked out to 52 weeks!!!
Hence the 13th month is your own pay (not bonus??!!).
So, the British argued that there is in fact no bonus at all???
It is a very simple calculation that stunned many!!!!
BONUS ??? What bonus??? It's actually your pay...!!!
Interesting point of view...& a fact for arguments
Why there is a 13 month bonus when it's really isn't a bonus?
The mystery is finally revealed!
When the British were in Malaya, they were being paid weekly and they argued that locals were actually being cheated into believing that the13th month pay is a bonus.
Locals were being paid monthly which is equivalent to 4 weeks pay because there are 4 weeks in a month. As the British were paid weekly, it worked out to the same.
You see, there are 7 days in a week. 4 weeks in a month. 12 months in a year.
Then 12 months should work out to 48 weeks only.
But 1 year worked out to 52 weeks!!!
Hence the 13th month is your own pay (not bonus??!!).
So, the British argued that there is in fact no bonus at all???
It is a very simple calculation that stunned many!!!!
BONUS ??? What bonus??? It's actually your pay...!!!
Corporate Lessons
CORPORATE LESSON #1
A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears.
The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each"
So the eager senior manager shouted, "I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries.""Pfufffff, and he was gone.
Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails.""Pfufffff, and he was also gone.
The boss calmly said, "I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch."
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Always allow the boss to speak first
CORPORATE LESSON #2
A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road; he stopped and offered her a lift which she gladly accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg.The priest had a look and nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said, "Father, remember psalm 129?"The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand. However, he was unable to remove his eyes from her leg.
Further on, while changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again.The nun once again said, "Father, remember psalm 129?"Once again the priest apologized. "Sorry sister, but the mind is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun got out, gave him a meaningful glance and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek; further up, and you will find glory."
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Always be well informed in your job; or, you might miss great opportunities!
CORPORATE LESSON #3
There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French, who found this small genie bottle.
When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, he said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, and your wish will come true."
The French wanted to start first. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted WINE". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.
Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and immersed himself into a pool of vodka.
The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so contented with His beer pool.
The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, "SHIT!!!!!!!........."
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Mind your language, you never know what it will land you in.
CORPORATE LESSON #4
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower & the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over who should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour.
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 just to drop that towel that you have on."
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
Bob has a close look at her for a few seconds, hands over $800 and quietly leaves.
Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up in the towel and goes upstairs.
When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Share critical credit information with your stakeholders to prevent avoidable exposure!
CORPORATE LESSON #5
A little bird was flying south for the winter.
It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field.
While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it.
As the frozen bird lay there miserably in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
MORALS OF THE STORY:
1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
CORPORATE LESSON #6
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull.
"They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave it enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of he tree.
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
CORPORATE LESSON #7
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and donothing all day long?"
The crow answered: "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
All of a sudden a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
MORAL OF THE STORY:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
CORPORATE LESSON #8
Usually the shop-floor staff of the company plays football.
The middle-level managers are more interested in tennis.
The top management usually has a preference for golf.
FINDING:
As you go up the corporate ladder, the balls reduce in size.
A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears.
The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each"
So the eager senior manager shouted, "I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries.""Pfufffff, and he was gone.
Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails.""Pfufffff, and he was also gone.
The boss calmly said, "I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch."
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Always allow the boss to speak first
CORPORATE LESSON #2
A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road; he stopped and offered her a lift which she gladly accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg.The priest had a look and nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said, "Father, remember psalm 129?"The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand. However, he was unable to remove his eyes from her leg.
Further on, while changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again.The nun once again said, "Father, remember psalm 129?"Once again the priest apologized. "Sorry sister, but the mind is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun got out, gave him a meaningful glance and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek; further up, and you will find glory."
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Always be well informed in your job; or, you might miss great opportunities!
CORPORATE LESSON #3
There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French, who found this small genie bottle.
When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, he said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, and your wish will come true."
The French wanted to start first. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted WINE". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.
Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and immersed himself into a pool of vodka.
The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so contented with His beer pool.
The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, "SHIT!!!!!!!........."
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Mind your language, you never know what it will land you in.
CORPORATE LESSON #4
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower & the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over who should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour.
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 just to drop that towel that you have on."
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
Bob has a close look at her for a few seconds, hands over $800 and quietly leaves.
Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up in the towel and goes upstairs.
When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Share critical credit information with your stakeholders to prevent avoidable exposure!
CORPORATE LESSON #5
A little bird was flying south for the winter.
It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field.
While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it.
As the frozen bird lay there miserably in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
MORALS OF THE STORY:
1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
CORPORATE LESSON #6
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull.
"They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave it enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of he tree.
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
CORPORATE LESSON #7
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and donothing all day long?"
The crow answered: "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
All of a sudden a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
MORAL OF THE STORY:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
CORPORATE LESSON #8
Usually the shop-floor staff of the company plays football.
The middle-level managers are more interested in tennis.
The top management usually has a preference for golf.
FINDING:
As you go up the corporate ladder, the balls reduce in size.
Inference...A Management Story
Inference... A Management Story
Story #1
It's a fine sunny day in the forest and a lion is sitting outside his cave, lying lazily in the sun. Along comes a fox, out on a walk.
Fox: "Do you know the time, because my watch is broken."
Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix the watch for you."
Fox: "Hmm... But it's a very complicated mechanism, and your big claws will only destroy it even more.."
Lion: "Oh no, give it to me, and it will be fixed."
Fox: "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that lazy lions with great claws cannot fix complicated watches."
Lion: "Sure they do, give it to me and it will be fixed."
The lion disappears into his cave, and after a while he comes back with the watch which is running perfectly. The fox is impressed, and the lion continues to lie lazily in the sun, looking very pleased with himself.
Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the lazy lion in the sun.
Wolf: "Can I come and watch TV tonight with you, because mine is broken."
Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix your TV for you."
Wolf: "You don't expect me to believe such rubbish, do you? There is no way that a lazy lion with big claws can fix a complicated TV."
Lion: "No problem. Do you want to try it?"
The lion goes into his cave, and after a while comes back with a perfectly fixed TV. The wolf goes away happily and amazed.
Scene:
Inside the lion's cave. In one corner are half a dozen small and intelligent looking rabbits who are busily doing very complicated work with very detailed instruments. In the other corner lies a huge lion looking very pleased with himself.
Moral:
IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY A MANAGER IS FAMOUS; LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES.
Management Lesson
In the context of the working world:
IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY SOMEONE UNDESERVED IS PROMOTED; LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES.
Story #2
It's a fine sunny day in the forest and a rabbit is sitting outside his burrow, tippy-tapping on his typewriter. Along comes a fox, out for a walk.
Fox: "What are you working on?"
Rabbit: "My thesis."
Fox: "Hmm... What is it about?"
Rabbit: "Oh, I'm writing about how rabbits eat foxes."
Fox: "That's ridiculous ! Any fool knows that rabbits don't eat foxes!"
Rabbit: "Come with me and I'll show you!"
They both disappear into the rabbit's burrow. After few minutes, gnawing on a fox bone, the rabbit returns to his typewriter and resumes typing.
Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the hardworking rabbit.
Wolf: "What's that you are writing?"
Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat wolves."
Wolf: "you don't expect to get such rubbish published, do you?"
Rabbit: "No problem. Do you want to see why?"
The rabbit and the wolf go into the burrow and again the rabbit returns by himself, after a few minutes, and goes back to typing.
Finally a bear comes along and asks, "What are you doing?"
Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat bears."
Bear: "Well that's absurd ! "
Rabbit: "Come into my home and I'll show you"
Scene:
As they enter the burrow, the rabbit introduces the bear to the lion.
Moral:
IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW SILLY YOUR THESIS TOPIC IS; WHAT MATTERS IS WHOM YOU HAVE AS A SUPERVISOR.
Management Lesson
In the context of the working world:
IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW BAD YOUR PERFORMANCE IS; WHAT MATTERS IS WHETHER YOUR BOSS LIKES YOU OR NOT.
Forward it & let others know….. ^^
Story #1
It's a fine sunny day in the forest and a lion is sitting outside his cave, lying lazily in the sun. Along comes a fox, out on a walk.
Fox: "Do you know the time, because my watch is broken."
Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix the watch for you."
Fox: "Hmm... But it's a very complicated mechanism, and your big claws will only destroy it even more.."
Lion: "Oh no, give it to me, and it will be fixed."
Fox: "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that lazy lions with great claws cannot fix complicated watches."
Lion: "Sure they do, give it to me and it will be fixed."
The lion disappears into his cave, and after a while he comes back with the watch which is running perfectly. The fox is impressed, and the lion continues to lie lazily in the sun, looking very pleased with himself.
Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the lazy lion in the sun.
Wolf: "Can I come and watch TV tonight with you, because mine is broken."
Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix your TV for you."
Wolf: "You don't expect me to believe such rubbish, do you? There is no way that a lazy lion with big claws can fix a complicated TV."
Lion: "No problem. Do you want to try it?"
The lion goes into his cave, and after a while comes back with a perfectly fixed TV. The wolf goes away happily and amazed.
Scene:
Inside the lion's cave. In one corner are half a dozen small and intelligent looking rabbits who are busily doing very complicated work with very detailed instruments. In the other corner lies a huge lion looking very pleased with himself.
Moral:
IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY A MANAGER IS FAMOUS; LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES.
Management Lesson
In the context of the working world:
IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY SOMEONE UNDESERVED IS PROMOTED; LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES.
Story #2
It's a fine sunny day in the forest and a rabbit is sitting outside his burrow, tippy-tapping on his typewriter. Along comes a fox, out for a walk.
Fox: "What are you working on?"
Rabbit: "My thesis."
Fox: "Hmm... What is it about?"
Rabbit: "Oh, I'm writing about how rabbits eat foxes."
Fox: "That's ridiculous ! Any fool knows that rabbits don't eat foxes!"
Rabbit: "Come with me and I'll show you!"
They both disappear into the rabbit's burrow. After few minutes, gnawing on a fox bone, the rabbit returns to his typewriter and resumes typing.
Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the hardworking rabbit.
Wolf: "What's that you are writing?"
Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat wolves."
Wolf: "you don't expect to get such rubbish published, do you?"
Rabbit: "No problem. Do you want to see why?"
The rabbit and the wolf go into the burrow and again the rabbit returns by himself, after a few minutes, and goes back to typing.
Finally a bear comes along and asks, "What are you doing?"
Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat bears."
Bear: "Well that's absurd ! "
Rabbit: "Come into my home and I'll show you"
Scene:
As they enter the burrow, the rabbit introduces the bear to the lion.
Moral:
IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW SILLY YOUR THESIS TOPIC IS; WHAT MATTERS IS WHOM YOU HAVE AS A SUPERVISOR.
Management Lesson
In the context of the working world:
IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW BAD YOUR PERFORMANCE IS; WHAT MATTERS IS WHETHER YOUR BOSS LIKES YOU OR NOT.
Forward it & let others know….. ^^
Wednesday, 13 September 2006
銅鑼聲
轉載網路文章：
有二位年輕人從鄉下來到城市，歷經奮鬥，終於賺了很多錢，後來年紀大了，就決定回鄉下安享晚年，在他們回鄉的小徑上，碰到了一位白衣老者，這位老者手上拿著一面銅鑼，在那裡等他們。
他們問老先生：「你在這做什麼?」
老先生說：「我是專門幫人敲最後一聲銅鑼的人，你們兩個都只剩下三天的生命，到第三天黃昏的時候，我會拿著銅鑼到你家的門外敲，你們一聽到鑼聲，生命就結束了。」
講完後，這個老人就消失不見了。
這兩人聽完後就楞住了，好不容易在城市輕辛苦了那麼多年，賺了這麼多錢，要回來享福，結果卻只剩下三天好活。
兩人各自回家後，第一個有錢人從此不吃不喝，每天都愁眉不展，細數他的財產。
心想：「怎麼辦？只剩三天可活!」
他就這樣垂頭喪氣，面如死灰，什麼事也不做，只記得那個老人要來敲銅鑼。他一直等，一直等到第三天的黃昏，整個人已如洩了 氣的皮球。終於那個老人來了，拿著銅鑼站在他的門外，〔鏘〕的敲了一聲。他一聽到鑼聲，就立刻倒了下去，死了。
為什麼呢? 因為，他一直在等這一聲，等到了，也就死了!
另外一個有錢人心想：「太可惜了，賺那麼多錢，只剩下三天可活，我從小就離家，從沒為家鄉做過什麼，我應該把這些錢拿出來，分給家鄉所有苦難和需要幫助的人。」
於是，他把所有的錢分給窮苦的人，又鋪路又造橋，光是處理這些就讓他忙得不得了， 根本忘記三天以後的銅鑼聲。好不容易到了第三天，才把所有的財產都散光了，村民們非常感謝他，於是就請了鑼鼓陣，歌仔戲，布袋戲到他家門口來慶祝，場面非常熱鬧，舞龍舞獅，又放鞭炮，又放煙火。
到了第三天黃昏，老人依約出現，在他家門外敲銅鑼．老人〔鏘!鏘!鏘〕地敲了好幾聲銅鑼，可是大夥全都沒聽到，老人再怎麼敲也沒用，只好走了。
這個有錢人過了好多天才想起老人要來敲鑼的事，還正納悶：「怎麼老人失約了?」
當一個人處於絕望的時候，若能展現積極樂觀的一面，承擔眼前的一刻，不必擔心以後的事情，就不必怕哪一天銅鑼會響，也不必特別去聽那一聲銅鑼的聲音。絕望將不再是絕望，卻反而可能是另一個轉機呢!
當手中只一顆酸檸檬時，你也要設法將它做成一杯可口的檸檬汁。
達賴喇嘛說的西藏諺語：
「能解決的事，不必去擔心；不能解決的事，擔心也沒用。」
這句話真的值得我們細細的咀嚼...
這句話真的值得我們細細的咀嚼...
Tuesday, 12 September 2006
笑話來囉...
烤焦的土司
小明在12歲時，他的下體還是跟以前小時候一樣大小，他媽媽粉擔心，於是便去找醫生。
醫生跟他說吃烤焦的吐司，可以增加長度！
於是隔天早上，小明看到桌上有一大條烤焦的吐司，小明就跟媽媽說：「媽媽！我不要吃那麼多啦！」
媽媽溫柔地答說：
偷看日記
某日，妹妹向媽媽告狀。妹妹：『媽！姊姊偷看我的日記啦。』媽媽：『你怎麼知道？』妹妹：
算數
課堂中，老師說：「如果我分別給你1 隻、2 隻、3 隻狗，那你共有幾隻狗？」
學生說：「7 隻！」
老師疑惑的又問了一遍：「如果我分別給你1 隻、2 隻、3 隻狗，那你共有幾隻狗？」
學生仍說：「7 隻！」
老師不肯放棄，決定用另一種方式問：「如果我分別給你1 瓶、2 瓶酒、3 瓶酒，那你共有幾瓶酒？」
學生說：「6 瓶！」
老師說：「太好了！同理可證。我分別給你1隻、2隻、3隻，那你共有幾隻狗？」
學生說：「7 隻！」
老師實在受不了：「你是豬啊！你怎麼算出 7 隻的！」
學生慢慢地回答說：
久了就明白
法文課時，老師完全以法文講解，學生不大聽得懂，要求他加一點中文補充。
老師站在訓練學生聽力的觀點上說：「不要害怕聽不懂，學語言就是要多聽。你們每天聽我說法文，久了自然就明白了。」
這時有個學生忽然說：
徵婚
話說有一個女人到了婚姻介紹所徵婚....
她跟介紹所的人說她理想對像的條件是：「我理想的丈夫，白天要像紳士、晚上要如猛獸...」
介紹所的人：「那我介紹狼人給妳好了！」
女人：「那如果...
站在哪一邊
李太太口沬橫飛地對鄰人數落自己先生的不是，正巧她的可愛的兒子小明放學回來。
李太太心想小明最向著自己了，因此就問小明：「如果爸爸媽媽吵架了，你會站在哪一邊？」
小明想了想說：
How did i come into this world?
If we feel "embarassing" to tell our children, this would be the better way to "explain" in this cyber world...
"Daddy? How did I come into this world?"
"Well, my child, some day I'll have to tell you any way."
"So why not today? Please!"
"OK, but listen carefully. Mom and Dad met each other in a cyber cafe. In the restrooms of that cyber cafe, dad connected to mom. Mom at that time made some downloads from dad's memory stick. When dad finished uploading we discovered we used no firewall. Since it was too late to cancel or delete, nine months later we ended up with a virus."
"Daddy? How did I come into this world?"
"Well, my child, some day I'll have to tell you any way."
"So why not today? Please!"
"OK, but listen carefully. Mom and Dad met each other in a cyber cafe. In the restrooms of that cyber cafe, dad connected to mom. Mom at that time made some downloads from dad's memory stick. When dad finished uploading we discovered we used no firewall. Since it was too late to cancel or delete, nine months later we ended up with a virus."
Why Ah Beng choose Ah Lian...
Forwarded: This is a story about Ah Beng in search of a wife with the help of his mother, Ah Kew.
One day Ah Kew brought home 3 pretty girls and introduced to Ah Beng.
The 3 pretty girls name and occupations are:
1.) Ah Huey - a telephonist
2.) Ah Moi - a primary school teacher
3.) Ah Lian - a bus conductor
Ah Beng of course very sexcited lar after a while of chatting with the girls, then his mother asked him...
Ah Kew : Ah Beng, how? Which one you like the most?
Ah Beng : I like Ah Lian the most...
Ah Kew : Aiyoh bus conductor only wor! Where got future one? Ah Moi not bad leh! Government work you know? Good benefit, next time your children wanna go to school also easy...
Ah Beng : Ah mah dun want laaa!!
Ah Kew : Why dun want?
Ah Beng : Bcoz school teacher they love to say "PLEASE REPEAT!! DO IT AGAIN!!! I want it done 10 times...SOME MORE, SOME MORE!!" Like this very tiring everynight I can die one ah mah!
Ah Kew : Aiyoo!!! Then Ah Huey lar! At least she is better than Ah Lian...
Ah Beng : Dun want also! Ah mah, she is a telephonist laa! They love to say "WAIT A MINIT! PLEASE HOLD ON!" then potong stim like that ahmah where got mood to make baby lehh?
Ah Kew : Aiyoyo!!! then what u like about Ah Lian so much? Bus conductor only wor!!! Where got future one ?
Ah Beng : Ah mah you dunno wan la ... I always take mini bus to KL, those women bus conductor always say "BANG! MASUK BELAKANG!!! MASUK DALAM SIKIT!!! DALAM ADA TEMPAT!!! MASUK MASUK!!!" (it means "go in behind, go deep inside! go deeper some more! inside still got place!! deeper! deeper!!!) Everytime they say like that i also very sexcited one !!!!
Hahahaha... No offend...
One day Ah Kew brought home 3 pretty girls and introduced to Ah Beng.
The 3 pretty girls name and occupations are:
1.) Ah Huey - a telephonist
2.) Ah Moi - a primary school teacher
3.) Ah Lian - a bus conductor
Ah Beng of course very sexcited lar after a while of chatting with the girls, then his mother asked him...
Ah Kew : Ah Beng, how? Which one you like the most?
Ah Beng : I like Ah Lian the most...
Ah Kew : Aiyoh bus conductor only wor! Where got future one? Ah Moi not bad leh! Government work you know? Good benefit, next time your children wanna go to school also easy...
Ah Beng : Ah mah dun want laaa!!
Ah Kew : Why dun want?
Ah Beng : Bcoz school teacher they love to say "PLEASE REPEAT!! DO IT AGAIN!!! I want it done 10 times...SOME MORE, SOME MORE!!" Like this very tiring everynight I can die one ah mah!
Ah Kew : Aiyoo!!! Then Ah Huey lar! At least she is better than Ah Lian...
Ah Beng : Dun want also! Ah mah, she is a telephonist laa! They love to say "WAIT A MINIT! PLEASE HOLD ON!" then potong stim like that ahmah where got mood to make baby lehh?
Ah Kew : Aiyoyo!!! then what u like about Ah Lian so much? Bus conductor only wor!!! Where got future one ?
Ah Beng : Ah mah you dunno wan la ... I always take mini bus to KL, those women bus conductor always say "BANG! MASUK BELAKANG!!! MASUK DALAM SIKIT!!! DALAM ADA TEMPAT!!! MASUK MASUK!!!" (it means "go in behind, go deep inside! go deeper some more! inside still got place!! deeper! deeper!!!) Everytime they say like that i also very sexcited one !!!!
Hahahaha... No offend...
Monday, 11 September 2006
How to save a papaya from falling...
Hey, got it from somewhere, share with you all and hope you enjoy...
How to save a papaya from falling...
A farmer has a papaya tree at home that bears a lot of fruits. But everytime when the papayas ripe, they fall to the ground and damaged...
Do you know how he save those papayas from falling...? Smart leh... Able to recycle too...!! Hahaha!! "p
How to save a papaya from falling...
A farmer has a papaya tree at home that bears a lot of fruits. But everytime when the papayas ripe, they fall to the ground and damaged...
Do you know how he save those papayas from falling...? Smart leh... Able to recycle too...!! Hahaha!! "p
Sunday, 10 September 2006
聰明的學生
看你自己是不是想的出來.....
一位一年級的女老師最近被他的一個學生所困擾。
老師問：『你怎麼了？』
學生回答說：『我太聰明了，一年級對我來說太簡單了。我比我姐姐都聰明，可是她卻在3年級。我覺得我也應該上三年級！』
老師已經受夠他了，於是她把學生帶到了校長辦公室。
她向校長解釋了一下學生的情況。 校長建議應該給學生一個測試，如果他答錯了任何一個問題，他就應該呆在一年級裡。 老師同意了 。
學生被叫進了辦公室，老師向他說明了校長的意思，學生也同意了。
校長：『3乘3等於幾？』
學生：『9』
校長：『6乘 6 等於幾？』
學生：『36』
就這樣，校長問了很多3年級的問題，學生都回答正確。 於是校長對學生的老師說：『我想他可以到3年級上課了。』
學生的老師說：『讓我問他幾個問題吧。』
校長和學生都同意了。
老師：『什麼東西牛有4個而我只有2個？』
學生：『腿。』
老師：『什麼東西你褲子裡有而我的褲子裡沒有？』
（校長對學生老師問的問題感到很奇怪，她為什麼要問這些問題，校長想。）
學生：『口袋。』
老師：『什麼東西以C開頭，T結尾，上面有很多毛，橢圓型，含有令人陶醉的，乳白色的液體？』校長的眼睛睜著大大的，想阻止老師繼續問下去
學生回答說：? 『椰子（Coconut）。』
老師：『什麼東西進去的時候是即紅又硬，而出來的時候是軟的、有黏液的？』
學生：『泡泡糖。』
老師：『什麼事情男人要站著做，女人坐著做，狗用三條腿做？』
學生：『尿尿。』
老師想了一想說：『現在我將問你幾個"你猜我是什麼"的問題，可以嗎？』
學生：『好的！』
老師：『你用棍橕在我的裡面，把我頂上，再把我支起來。而我在這之前就變濕了。』
學生：『帳篷。』
老師：『手指會進入我。當你煩躁的時候你會玩弄我。最好的男人一直會有我。』
學生：『結婚戒指。』
老師：『進入過我的東東有大有小。當我不舒服的時候，我就會滴下水滴。當你吹我 的 時候，你會感到很舒服。』
學生：『鼻子。』
老師：『我有一個堅硬的杆。我的頭可以插入到別的東東。隨後，那東西就會全身顫抖。』
學生：『箭。』
老師：『什麼單詞以F開頭，K結尾，並且有讓人興奮的意思。』
學生：『救火車（Firetruck）。』
老師的問題終於問完了，校長鬆了一口氣，擦了擦額頭上的汗說：『讓學生到五年級 吧，剛剛你問的那十道題我都全答錯了。』...
老師又問：『當我摸摸你的那裡，同時也摸摸我的那裡，然後掰開我的，塞進你的，我 是在做什麼?』
學生：『扣釦子。』
校長：『讓他到六年級吧.........= =||』
一位一年級的女老師最近被他的一個學生所困擾。
老師問：『你怎麼了？』
學生回答說：『我太聰明了，一年級對我來說太簡單了。我比我姐姐都聰明，可是她卻在3年級。我覺得我也應該上三年級！』
老師已經受夠他了，於是她把學生帶到了校長辦公室。
她向校長解釋了一下學生的情況。 校長建議應該給學生一個測試，如果他答錯了任何一個問題，他就應該呆在一年級裡。 老師同意了 。
學生被叫進了辦公室，老師向他說明了校長的意思，學生也同意了。
校長：『3乘3等於幾？』
學生：『9』
校長：『6乘 6 等於幾？』
學生：『36』
就這樣，校長問了很多3年級的問題，學生都回答正確。 於是校長對學生的老師說：『我想他可以到3年級上課了。』
學生的老師說：『讓我問他幾個問題吧。』
校長和學生都同意了。
老師：『什麼東西牛有4個而我只有2個？』
學生：『腿。』
老師：『什麼東西你褲子裡有而我的褲子裡沒有？』
（校長對學生老師問的問題感到很奇怪，她為什麼要問這些問題，校長想。）
學生：『口袋。』
老師：『什麼東西以C開頭，T結尾，上面有很多毛，橢圓型，含有令人陶醉的，乳白色的液體？』校長的眼睛睜著大大的，想阻止老師繼續問下去
學生回答說：? 『椰子（Coconut）。』
老師：『什麼東西進去的時候是即紅又硬，而出來的時候是軟的、有黏液的？』
學生：『泡泡糖。』
老師：『什麼事情男人要站著做，女人坐著做，狗用三條腿做？』
學生：『尿尿。』
老師想了一想說：『現在我將問你幾個"你猜我是什麼"的問題，可以嗎？』
學生：『好的！』
老師：『你用棍橕在我的裡面，把我頂上，再把我支起來。而我在這之前就變濕了。』
學生：『帳篷。』
老師：『手指會進入我。當你煩躁的時候你會玩弄我。最好的男人一直會有我。』
學生：『結婚戒指。』
老師：『進入過我的東東有大有小。當我不舒服的時候，我就會滴下水滴。當你吹我 的 時候，你會感到很舒服。』
學生：『鼻子。』
老師：『我有一個堅硬的杆。我的頭可以插入到別的東東。隨後，那東西就會全身顫抖。』
學生：『箭。』
老師：『什麼單詞以F開頭，K結尾，並且有讓人興奮的意思。』
學生：『救火車（Firetruck）。』
老師的問題終於問完了，校長鬆了一口氣，擦了擦額頭上的汗說：『讓學生到五年級 吧，剛剛你問的那十道題我都全答錯了。』...
老師又問：『當我摸摸你的那裡，同時也摸摸我的那裡，然後掰開我的，塞進你的，我 是在做什麼?』
學生：『扣釦子。』
校長：『讓他到六年級吧.........= =||』
Chinese Names - Annie Wan (Anyone)
This is from email... Make sure you be careful when choosing any English name... You must read out loud and may be with oriental accent to enjoy...
Caller: Hello, can i speak to Annie Wan (anyone)?
Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?
Caller: I'm Sam Wan (someone). And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.
Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?
Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noel Wan (no one) was involved in an accident. Noel Wan got injured and now Noel Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan (everyone) is on his way to the hospital.
Operator: Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!
Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I'm Saw Lee. (sorry)
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!
Caller: Hello, can i speak to Annie Wan (anyone)?
Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?
Caller: I'm Sam Wan (someone). And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.
Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?
Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noel Wan (no one) was involved in an accident. Noel Wan got injured and now Noel Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan (everyone) is on his way to the hospital.
Operator: Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!
Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I'm Saw Lee. (sorry)
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!
Take it easy...
Open book
考試open book ，教授說可以帶任何你們帶得動的東西。
考試當天，小軒扛了三大箱書，小龍帶著手提電腦，正當得意時，只見小荏....
考試open book ，教授說可以帶任何你們帶得動的東西。
考試當天，小軒扛了三大箱書，小龍帶著手提電腦，正當得意時，只見小荏....
祭墓風俗
外國人祭墓時，只是供一束鮮花，而中國人卻擺上大魚大肉和水果等食物....
外國人嘲諷地問：「你們準備這麼多東西，墳墓裡的人什麼時候會出來吃呢？」
中國人澹然地答：「等你們的人....
一樣撞鬼
阿傑抄近路穿越墳場，聽見敲擊聲，有點怕，可是仍繼續走。
敲擊聲越來越響，他越來越害怕，忽然見到了一個人在鑿石碑。
阿傑放下心來對他說：「謝天謝地，你把我嚇壞了，你在做什麼？」
那人回答：
可想而知
這一次，醫生要求漂亮的女病患脫衣服。
這位小姐輕聲的說：「醫生！我不敢在你面前脫衣服。」
醫生說：「好吧！那我先把燈關掉，妳衣服脫好後再告訴我。」
一分鐘後，小姐在黑暗中輕聲地說：「我脫好了！衣服要擺哪裡？」
醫生說：
不好意思
在公園裡，兩個路人初次對話。
路人甲：「你瞧！在溜滑梯的小孩，實在看不出是男生還是女生。」
路人乙：「男生，他是我兒子。」
路人甲有點不好意思：「對不起！我不知道你是他爸爸。」
路人乙：
牛仔
一個牛仔騎馬去酒吧喝酒，出來時發現他的馬不見了。
他氣憤地回到酒吧，拔槍朝天花板開了一槍，大叫：『哪一個混蛋偷了我的馬？』
一片寂靜，沒有人回答。
停了一下，他吼道：『不要逼我！好！我就再喝幾杯，識相的話，就趁我喝完之前
將我的馬回歸原位，否則我就要用我最不想用的那一招了。』
說完，坐下來繼續喝 ...
離開時，他的馬真的奇蹟式地回來了。
酒保見狀，連忙叫道：『喂！你的那一個絕招是怎樣，說來聽聽吧！』
牛仔轉身回答：
真相
小弟在學校聽人說：「每一個大人都有一個不可告人的秘密，只要說： 『告訴你，我知道整件事情的真相ㄡ！』就可以把他們給唬住──即使你跟本就甚麼也不知道。」
放學後，小弟跟媽媽說：「媽我告訴你，我知道整件事情的真相ㄡ！」
媽媽一聽，趕緊塞給他 100元，並叫他不可以告訴爸爸。
媽媽這樣反應，小弟覺得很好玩，在他爸爸下班回來時，他又迫不及待地跟爸爸說：「爸我告訴你，我知道整件事情的真相ㄡ！」果然，爸爸一聽，也塞給他 200元，叫他不可以告訴媽媽！
隔天一早，小弟要上學時在門口遇到郵差先生送信，小弟又說了：「郵差叔叔，我告訴你，我知道整件事情的真相ㄡ！」只見郵差露出不敢置信的表情，然後張開手臂感動地抱著他：
多一點
學校剛公佈段考成績，媽媽就問小榮：「聽說隔壁家的小孜數學考99分，你考幾分？」
小榮一臉得意說：「嘿！我比她多一點！」
媽媽很高興：「那你考100分囉？」
小榮：
父親節
一多年以來，小孩子都只記得母親節， 卻忘了父親節，所以爸爸都挺失落的。
而今年八月八日，有位爸爸坐在餐桌旁和家人用餐， 突然間兒子就往冰箱走去，當他打開冰箱蹲下取物時，突然若無其事的說︰「爸！你知道今天是幾月幾日嗎？」
老爸心中暗自竊喜，想著這兒子可能要給他一個驚喜，因而高興地回答︰「今天是八月八日。」
兒子有點失望的說︰
兩只蒼蠅
This is from somewhere... Hahaha...
兩只蒼蠅
有一位朋友分享了一個有關兩只蒼蠅的故事。這個故事是這樣的……
古時候有個商人到遠方做買賣，用兩匹馬來拉貨物。當去到了一個斜坡時，兩匹馬拉得很辛苦。於是，就有兩只蒼蠅飛來了。蒼蠅A說：“喂！那兩匹馬那麼辛苦，我們去幫幫它們吧！”
然後，兩只蒼蠅便飛到那兩匹馬的耳朵旁、鼻子前，嗡嗡嗡嗡……
那兩匹馬因拉車辛苦，加之又有煩人的蒼蠅在飛來飛去，感到非常難受。最後，那兩匹馬終於爬上斜坡，這松了一口氣。這時，兩只蒼蠅也松了一口氣的說：“啊！你看，我們幫了他們忙，我們也辛苦了。”
其實，那兩匹馬就是形容我們這些任勞任怨的員工。而那兩只蒼蠅，就是我們的上司。當我們已經忙到很痛苦的時候，我們的上司只會在我們身邊吵吵鬧鬧，不但沒減輕我們的負擔，反而嚴重影響我們工作的進度。最可惡的是，他們還會以為自己貢獻很多
星洲日報／副刊／職場傳真機‧文：牧童．2005/12/19
Saturday, 9 September 2006
Malaysian Chinese
This is the true scenario....
马来西亚的华人
油价一夜飙升 30仙，我们午夜前得到消息，一边谩骂，一边飞车去油站排队打油。
等了老半天终于在 12点前打了起价前的油，算算下我们省下了十多块钱，心中竟然还有一点点的庆幸消息灵通。
隔天我们看到报纸见到朋友我们又继续谩骂政府，批评政府无能，得到一个结论，日子难过啊！我们就得勤力一点工作，少点出门咯。
然后每次我们去油站打油时，还是忍不住谩骂一番。
但骂归骂，我们还是在电视上看到国油赞助的 F1车队在风驰电掣。
看完 F1 ，明天还是得上班去。
生活还是天天这样过...
我们孩子慢慢长大了，是时候要报名入校了。
奈何我们的花园住宅区没有华小，我们得跑到几公里外的华小去报名。
不只如此，因为额位有限，我们漏夜排队在华小外餐风露宿就为了希望我们的孩子能挤进去。
我们一边排队，也是一边谩骂政府，谩骂马华没照顾我们。
好不容易我们成功为孩子报名了，心中无限喜悦。
等到孩子开课了，因为学校远，塞车，我们及孩子们每天得5 点多就起身准备去上课了。
我们睡眠不足，塞车，又看到隔壁的马来邻居的孩子可以睡到7 点多才慢慢走路到我们家后面的国校上课时，我们又开始谩骂政府，谩骂马华。
但骂归骂，每天还是继续睡眠不足，每天还是继续塞车高血压。
生活还是天天这样过...
再不久，我们的孩子拿着一张筹款簿回家，学校要扩建，学校规定学生们都必须筹到某某数目才可以。
我们自掏腰包拿出一笔数目，但由于还是达不到校方指定的数目，我们的孩子下课后就得沿家挨户去筹款。
我们一边心疼，一边又无奈自己收入不多，不能自掏腰包那么多钱。
我们就到学校去和老师商量，希望老师明白我们及孩子们的处境。
我们来到学校，看到我们的孩子们五六十人挤在一间像鸽子笼般的课室，又看到老师无奈的眼神，我们知道学校也是没办法的...
回家路途，经过我们住宅区内的国小时，我们看到那宏伟的校舍，冷气设备的课室，但却只有区区小猫两三只在里面上学，我们又火滚了！！
我们又开始谩骂政府，谩骂马华。
然后呢，我们得到一个结论，我们必须勤力点做工，多赚点钱，那么我们就可以改善华小的处境，我们的孩子才不会那么苦命。
每天上班下班，我们经过那间国小，我们还是忍不住谩骂。骂归骂，那间国小还是继续宏伟站在那边，我们每天还是早出晚归当金钱的奴隶。
生活还是天天这样过...
孩子们一天一天长大啦，为了让孩子们成绩赶得上，我们送孩子去很多很多的补习班，每个月花在补习的费用算百。
还好孩子争气，成绩总算还很好，我们每天做牛做马拖出那笔补习费也心甘情愿。
终于STPM 考试来啦，我们的孩子们也不负我们多年来血泪汗的栽培，考获了全A ！！
这下我们以为我们及我们的孩子可以出人头地了，可以考上梦想中的医科系了。
然而后来我们惊觉孩子们没拿到梦想的医科系，而是其它的科系！！！
我们大跌眼镜，全 A 生都拿不到医科系，那么谁才能拿到医科系？？！！
又看到隔壁那个平时成绩一般的马来邻居，竟然被JPA 保送去英国念大学！！！
我们开始火滚了！！！又开始谩骂政府，谩骂马华。
然后呢，我们得到一个结论，我们得勤力一点工作，赚多一点钱，然后以后才能供我们的孩子出国读私立大学。
每天上班下班，经过国立大学，我们就忍不住谩骂。
但骂归骂，每天我们我们加班到半夜三更回家时，经过大学附近，看到很多马来大学生还在嘛嘛档仙大炮不睡觉。
生活还是天天这样过...
又一天，我们接到坏消息，我们认识的朋友遇到掠夺案，给人抢手提袋时不幸摔倒就这样往生了...
我们去参加他的丧礼，看到他的丈夫孩子家人哭到稀里哗啦，我们都忍不住掉下同情泪。
然后我们一群人就坐下来开始谩骂政府警方无能，未能保护人民。
就这样骂呀骂，时候也不早了，我们也回家了。
回到家门口，刚下车，正要打开门锁，一把刀指在我们背后: "打抢，动就要你命！！！"
结果我们的钱包里的钱，一切证件，就这样给抢去了。
我们来到警局报案，被人像球那样从这一区踢到另一区，终于被踢到一间肯让我们备案的警局。
然而那间警局也有不少人来报案，在柜台的警察没几个，柜台后却有几位大爷在那边闲聊。
我们在警局磨了几个钟，备了案，三更半夜才回到家。隔天还得请假去其它政府部门办理其它证件遗失的手续。
在那些政府部门也是像人球那些被踢来踢去，磨了一整天总算解决了。
在整个过程中我们不断在谩骂政府，谩骂警方。
终于我们得到一个结论，绝对不能靠警方。
治安不好就请人在住宅区巡逻，夜晚尽量少出门。
连篱笆门也换了电动的，到达家时左看右看，看到没有可疑人物是快快开自动们车子快快驾进去然后快快关门。
马来西亚的华人
油价一夜飙升 30仙，我们午夜前得到消息，一边谩骂，一边飞车去油站排队打油。
等了老半天终于在 12点前打了起价前的油，算算下我们省下了十多块钱，心中竟然还有一点点的庆幸消息灵通。
隔天我们看到报纸见到朋友我们又继续谩骂政府，批评政府无能，得到一个结论，日子难过啊！我们就得勤力一点工作，少点出门咯。
然后每次我们去油站打油时，还是忍不住谩骂一番。
但骂归骂，我们还是在电视上看到国油赞助的 F1车队在风驰电掣。
看完 F1 ，明天还是得上班去。
生活还是天天这样过...
我们孩子慢慢长大了，是时候要报名入校了。
奈何我们的花园住宅区没有华小，我们得跑到几公里外的华小去报名。
不只如此，因为额位有限，我们漏夜排队在华小外餐风露宿就为了希望我们的孩子能挤进去。
我们一边排队，也是一边谩骂政府，谩骂马华没照顾我们。
好不容易我们成功为孩子报名了，心中无限喜悦。
等到孩子开课了，因为学校远，塞车，我们及孩子们每天得5 点多就起身准备去上课了。
我们睡眠不足，塞车，又看到隔壁的马来邻居的孩子可以睡到7 点多才慢慢走路到我们家后面的国校上课时，我们又开始谩骂政府，谩骂马华。
但骂归骂，每天还是继续睡眠不足，每天还是继续塞车高血压。
生活还是天天这样过...
再不久，我们的孩子拿着一张筹款簿回家，学校要扩建，学校规定学生们都必须筹到某某数目才可以。
我们自掏腰包拿出一笔数目，但由于还是达不到校方指定的数目，我们的孩子下课后就得沿家挨户去筹款。
我们一边心疼，一边又无奈自己收入不多，不能自掏腰包那么多钱。
我们就到学校去和老师商量，希望老师明白我们及孩子们的处境。
我们来到学校，看到我们的孩子们五六十人挤在一间像鸽子笼般的课室，又看到老师无奈的眼神，我们知道学校也是没办法的...
回家路途，经过我们住宅区内的国小时，我们看到那宏伟的校舍，冷气设备的课室，但却只有区区小猫两三只在里面上学，我们又火滚了！！
我们又开始谩骂政府，谩骂马华。
然后呢，我们得到一个结论，我们必须勤力点做工，多赚点钱，那么我们就可以改善华小的处境，我们的孩子才不会那么苦命。
每天上班下班，我们经过那间国小，我们还是忍不住谩骂。骂归骂，那间国小还是继续宏伟站在那边，我们每天还是早出晚归当金钱的奴隶。
生活还是天天这样过...
孩子们一天一天长大啦，为了让孩子们成绩赶得上，我们送孩子去很多很多的补习班，每个月花在补习的费用算百。
还好孩子争气，成绩总算还很好，我们每天做牛做马拖出那笔补习费也心甘情愿。
终于STPM 考试来啦，我们的孩子们也不负我们多年来血泪汗的栽培，考获了全A ！！
这下我们以为我们及我们的孩子可以出人头地了，可以考上梦想中的医科系了。
然而后来我们惊觉孩子们没拿到梦想的医科系，而是其它的科系！！！
我们大跌眼镜，全 A 生都拿不到医科系，那么谁才能拿到医科系？？！！
又看到隔壁那个平时成绩一般的马来邻居，竟然被JPA 保送去英国念大学！！！
我们开始火滚了！！！又开始谩骂政府，谩骂马华。
然后呢，我们得到一个结论，我们得勤力一点工作，赚多一点钱，然后以后才能供我们的孩子出国读私立大学。
每天上班下班，经过国立大学，我们就忍不住谩骂。
但骂归骂，每天我们我们加班到半夜三更回家时，经过大学附近，看到很多马来大学生还在嘛嘛档仙大炮不睡觉。
生活还是天天这样过...
又一天，我们接到坏消息，我们认识的朋友遇到掠夺案，给人抢手提袋时不幸摔倒就这样往生了...
我们去参加他的丧礼，看到他的丈夫孩子家人哭到稀里哗啦，我们都忍不住掉下同情泪。
然后我们一群人就坐下来开始谩骂政府警方无能，未能保护人民。
就这样骂呀骂，时候也不早了，我们也回家了。
回到家门口，刚下车，正要打开门锁，一把刀指在我们背后: "打抢，动就要你命！！！"
结果我们的钱包里的钱，一切证件，就这样给抢去了。
我们来到警局报案，被人像球那样从这一区踢到另一区，终于被踢到一间肯让我们备案的警局。
然而那间警局也有不少人来报案，在柜台的警察没几个，柜台后却有几位大爷在那边闲聊。
我们在警局磨了几个钟，备了案，三更半夜才回到家。隔天还得请假去其它政府部门办理其它证件遗失的手续。
在那些政府部门也是像人球那些被踢来踢去，磨了一整天总算解决了。
在整个过程中我们不断在谩骂政府，谩骂警方。
终于我们得到一个结论，绝对不能靠警方。
治安不好就请人在住宅区巡逻，夜晚尽量少出门。
连篱笆门也换了电动的，到达家时左看右看，看到没有可疑人物是快快开自动们车子快快驾进去然后快快关门。
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
