Saturday, 30 December 2006

男人...女人...猪

人= 吃饭+睡觉+上班+玩,

猪=吃饭+ 睡觉,

代入:人= 猪+上班+玩,

即:人-玩= 猪+上班.

结论: 懂玩的人=会上班的猪

男人= 吃饭+ 睡觉+挣钱

猪 = 吃饭+ 睡觉

男人= 猪+挣钱

猪=男人-挣钱

所以男人 挣钱等于猪。

女人= 吃饭+ 睡觉+花钱,

猪 = 吃饭+ 睡觉,

代入上式得: 女人= 猪+花钱。

移项得: 女人-花钱=猪 。

结论:女人 花钱的都是猪。

综上: 男人为了让女人 变成猪而挣钱! 女人为了让男人 变成猪而花钱!

男人+女人=两头猪

祝天下的猪们新年快乐!

Family Problem

Two men met at a bus stop and struck up a conversation.
One of them kept complaining of family problems.
Finally the other man said: "You think you have family problems? Listen to my situation.
A few years ago I met a young widow with a grown up daughter. We got married and I got myself a step-daughter.
Later, my father married my step-daughter. That made my step daughter my step-mother. And my father became my step-son. Also my wife became mother-in-law of her father-in-law.
Much later the daughter of my wife, my step-mother, had a son. This boy was my half brother because he was my father's son. But he was also the son of my wife's daughter which made him my wife's grand-son. That made me the grandfather of my half brother.
This was nothing until my wife and I had a son. Now the half sister of my son, my step-mother, is also his grandmother. This makes my father the brother-in-law of my child, whose step-sister is my father's wife. I am my step-mother' s brother-in-law, my wife is her own child's aunt, my son is my father's nephew and I am my OWN GRAND FATHER!!!!!!!!!!
And you think you have FAMILY PROBLEMS??"

Saturday, 16 December 2006

Friday, 15 December 2006

Pharmacist (Joke again la, a but then..?)

A young man goes into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, "Hello, could you give me a condom? My girlfriend has invited me for dinner and I think she is expecting something from me!"

The pharmacist gives him the condom and as the young man is going out, he returns and tells him: "Give me another condom because my girlfriend's sister is very cute too. She always crosses her legs in a provocative manner when she sees me and I think she expects something from me too."

The pharmacist gives him a second condom and as the boy is leaving heturns back and says, "After all, give me one more condom because my girlfriend's mom is still pretty cute, and when she sees me she alwaysmakes allusions... and since she invited me for dinner, I think she is expecting something from me!!"

During dinner, the young man is sitting with his girlfriend on his left, the sister on his right and the mom facing him. When the dad gets there, the boy lowers his head and starts praying: "Dear Lord, bless this dinner... thank you for all you give us...!!!"

A minute later the boy is still praying: "Thank you Lord for your kindness..."

Ten minutes go on and the boy is still praying, keeping his head down.

The others look at each other surprised and his girlfriend even more than the others.

She gets close to the boy and whispers in his ear: "I didn't know you were so religious!!!"

The boy replies :"I didn't know your dad is a pharmacist!!!"

Jokes again...

Two men met while both where looking for their lost wives.
1st: How yours look like?
2nd: She is 5"7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. What about yours?
1st: Forget mine. Lets find yours!!
**********
Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend to death.
Wife says, "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends".
**********
Small Boy wrote to Santa Claus," send me a brother."
Santa wrote back," SEND ME YOUR MOTHER."
**********
What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress
**********
Husband asks, "Do u know the meaning of WIFE?? "Without Information Fighting Everytime"
Wife replies, "No, It means ,"With Idiot For Ever !!!"
**********
Three Feelings:
What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant,
andPanic is when both are pregnant.
**********
Teacher: u know the importance of period?
Kid: Ya, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got heart attack & our driver ran away.
**********
Women asked man who is traveling with six children, all these kids are yours???
No, I work in a condom factory & these are customer complaints.
**********
Sons asks difference between confidence and confidential.
Dad says, you are my son, I'm confident. Your friend is also my son, that's confidential!**********
Mother to her teenage daughter: I think this is the right time we shouldtalk about sex.
Daughter (Excitingly): Sure mom, tell me what do you want to know.
Mother Faints...

A good story from internet

女孩終於鼓起勇氣對男孩說:「我們分手吧!」
男孩問:「為什麼?」
女孩說:「倦了,就不需要理由了。」
一個晚上 男孩只抽煙不說話。
女孩的心也越來越涼:『連挽留都不會表達的情人能給我什麼樣的快樂?』
過了許久 男孩終忍不住說:「怎麼做你才能留下來?」
女孩慢慢地說:「回答一個問題,如果你能答到我心裏就答案,我就留下來。」
……………………

「比如我非常喜歡懸崖上的一朵花,而你去摘的結果是百分之百 的死亡,你會不會摘給我?」
男孩想了想說:「明天早晨告訴你答案好嗎?」
女孩的心頓時灰了下來。
……………………

早晨醒來,男孩已經不在, 只有一張寫滿字的紙壓在溫熱的牛奶杯下。
第一行,就讓女孩的心涼透了…
「親愛的,我不會去摘, 但請容許我陳述不去摘的理由…
你只會用電腦打字, 卻總把程式弄得一塌糊塗, 然後對著鍵盤哭, 我要留著手指給你整理程式…
你出門總是忘記帶鑰匙, 我要留著雙腳跑回來給你開門…
酷愛旅遊的你, 在自己的城市裏都常常迷路, 我要留著眼睛給你帶路…
每月( 好朋友)光臨時, 你總是全身冰涼,還肚子疼, 我要留著掌心溫暖你的小腹…
你不愛出門, 我擔心你會患上自閉症, 我要留著嘴巴軀趕你的寂寞…
你總是盯者電腦, 眼睛給糟蹋得已不是太好了, 我要好好活著, 等你老了, 給你修剪指甲, 幫你拔掉讓你懊惱的白髮, 拉著你的手, 在海邊享受美好的陽光和柔軟的沙灘, 告訴你一朵朵花的顏色, 像你青春的臉…
所以, 在我不能確定有人比我更愛你以前, 我不想去摘那朵花…」
( 女孩淚滴在紙上, 形成晶瑩的花朵)
抹淨眼淚,女孩繼續往下看:
「親愛的, 如果你已經看完了, 答案還讓你滿意的話, 請你開門吧! 我正站在門外, 手裏提著你最喜歡吃的鮮奶麵包…」
女孩拉開門, 看見他的臉, 緊張得像個孩子, 只會把擰著麵包的手在她眼前晃…
……………………

我想這就是愛情或者生活, 被幸福平靜的包圍時, 一些平凡的愛意, 總被渴望激情和浪漫的心忽略 愛!
在雙方引起的許多個微不足道的動作裏, 從來就沒有固定的模式, 只有愛…
可以是任何一中平淡無奇的形式 花朵、浪漫, 不過是浮在生活表面的淺淺點綴, 在它們的下面才是我們真真的生活。

Monday, 11 December 2006

愿圣诞节快乐!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!
http://www.chinaswitch.com/caoka/jieri/christmas/

Sunday, 10 December 2006

If Only Life Could Be Like a Computer!!!

If you messed up your life, you could press "Ctrl, Alt, Delete" and start all over!

To get your daily exercise, just click on "run"! If you needed a break from life, click on suspend.

Hit "any key" to continue life when ready.

To get even with the neighbours, turn up the sound blaster.

To add/remove someone in your life, click settings and control panel.

To improve your appearance, just adjust the display settings.

If life gets too noisy, turn off the speakers.

When you lost your car keys, click on find.

"Help" with the chores is just a click away.

Auto insurance wouldn't be necessary. You would use your diskette to recover from a crash.

And, we could click on "SEND NOW" and a Pizza would be on it's way to YOU...

Wednesday, 6 December 2006

一个人的我依然会微笑

一个人的我依然会微笑

如果想哭我自己会找地方
你不必担心我会弄湿你肩膀
走在街上到处是寂寞的人
我想谁都不要同情的眼光

受一点伤并不是可怕的事
人就是这样才会愈来愈坚强
谁叫男人永远比女人清楚
爱情它何时该收何时该放

你走吧 我不哭 无论多痛苦
你走吧 我不哭 就算会迷路

明天一个人的我依然会微笑
虽然它或许也是伤心的开始
爱情的轮回总是一次又一次
是悲是喜终将都变成往事

明天一个人的我依然会微笑
那怕早已没有人记得我名字
别问我为何执迷不悟的尝试
男人生来就多这么一点痴

Sunday, 3 December 2006

女朋友不是处女的十种解释

一, 最淑女的解释:
都怪我那时太小, 不懂事

二, 最无耻的解释:
是不是处女有什么不一样的, 想找处女上幼儿园去

三, 最无厘头的解释:
人家都说要给我立碑, 我害怕呀

四, 最现实的解释:
还不是为了那3000元的"开包费"

五, 最不能让人理解的解释:
都是自行车座子惹的祸

六, 最让人同情的解释:
那天下晚自习后, 天太黑, 我被.....

七, 最说不通的解释:
我也没办法,这是"遗传"........

八, 最让人可恨的解释:
我被父亲..........................

九, 最有可能的解释:
我用手指头捅破的

十, 最让人开心的解释:
是你刚才弄破的